Those who have kindly read my posts, are aware S and I spend a lot of time here in South Africa. Well, today I have had to put our lovely house on the market. This will our last visit to this beauitful country.
I don't think I can put into words how I am feeling, not sure the site would like some of the language I would have to use! Let's just say I am absolutely heartbroken. I know there are a lot worse things that have and will happen to me, but at this moment, my life as I have known it for the past 15 years has come to an end. I know, I have been extremely lucky, S and I have had a wonderful time over those years, travelling this country, visiting and seeing some of the most amazing things on our planet. At the moment, none of this is any consolation, it will in time, but now, well.............
Lots of love
Heady
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Heady
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It's so hard isn't it Heady. Visiting our eldest son last September, I realised it would be the last time we would be able to go away together and I felt bereft. We can no longer visit any of our sons as the houses are not suitable and the eldest one is 3 hours away; too far to travel sitting in a wheelchair. I follow friends on Facebook but I have stopped for a while as the site is overloaded with their holiday photo's taken all over the world. I'm pleased they can go away and encourage everyone to do as much as they can, now, not wait, but it reminds me of what my husband and I have missed out on; retirement. It makes me sad.
The weather is brilliant in the UK at the moment so we are making the most of it, eating in the garden, visiting National Trust properties etc. There is a lot we can no longer do but there is a lot we can still do and I plan to cram in as much as possible.
It's sad you have to sell up and I expect you are having to do all the thinking and doing. I hope all goes smoothly without complications.
Thanks for the hug NannaB, needs loads at the moment. Like with anything with this rotten illness, you feel such a failure when you lose a battle and oh boy, I being fighting this one tooth and nail, but it's won in the end!
I knew this day would come at some stage, but not now, not for this reason. I suppose I am feeling so low because PSP is winning too many battles at the moment. None of us really stand a chance with it, do we?!!!!
Oh Heady, I can feel your sadness, I feel for you so much, I am sending you a Hugh hug and kisses, and as NannaB said I hope it all goes through smoothly and quick, you can come back to London, and I hope the weather is lovely for your return. I feel like I could just stand and scream at this horrible PSP, it takes hold of our lives so quickly, and where dies the time go, it flies by without realising it going so quick.
We are always fighting to get things done and fighting for the best for our partners. Look after yourself, and I really feel sad for you, and wish I had a magic wand to make everything right for all people suffering with PSP love and hugs Yvonne xxxxxxxxx
Oh Heady. So sorry you are having to do this. It is so hard to feel our own life closing down, too ! I know how beautiful it is in South Africa. As others have said, its difficult to realise we will never go on safari again or visit Vietnam. Oh, I could go on and on.
I try to be positive about what we can still do. You will in time but perhaps you also need to allow yourself to feel the loss and express the anger. Rage !!! I'm with you !!!
I'm toasting you with a glass of wine and putting the language in for you !!
heady I am sending you a big cyber hug I can feel your pain and frustration from here. I hope once everything is sorted and settled you will be able to have a break all be it a less exotic one. We had our last holiday in 2011 when we took the euro star to Paris to stay with relatives it was such hard work and stress for everyone that we decided not to go away anymore. I wish we could because Brian's son and wife are being posted to Athens in may for 3 years would love to go and see them for a couple of weeks. Janexx
Thanks Jane, hug received and appreciated. I will take S away again. I plan to do so, as long as he wants to. Even if I have to drive through the tunnel, we will get abroad again. Certainly, weekends touring our own lovely country. (As long as it's not raining!)
Thanks Heady - I do know how you feel - we have a seaside cottage right on the seafront in Lyme Regis it has been in the family for years unfortunately the access and layout etc make it impossible for me and Veronica to use it any more . The only consolation I suppose is that it can stay in the family but do I miss - hell I do ! Not quite the same situation as you but I can empathise . And yes I will have some Dad and daughter time although she has no idea what she is letting herself in for taking V shopping ! It's a nightmare at least I won't have to run the gauntlet of the Ladies changing rooms oh on second thoughts I probably will as V will need me to get her out of her chair b***** .
