6 weeks post surgery and I want sex

[Rustykia]

I’m 57 yrs old living in SF and in a great gay relationship. Only six weeks post radical prostatectomy and I had my first dry orgasm, which was great but odd because nothing come out. I was always the top in the relationship, but cannot longer get an erection (hopefully temporary). I’d consider trying bottom, but husband is the passives one and not comfortable doing it. Would it hurt? What can I expect? Should I wait a little bit longer? I just know that I want sex.

[Tall_Allen]

You should begin penile rehab immediately. The sooner, the better. ED meds, daily pumping and masturbation, and trimix injections. Not only might it restore erections faster, it may be able to stop penile shortening. The "bible" is John Mulhall's book:

amazon.com/gp/product/09800...

[Rustykia in reply to Tall_Allen]

Thanks Allen for the tip. All this is new to me and I’m taking all the advice I can. I just bought the book that you suggested. Thanks

[Leeaussie5]

Best of luck to you. My rehab doctor has the same basic message - use it or lose it. There are some great posts here from guys dealing with the after effects of treatment. But, while the physical is so important, it pales next to the need to be intimate. And the satisfaction in being intimate.

[Rustykia in reply to Leeaussie5]

It is like waking up in a different body. It never occurred to me that my sex life would ever change, but that’s the price we pay for getting rid of this decease. I’d keep trying and hopefully find intimacy enjoyable again. Thanks for the reply

[Leeaussie5 in reply to Rustykia]

It’s a whole new world. Four ,on that out, I am on 5mg Cialis per day and 50 mg of Viagra for events. It’s working well. Don’t forget, at age 60, 60% of all men have some ED. If you choose to bottom, take it gently. There’s been a lot of replumbing in the area.

Keep in touch

[Rustykia in reply to Leeaussie5]

Thank you Lee. My mind wants to do it, but my body doesn’t. It is frustrating, especially since I was very sexually active guy and a good “top”. Time will tell and maybe bottom is in my near future. For now, taking care of myself and getting back to my normal routine.

[Rustykia in reply to Leeaussie5]

BTW. I’m on 100mg Viagra three times a week, but only in my second week.

[Ram17]

Talk to your doctor about penile rehab TODAY. It may take a few tries to find out what works best for you. Some guys have great success with the pills and some don't. Some find the pump works. My doctor had me go with bimix shots. They work great and no side effects.

The first shot is the hardest one. Just thinking about an injection in the side of your penis freaks out most people. You use a diabetic needle, short and fine. After you get the erection, the next shots are real easy. It just feels great having it stretch out again.

The old adage of use it or lose it is 100% true. My wife has no interest in sex. After doing rehab shots for 9 months with no place to go, I just gave up in frustration. My penis has died. Most of the time it looks more like a clitorus than a penis. I have to pull it out just to pee. So start using it right away. Get the blood flowing any way you can. Having a willing partner will really help in the rehab journey. You are lucky to have one.

Take care and put it to use.

[Rustykia in reply to Ram17]

Hi Ram,

Thank you for the tips and for sharing. This ride has not been easy, but I’m hopeful it will get better. At the moment, my Dr has me on Viagra and I’m on my second week (not a lot has happened yet) and I had masturbated multiple times already to keep me motivated, but the orgasms as expected have been dried and with almost not erection. I’ll be asking my Dr about the shots and give it a try if Viagra doesn’t work. Replies to my post have been a savior as I thought I was the only one dealing with this anxiety. Thanks again and let’s keep going, I already beat cancer and I want to keep fighting this battle

[EdinBmore]

Try NuPath's Restore pump. Takes a while to get use to but it works. Make a game out of it with your bf; lessen the anxiety about performing.

And, yes, not uncommon for penis to shrink, adding insult to injury.

The entire experience - radiation and ADT - changed me forever, methinks. My body, of course, but more importantly, my self image. Hasn't been an easy road. And, I consider myself relatively lucky; not nearly as devastating as it is for some men here.

Btw, there is a gay site that is part of "malecare;" gay men's issues related to prostate cancer.

Good luck,

EdinBaltimore

[Rustykia in reply to EdinBmore]

Thank you EdinBmore. Each story I read is different, but the tips have been very encouraging. I’m only a month post surgery and I’m now seeing the first side effects that I need to get used to. I’m trying Viagra for now, but will be open to try other options if that doesn’t work. The common thread I read is that it is important to “use it or lose it” and I’m Determined to do that. I’ll look for the gay site and see what else I find. I want to educate myself and husband as much as I can.

