So scared and terrified of anxiety and panic attacks :-(

[mummy2b2013]

I'm 29 weeks pregnant self employed mum to be with our first baby, and so thrilled and excited, but for past 4-5 weeks I've been plagued with nothing but constant dreaded fear, anxiety and panic attacks over the forthcoming changes, quitting work, having to take on an employee and the added financial pressures this puts on us, particularly my husband.

I seem to be in a constant vicious circle of worry, constantly thinking about how we will cope financially which leads to shakiness, heart pounding, breathlessness, shallow breathing, constant crying, no sleep and night tremors - all of which leave me permantly exhausted and feeling like an emotional wreck that can't cope!!

I've sought help and support from my GP and midwife who tell me everything will be ok but i'm just so scared and don't know how to stop these awful feelings/effects! I'm just so very worried about our baby and the effect my body is having on it which only makes the matter worse.

My husband has been a rock and keeps telling me not to worry, everything will be ok, but I just can't stop worrying or stop these effects on my body - I feel so very scared and petrified and alone and really would just love for someone to help me.........PLEASE!........

[clc1]

Hi there huni. First of all congrats on your pregnancy!!. It sounds to me like you have got yourself really worked up. The first thing you need to do is relax. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to try. It must be awful when you have panic attacks and palpitations. I myself have suffered from them in the past so I know what it's like. I understand how you feel. Im 22 weeks pregnant with my second child and I too am worried about the financial pressure that will be put on my partner when I leave work. Most couples go through this worry but they manage. When I had my daughter I felt so guilty that I wasn't working, but when I returned to work I felt guilty about leaving her. In fact I still feel guilty and she's nearly 8 now. There's no easy solution I'm afraid huni, you just have to follow your instincts and do what's best for you and your family. It's not easy having a family but trust me it's so worth it!!. In the meantime try and relax and enjoy your pregnancy. Hope this helps good luck xxxx

[Lissles]

Ahhhh sorry to hear about your worry. You are not alone! I am 28 weeks and find myseelf worrying all the time too. About things i didnt even think about before! I think its a mum to be,s natural instinct to protect her baby to be.

I just have to keep reminding myself every time i start to worry that people have been having babies, well since life first become, i.e quite a few years!! And have them all under very different circumstances. Try and distract yourself with something else every time a worrying thought comes into your mind and know that you and your baby will be fine.

Good luck xxxxxx

[Kaleidoscope]

Your posts resonates with me on so many levels. I'm self employed too, so is my fiancé. We are far from rich. With just £30 in my account to last two weeks (waiting for cheques from clients) I'm terrified of how I will manage with the baby I have longed for. I have to stop my job and get employed by someone in January and I don't know how I'll manage when I finish maternity leave. I wake up with great stress, my heart pounds too, I cry too. You're not alone. I have found relief in small doses by crocheting baby hats for charity. It reminds me that even though things are bad for me, like really bad, there are others who are having a worse time of it. I deep breathe, burn essential oils for what it's worth and I let myself cry long and hard if I need to. All emotions have a place. You are braver than me, you sought help and have had such good support from you GP. Think I need to see mine too. Best of luck, you're never alone. You are quite possibly stronger than you ever thought yourself to be.

Good luck sweetheart,

xxx

[mummy2b2013 in reply to Kaleidoscope]

Hi Kaleidoscope - A big, sincere thank you and hug for your reply - you won't believe how much it made me cry and feel relieved! It is so comforting and reassuring that i'm not alone - I have tried speaking to a select friend and my mum about it but as much as they say they understand they don't, and always just tell me I've got to "calm down" "Snap out of it" - I don't think anyone really understands the pressure of self-employment unless they are too, because it is so utterly different to being employed let alone being self-employed and having a baby!

I would so love to be able to just say this is when I'm going to leave, and then sit back look forward to the leaving party and gift and still get paid whilst off - but reality is, I can't do any of that and the money we shall get on MA has got to go towards paying for the employee weve got to take on because my husband can't run 2 businesses on his own!, and then of course we've still got to find the shortfall of money between the MA and weekly wage - it's all so scary, but we have no choice.

I'm sure all of the feelings etc. will ease once things are in the new 'routine', and I know its going to be tough, but when you feel like you have no one to turn to and feel so alone it's awful.

