It’s been just over a month since I lost my loving husband. There are days I am either sad or mad. Sometimes both. I am so thankful Shane is at peace and has no more pain. But, I just don’t understand why, why couldn’t more be done. Why didn’t I fight harder for him. Sometimes I feel like I failed him. I know I shouldn’t but I do. I don’t know how to let this all go. Tuesday I start seeing a counselor in hopes she will be able to help me process everything. I am so upset that we didn’t get the time we deserved. We was only together for four years and married just over a year when I lost him. Shane was my best friend, my heart and my soul. I felt I finally found the man of my dreams and he was so unfairly taken away so fast. We never got to do or go to all the places we talked about.
And now I don’t know what to do with myself. I got used to being there and taking care of him. Trying as hard as I could to make things easier for him. He always said I was his rock and he couldn’t do it with out me. How do I do this without him? I do I try and move on? I go through my daily activities in a fog. I come home and try my best to be up beat for my son. He knows I am in so much pain but I really try to keep it from him. I break down alone. People always tell me they are there for me, which they are, but I don’t want to seem weak.
I truly am trying to believe and trust that God had some bigger plans for Shane. I believe we was brought together for a reason. Besides my son, Shane was and forever will be the best thing that in my life.
Thank you for letting me share.
I love you Shane Thomas Sullivan always and forever.
Written by
Indianagal
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
There is a huge hole in your heart that will take time to heal. It is still fresh. You did your best in a difficult disease where the experts disagree and all patients react differently. Be kind to yourself and try to concentrate on the good in your life and the memories.
We understand and are here for you. Going to a counselor is a great idea. Have you also considered a support group? Sometimes sharing your thoughts and grief with others going through the same thing is very cathartic. Just a thought ...
I hear you!!! I am going through the same emotionally challenging process as you. Keep reaching out. Go for counseling. Seek out groups.
And lastly...don’t hold your emotions back behind closed doors...don’t be afraid to break down in front of friends, family or even strangers...it’s called healing, NOT weakness, which may take a long long time. I have become a blubbering mess just grocery shopping in front of many strangers and not worried about what they see or think. I look at it as a tribute to a man I so unconditionally loved and will always miss and am grateful that these strangers see that in my tears.
And also talk about him. With everyone and anyone who will listen. He is and was a part of your life and that too is healing for you.
You and I share a bond that was only brought together by an awful disease but I will not let it break me or you. We will always have the “what if’s” playing in our minds, but NEVER think we didn’t do enough. NEVER!
My love to you...and the many others here who have either lost or are facing this reality daily. ❤️
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
How much to interact with care?
Two months on Hospice 
