Recently Diagnosed : I am 47 years old... - Prostate Cancer A...

Prostate Cancer And Gay Men
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Recently Diagnosed


I am 47 years old with a Gleason score of 6. My doctor said I have the lowest grade and least aggressive. I have an extensive history of prostate cancer in my family. My father has metastatic prostate cancer and has months to live. It was such a shock to hear my diagnosis a week ago. I am still processing. My doctor said I have a 2 mm on left and 3 mm on right side. He said radiation is Not the best treatment given my age. He said either monitoring it or a robotic prostatectomy is the route. I am so afraid of dying that ED doesn’t really affect me right now. I will do anything to be free of this and never revisit this. I’ll Even get a penile implant to inflate my penis. I am 100% bottom..I have never or ever intend on penetrating anyone. Someone please answer. Give me all your thoughts, opinions and advice. I feel so alone and scared..I need to talk to someone. What can you tell me about this? Anything will help!

10 Replies

You are way too anxious to make any decisions in your frame of mind. You will regret it if you do. Give it a few months or a year to sink in, and for your emotional temperature to come down a few pegs. There is no rush to do anything. Most men with your diagnosis NEVER need any kind of treatment, even when followed closely for 20 years. Active surveillance is of course the first thing you should consider. You are not too young for radiation. Surgery may be a good option for you, but it is not something that needs to be decided on for at least a year. Low risk men who wait a year to decide have no worse outcomes than men who wait less than a year.

If you enjoy bottoming, you'll want to notice how much of the pleasure comes from the stimulation of the nerves WITHIN your prostate. Those are removed with surgery, even when the neurovascular bundles outside of your prostate are spared. Size loss (length and girth) is common (in fact it can get so small that peeing is a challenge), and many men have ongoing climacturia (google it).

Decide not to decide. meanwhile, consider psychotherapy (I did!). You have a lot of excess baggage about cancer to sort through. Also, consider a support group if there is one in your community.


I've sent you a direct message with support group info for your city.

You have plenty of time to decide, think, get second opinions--sounds like watchful waiting would be an excellent choice for the time being--I did watching waiting for three years (I think) before surgery and don't seem to be any the worse for it as far as know. Meanwhile if you have the time, energy, money, some good counseling could help. I wish you well--and, sorry you have to go through this (at any age!).


It's really scary getting any cancer. Dying is commonly one of the first thoughts people have and with your dad, it must be considerably worse for you. A common reaction is to want to get rid of it a.s.a.p.

Do consider the advice others give here, don't rush into making any rash decisions.

Most men now survive prostate cancer especially when it's diagnosed early and isn't aggressive. There's a choice of treatments if and when that time comes and treatments are improving with time. Such things as ED aren't 100% inevitable.

I can understand that you will be very anxious and that sounds as if it might be the priority to deal with at the moment.

In the short term, if your anxiety is affecting your daily activities, poor concentration, forgetfulness, not sleeping, trembling, having palpitations, loss of appetite and having dark thoughts you perhaps need to see your GP (primary care doctor).

Additionally, don't hesitate to seek psychological help. Psychotherapy isn't necessary unless you have longer term mental health problems. Your current anxiety state is due to your diagnosis and your bereavement for your father. A talking therapist, person centred counsellor would be helpful.

I'm sorry, it sounds as if you are, physically, on your own without a partner, perhaps no close family or friends that you feel you can burden with your fears. A counsellor is a good option but also any prostate cancer, or any cancer support group would be good as well.

There are also bereavement counsellors.

You've just got your diagnosis, try to be patient, you need time to get over the shock. In relation to your cancer, nothing terrible is going to happen to you immediately.

I am a psychotherapist. Go for counseling . Choose a counselor that deals with patients facing chronic illnesses. A hospital social worker will be the one who will have names of professionals that specialize in this. IT would not be a good idea to go to any counselor who does not have expertise in this area. You are facing a serious illness, given your dad had met PC. Ask your doctor how critical it is , regarding time, to make a decision.

Hi Gpinkk.

Like you, I was also diagnosed with Gleason 6 in August of this year. I actually had 7 of the 12 biopsies come back with a score of 3 - lower risk - no sign of more aggressive score of 4. Like you, I was panicked. I've done TONS of research. I have chosen the Active Surveillance route. Unlike you, I don't have a family history of it.

I would take the advice to get counseling. I also received advice on here to have a Polaris test ran. The biopsies you had were examined under a microscope at a cellular level. The Polaris test is done at a DNA level and will help me be more assured of no aggressive cancer. It takes about a month for that test to come back.

Because what you have is a Gleason six - this means that all the biopsies they did are score 3 with no sign of the aggressive 4. Active Surveillance means they will most likely test you every six months instead of every year, and follow up with additional biopsies annually or every 2 years.

You don't need to panic and be in an EXTREME rush. I have always been extremely anxious, from childhood even and have taken some very light anxiety and depression medicine. My doctor changed my light depression medicine to another one and I am WAY less stressed.

Just take time for you. Breathe. Center yourself. Be calm. Then - - you can make a rational decision that is right for you.

I have a good book called "A Gay Man's Guide To Prostate Cancer" that I would be more than glad to send you. If you email me at, I will mail it to you.


in reply to Skander123

Thank you for the kind words and information. I did a 23&ME dna test to see if I have the BRCA gene. I already have a therapist and I’m going to a men’s group tonight for the first. Honestly, I really don’t mind getting the prostate out and being done with it. My fear is that waiting too long may cause it to spread or grow and then it’ll be too late. Just ‘Angelina Jolie’ it and call it a day. I don’t even use my penis for penetration, you know what I mean?

Hello Gpinkk, You've gotten great advice from the postings I've read. I won't repeat, but just say, and emphatically, TIME IS YOUR FRIEND. We all know the feeling of wanting the cancer gone. And it will be. But for now, go with what your doctor has told you, rely on him going forward and give yourself time to deal with your diagnosis and your father's illness. You will know when the time is right to make a decision about treatment. That time is definitely not now. All the best to you and your Dad.

Yes...all good advice. We are in same boat...Gleason not rush any decisions. Get second opinion, and if possible, genome testing to determine plausibility and rate of any aggression.

You are not alone. There are plenty of people here with years of experience to help out.

You do have a reasonable amount of time to get your thoughts in order, accept what you have to deal with, research, come to a decision and move on. Shortly after being diagnosed seems to be a difficult time, before you have all the facts.

I have Gleason 6, diagnosed February 14, thank you very much.

I have changed my diet, not that it was bad but there are always improvements, added many supplements including CBD/THC mixture and I lowered my PSA 1 point. 5.2 to 4.2. We will see what happens during my next check.

I have been looking at SBRT. Also known as Cyberknife. 5 doses of radiation, good cure rates, low side affects.

Research, talk to people, get second and third opinions, decide what is best. It’s nice there is time to figure things out. Eventually something will need to be done.

Good luck and keep posting here.


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