Hi: Hi again. I feel so miserable. It's my... - PSP Association

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lindsey48 profile image
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Hi again. I feel so miserable. It's my birthday today, and I'm here with mum. I don't know why I keep crying, is it because I'm thinking she might not be here next year?, is it because there was no poem in my card as mum used to write it?, don't know. Feel like I can't be bothered to go on xx

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lindsey48 profile image
lindsey48
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jzygirl profile image
jzygirl

Birthday greetings hun and a big hug to you.

I think sometimes a good cry is necessary but try not to let things get you down to much. I get frightened of what the future has got in store for us but I try to live for today as looking at what's to come can spoil the hear and now.

Hugs from Jane xx

Heady profile image
Heady

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday dear Lindsey,

Happy Birthday to you!!!

I am sure you feel miserable today, it really hurts when someone, who always made your birthday special, can't anymore! I think that's the worst thing about birthdays, apart from the march of the years, the loved ones that can no longer share it with you! I know I always shed a tear, when my Dad doesn't ring. He died 12 years ago!

Too late for this year, but YOU must plan what you are going to do on the your next birthday, treat yourself to something special, something you know your Mum would have liked to join in with you. Make it the day you remember your Mum as she was.

As to not wanting to carry on - yes, we can all relate to that, I often wake up, thinking, why, why should I get up, what is there to get up for, then I hear S and know I have to, I have to be there for him, help him with everything that I have to do for him now and in the future. Who would do it otherwise, he has lost too much of his life, for me to bale out as well!

So come on, cheer up, after all it is your birthday. Cook yourself a lovely dinner if you can't go out, light some candles get some good music going, or find a good soppy film to watch. Have a glass of wine, or whatever your tipple is. Life goes on and you are a part of that, so try and find some tiny thing to enjoy!

Lots of love

Heady

JudyJ profile image
JudyJ

Lindsey:

It's okay not to feel 'Happy' on your Birthday...but...this day IS a celebration of YOU, and the start of your new year, so try to focus on yourself and treat yourself in some way, okay?

My birthday was last month. I'm mid-stage in my journey with PSP, and found myself quite sad off and on all day. Will this be my last birthday, etc.? And, how will my girls do without me?. I believe these feelings, doubts, and sadness just go with this thing called PSP, whether you're a care-taker or a person with PSP.

Know you are NOT alone. You have much purpose, beyond helping your mother, in this life time. Come to this site as often as you need or want to for support. Promise? I wish I could give you a hug...

Love to you,

Judy

MN

USA

Hang in there lass. Do look after yourself, which means seek help councelling help probably before you really need it. Best wishes jmbb

lindsey48 profile image
lindsey48

Thanks xx

dorothy-thompson profile image
dorothy-thompson

Hi Lindsay48

Happy Birthday, let's hope it's a good one.

I agree so much with what's been said, it is hard, it is relentless, it can be disheartening and seemingly there is no light at the end of that proverbial tunnel but, you have to ask yourself, if not me then who will be there for mum?

Be strong, you know you can do it.

Kind regards and take cars

Dorothy T

NannaB profile image
NannaB

Hi Lindsey, your birthday is nearly over now and It is sad to know that maybe your mum won't be around for the next one. I still have a little weep when something reminds me of my dad and for a few seconds I forget that he isn't around any more. There is only one certainty in this life, and that is that it will end one day, for all of us. That it the reason I think it is important to make the most of every day, giving my loved ones happy memories of me and for me to have happy memories of them. We can't be happy all the time especially when we have unwell people to care for but I know my husband hates it when I am sad and he will shed a tear when he knows I am frustrated, anxious or just tired. Your mum has been blessed with 76 years of life and you will continue to love and care for her for as long as she needs you but you also have a dad and son who no doubt also feel sad, seeing her deteriorate and you hurting so much. You say you feel you can't be bothered to go on. Go on doing what? Looking after mum; your son; yourself. You need a hug. We can send you virtual hugs but you need a real one as well.

I really do hope you will find a way to brighten your days a little. Would a trip to the GP help?

On Saturday my husband will be 67. He can no longer do anything for himself. He can't speak or walk unaided, is incontinenet and can only eat liquidised food but on Saturday morning he will know it is his birthday and I hope it will be a happy occasion for him although I will, no doubt have a little cry when I read his card to him. I bought him a cake today and will light a candle, sing happy birthday and then squish some chocolate cake with ice cream so he can have a little........making happy memories.

You are in my thoughts and prayers Lindsey.

Best wishes.

Nanna B

jillannf6 profile image
jillannf6

HI LINDSAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY OT YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR LINDSAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

AND MANY MORE - IT IS DIFFICULT TO THINK OF NTO HAV IGN YOUR MUM IWTH YOU - I DONT KNOW HOW I WILL FEEEL HWEN MY DAD DIES(HE IS 92) BUT I AM DEF HAVING A APRTY FOR MY A69TH NEXT FEB AS I MAY NOT BE ABLE OT SPEAK WHEN I GET TO 70 WITH THIS PSP

I KNOW THAT IS NON HELP OT YOU BUT PLEASE TREAT YRSELF TO SOMETHING YOUR MUM WOULD HAVE GOT YOU

LOL JILL

HUGS ND XXTX TO YOU AND YOUR MUM

jillannf6 profile image
jillannf6 in reply to jillannf6

zsorry about the dreadful typing1

lol` jill

hugs and xxxxx

nomansland profile image
nomansland

Listen dear....we all feel that way,loosing a person who has always been your rock can lead to desperate thoughts but looking at that card must also remind you of your mom in good times,the times she wants you to remember in the very low periods in your life in this case you must use the past to get through the present,you know your mom wants that for you,love and prayers,Rollie

jimandsharynp profile image
jimandsharynp

My words for you are "Don't let PSP define who you are!". This can easily happen to PSP patients and caregivers if you aren't on guard. There are changes but I learned to accept them and NOT look too far ahead. She may well be alive on your next birthday. There are no certain things with PSP. Each case is different. My wife was the same throughout the disease and didn't let PSP define who she was, even in the end. Hugs Jimbo

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