I'm so glad you've found a way to help relieve your symptoms feelings - you too are much braver than you think, and I wish you, your finace and baby all the very best xxxx

P.S Have you had your baby yet?

[Nickstar]

You need to get yourself some psychology and most likely put on a low dose anti-anxiety medication.

I had panic attacks and anxiety plaguing me for years: I know the feeling of your brain constantly running through your concerns. My husband is on contract, and every year come the middle of the school year I would start to freak out about where we were going to live and if he'd have a job, and how that would affect my work etc, and it was at least 6months until any of that was actually going to be an issue. And the closer to the end of the year it got, the worse I got.

It's horrible, and it puts so much strain on you, and your marriage. And no one understands unless they've lived through it - they just tell you to calm down or that "it'll be ok" - but that doesn't do anything for your panic.

I've been on anti-anxiety meds since before I fell pregnant, and they have honnestly been a godsend. It took me years to get the right help because I was so scared of admitting something was wrong, and also of being on medication potentially for life - but now I don't care about that anymore because I finally feel normal and happy and free of that panic. even if I miss just one or 2 days meds that the low level stress and feeling of not being able to shut off your brain is back, and I'd much rather be on the meds then have the symptoms.

Yes there is some effect on the baby - but the fact of the matter is the constantly high levels of cortisol and other stress hormones/neuro-transmitters are also really impacting on the baby too, and (not to give you more to freak out about but could be doing more permemant damage than the meds will anyway)

so go to your gp, tell them everything and get them to do an anxiety questionaire test, and find out about Psych and medication options.

Otherwise if you really don't want to go down the meds route yet - find a good accupuncturist/TCM practitioner.

[mummy2b2013 in reply to Nickstar]

Hi

Thank you for your message. I appreciate your reply and comments, however I'm sure it wasn't intentional but all you have done is now escalate my symptoms by your comments on the effect it's having on my baby.

I have already been in contact with my GP, and midwife, both whom have advised that although not proven, there is NO evidence that anxiety/panic attacks have a long term damage on your babies health - sometimes the hormones/chemical inbalance that they cause not just in our bodies, but in our brains, is what, in some women, trigger anxiety/panic attacks and this IS FACT, and the only likely effect on an unborn child is a increased risk of a slightly premature labour, and lower birth weight, neither of which are harmful to my baby's health and long term wellbeing.

Both of my practitioners believe my anxiety/panic attacks are pregnacy related due to all the forthcoming changes/uncertainty in my life and the worry that my anxiety etc. is having on my baby (which many pregnant women experience and is part of the mothering/protection instinct that kicks in during pregnancy). And once we have had our baby and are in this "new routine" that things should ease/stop as I will be able to see and know everything will be ok, and know there is no longer a risk to our baby, therefore they both believe prescribing drugs is NOT the way forward, as this will only, increase the anxiety as I will constantly fear the effects of the drugs on my baby as well as the anxiety, and the drugs ARE proven to effect the initital growth and long term health of my baby!

So thank you for your comment, and for causing me more anxiety - I know you were probably only trying to help, but you should really be careful what you post to someone.

[Eldia]

Hi, each time you start worrying - tell yourself it is hormones talking which they are. you cannot control hormones so it is not your fault - so your panic and anxiety is a symptom of pregnancy like a cramp in the leg at night or a headache, for example. it is not harming your baby as it is part of it. tell this to yourself each time you start worrying - it is part of pregnancy for many people - being overworried about things you'd normally dismiss. so do not worry about being worried in the first place - out of your control. you are not alone - many women experience the same. some people get morning sickness, some dont. morning sickness is not harming the baby. hormones dont. just treat anxious thoughts as a morning sickness. the moment you notice them switch off - think about something else, distract yourself with something that needs to be done immediately around the house, with yourself, car, paperwork, whatever. there is always smth that can be a useful distraction. avoid settling bills and doing financial stuff - whenever possible - ask your parner to take over for a bit. and have dinners out or some nice things with your hubby before bedtime to help you sleep. once baby is here you will miss all those seeing friends, having dinner out times for quite a while, treat yourself now - and remember hormonal anxiety about everything is just another symptom of pregnancy, it is not hurting your baby, you are completely ok and not alone with this pregnancy symptom x

[Eldia]

ps if you never been treated by psychiatrist before pregnancy - NO need to see one at all, and definitely no need for any anxiety meds - the less chemicals from big pharma companies during the pregnancy the better x