Feb. 10th marked the 4 th month since my Joe began this horrible scenario of not knowing I am his wife. I joined the group but lost touch for a few months but " I am back". It seems as if one day rolled into the next and chores kept me from connecting with you all. Each day I became more and more resentful and I know he sensed it as he responds so much better when I am more gentle and caring. But I feel so lost in the reality of what has happened to our love, our half + century marriage and each day we drift farther away from what we had and shared.
We made it to Disney and that is where we are now with 3 days left of our week's vacation. We are in a beautiful 3 bedroom Villa that we share with our two loving sons and their families.
Joe and I were alone tonight as the rest went to dinner and I had the TV on and American Idol and someone sang "My Funny Valentine ". I said nothing and waited to see a reaction. There was none and I said to him :That was our wedding song....
He said nothing...just stared at me.
He then came over and said "I'm sorry ". I asked if he knew why he was sorry and he said he does not want to hurt me, but he does not remember anything about our life together.
I said I am the mother of our sons and I am his wife. He looked at me and once again said I am just a friend and his wife is home. I said again, I am your wife. When I asked him his wife's name he responded with his mother's maiden name. She passed away when he was 14.
I said no more.
Children returned and we got into sharing their stories of the fun they had.
It is exactly what is advertised about this place, it is magic, and I came with the hope we would regain something of what has been lost because of CBD.
I have lost his love, his caring for me and the rejection has torn me apart. However, I am more resigned to what lies ahead, and while I do feel for him I can't help but think he almost enjoys doing absolutely nothing for himself. He has never shown any real determination to help himself and although he goes to P/T and O/T twice a week he will never do any exercises at home. I have to force him to drink water and he has no interest in anything I give him to read or share.
He barely plays with his grandchildren and for the past weeks his ability to speak in audible sentences has greatly declined.
His hands have become more disabled and eating on his own, which is the only thing he could manage is now very difficult to do.
He can still walk, and I am always at his side. I never leave him alone. I take him wherever I go.
I had hoped this delirium would go away but I no longer believe it will.
There is a rehab facility he was accepted to attend and they will pick him up at 8:30 and bring him home at 2:30. He will sit with other veterans and that will hopefully make him comfortable. It will cost $200 a day. I know I need that time to catch up on so many things but I am nervous about leaving him.
I am writing all this because I have been "absent" but I am back.
I look forward to hearing from you