[Boston1967]

Hey there Rusty, I had my surgery Aug 29th, 2018. My surgeon was as progressive with penile rehab as some of the others on here. I was so glad when I found this site and started my own penile rehab journey using the advice I found on here. I started using Cialis immediately and took one 20mg pill every 3 days. I also started masturbating. My first dry orgasm was amazing..... then it was hit or miss depending on how into itvI was. I started injections at 4 months and that was a game changer. I was now back to being the top I was before. I was injecting At least once a week for sex.... sometimes twice a week. You have to be very careful and work with health care provider to find right medication and dose. My nerves were spared and the first dose of trimix gave me such a boner that they had to bring it down with additional shots. I went on bimix from there and was fine.

You have to be very careful with Cialis and Viagra if you are using injections, you provider will tell you all.... but basically DO NOT use at the same time.

I used the injections for about 10 month and then I started noticing my erection coming back on its own. I was able to masturbate with a decent erection and not have anything on else board. Currently I am having great sex with a very good erection with just Cialis. It was about 12 months post surgery my nerves started waking up.... by 16 month post surgery I’m back to about 80% erection without anything and a 95% erection with just Cialis.

Just as an FYI.... none of the bottoms I have been with even notice that I am only shooting only air.... unless I tell them. Everyone’s journey is a little bit different, but start now with penile rehab..... I wished I started a little earlier.

Good luck!!!

[Rustykia in reply to Boston1967]

Hi Boston1967,

Your reply gives me hope and thank you for that. I’m totally committed to work in getting better without falling into depression and I’m taking note from all the tips received. Like you, being a top most of my life left me unprepared to what I immediately noticed post RP. I’m trying Viagra at the moment and I’m masturbating at least three times a week to keep my recovery aligned. Getting a full erection is not happening yet, but I’ve read about alternatives to consider. For now, I’m getting ready to go back to work and spend the holidays with family and friends. I look forward for a better 2020 and a recovery that will get me back to where I was. Same to you.

[MRBoston1963 in reply to Boston1967]

Hey Boston1967. Thanks for your detailed description. I just learned of this online support system two days ago (June 2020) and your experience is a lot like mine. Only I've not been quite so regular in sticking with the RP program. Learning from guys like you and others here and in Malecare's support systems is inspiring me anew. I'm south of Boston. If you want to chat privately, message me direct.

[Rustykia in reply to MRBoston1963]

Hi MRBoston1963. A lot has happened since my last post. No longer wearing pads, incontinence is something from the past, I’m back working out, erections are almost they were pre RP surgery with help from our friends from Viagra, but now it takes much longer to get into the mood. Being a top most of my life and very active, now I cannot longer guarantee that I will perform every time. Bottoming is something that I will consider, but I’ve only tried with a dildo that made me pee myself while using it...Not exactly what I was was expecting to see. I’m lucky to have a loving husband, but since surgery there is ZERO intimacy and although we have talked about it, sex is off the table for now (not happy about it). One thing I’ve noticed lately is that I get aroused easily and I can get a dry orgasm without full erection. “Fun without the mess”. Anyhow, wish you a fast recovery too and stay in touch. I read the posts here for my own sanity and It is good to know that I’m not alone with my new normal.

[wallygator]

It's awful early. As you are able to have an orgasm, you can certainly enjoy all kinds of non-penetrative sex. I went months without an erection. Then, without warning, I woke up with an erection. Now I can pretty much have an erection whenever I want YMMV. Be patient.

[Rustykia in reply to wallygator]

Good to hear that wallygator. Other than finding this site/blogs where good tips are shared, there are no many support groups for gay/bisexual man to discuss this topic. Appreciate the note and the sharing of your own experience. Other than continue with my recovery therapy, I need to be patient. Something that I need to learn to do

[wallygator in reply to Rustykia]

Stimulation is good....

[TerryUK]

I’ve read most of the replies & endorse most of them from my experience. There is much wisdom in our community. I had a full, wide margin, non-nerve-sparing prostatectomy on 1 May last year.

I had my first full body and mind earth shaking orgasm just a month ago. At first my orgasms were very weak and insignificant. But I have been taking 20mg cialis or levetra every day, so that I can pee properly. (I lost 1.5 inches in length from my erect penis after the operation, but I never experienced much incontinence. I have major ED, despite all pumping and porn efforts, although these can be very pleasurable.)

So live in hope, keep enjoying all the sex you love, but slowly open up your ass/arse hole to new feelings, new stroking & caressing, outside and inside. With fingers small toys, gradually building up to maximum capacity, energy & pleasure.

Troy

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❤️

[TerryUK in reply to TerryUK]

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[MRBoston1963]

Hey Rusty. I'm in the same boat as you. New here. 9 months post surgery and 'working the PR program'. I've not been as consistent lately but this site and Malecare supports are re-inspiring me. Thanks for sharing your journey. Keep it up! Michael