I am sorry you have had to arrive at this point. I understand the losses you feel - the loss of S as you knew him & all the activities you did together, but also the loss in your life of things you can no longer participate in due to S's condition. A part of us is passing away with them. I see the decline in my husband daiy & realize that day by day my life will no longer be the same. i hate this - I liked my (our) lives the way they were before PSP. Be strong Heady. When others say that to me I know they mean well, but they do not understand what I deal with now. At least on this site we understand as we are all here together. Extra hugs to you!
I'm so sorry to hear your news. I often thought the time will come when you are no longer able to travel far and that your beautiful house may not be suitable any more.
I'm sending you lots of hugs.
We can't get away from this b... PSP, it takes over ....
Enjoy travelling nearer home, as you said you will do it as long as possible. Stay positive. All the very best, Maddy
WELL HEADY IVE JUST SENT YOU A REPLY THEN I SAW THAT YOU ARE SELLING YOUR HOUSE IN SOUTH AFRICA WELL DONT BE SAD MATE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ==== ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER ONE OPENS CHEER UP MATEY PETER JONES QUEENSLAND AUSTRALIA PSP SUFFERER
HEADY --- BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL MATE PETER JONES Q.L.D. AUSTRALIA PSP SUFFERER
Hi Heady, as you can see your and S's plight and sadness are shared. I think Peter Jones offers the only words of hope that I can think of. In our case it was sailing and gardening that had to stop - well, sailing for both of us, gardening as an art for Roisin, I was just the muscle. Amazingly we found more time to have family and friends to stay with us, in some cases drawn from half-way round the world, which was life affirming and great fun for us both, even when Roisin, whose intellect and sense of humour remained intact, could no longer speak.
I HAVE JSUT READ UR POST AND FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU AND S
I DO NOT KWNO HWA TOT SAY TO CHEER U UP AT ALL
BUT I DO KNOW TAHT U ND S WILL IGHT THSI PSP TO THE END AND WILL ENJOY GOIGN ON HOLDIAY IN THIS COUNTRY AS WELL
TEAKE IT SLOWLY AND ENJ9Y YOR LAST COUPEOL FO WEEK STHERE IN S AFRICA= SOMEWHER EI HAV ENEV ERBEEN ALTJHO EVEYRONE WHO HAS BEEN AND HA S FAMILY HTERE.SPEAKS V HIGIHLY FO TI
()MY TYPIGN IS V DYSLEXIC TODAY AND I AM GOING TO A NEW TAI CHI CLASS TODAY `SMAE INSTRUCTOR - A DIFFERENT APPROACH=WITH STICKS!) SO HAD BETTER GO!
What I can I say to you all? But a huge thank you! This site is so amazing, to have people who REALLY understand what I am going through, to be able to put it into words that I have not been able to, to see through the same eyes, yet different.
It's just another battle lost to PSP, I won't give up, I will keep fighting this blasted disease, until it wins the war, but one thing is for certain, PSP will know it's been in a battle after I have finished with it!!!!,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PSP seems to delight in taking all the good things in life and leave you with the the not so good. Sorry to hear you have had to put your retreat up for sale, bet you are gutted. We are still in the early stages but already feeling the effects of being joined at the hip. Take card now and hope the sale goes through smoothly. Xx
I'm so sorry you have to do this. It's so hard giving up things that give us peace and has made us many beautiful memories. You have the courage and the ultimate care in mind for your husband to know it was time to let the house go. That is something you should be very proud of. PSP seems to have a way of sucking the life out of all of us. But it can NEVER take away your memories of the time spent in that house. Hold on to those. I'm sure you do, but feel blessed that you were able to spend that time in South Africa. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you. I'm trying to be positive. Very hard at the moment, I WILL get there. (Don't really have a choice, do I?). The worst part at the moment, is saying goodbye. I have met a whole new side to my family, while being out here, so going to miss them! Still, as Peter Jones has said, "As one door shuts, another opens!" Although, personally, I always thought it was "another slams in your face!!!!"
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Sad? Devastating!
