Pregnant and terrified

Hi all,

I'm new here and definitely very new to pregnancy.

This is most likely something you have read before and/or you are all familiar here. Me and my husband have been trying to conceive for few months and we found out last Saturday that I am pregnant. This is all we ever wanted, however, after the first few minutes of excitement, I have been overwhelmed by anxiety and preoccupation. I am usually a worrier, but I can't stop checking in with my body for any small change or odd symptom. I am only 4 weeks in and I can't even imagine how this is going to be like. I'm terrified of a miscarriage and I really don't know how to cope with all the worry and anxiety right now. The support from the medical staff is very little (they don't even want to see you before 10 weeks) and I feel left alone with my own worries.

Don't get me wrong, my husband is super supportive, but it is my body, my responsibility...something I can't just decide to switch off for an hour or so and then check again later. It's literally inside me 24/7.

How have you dealt with these feelings? Any advice or suggestion would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[Hidden]

Hey! I was very nervous when I got the news. We honestly didn't want to tell anyone until after 20 weeks as it was just unreal.

I found it beneficial to pay for private scans....I did the NHS scans too, but I got 2 other scans just for peace of mind during the pregnancy when I was anxious and it had been a long time since the previous one. I found a private company that did them for about £50-£60.

Once the baby started moving I felt more reassurance.

Also, I would recommend pre-natal yoga after 12 weeks have passed. I found it amazing to reconnect with myself and have some peaceful time out.

It is a lot to take in - so I understand how you are feeling.

Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Nelly, much appreciated. I did not consider private scans, but I will definitely look into it! Yoga sounds like a pretty good option too, whenever I feel overwhelmed. Thanks again xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

It is normal to feel overwhelmed so do not worry.

I felt a big difference once the baby started moving - the first few weeks are hard with nothing happening and symptom spotting.

I spent a lot of time on Dr Google 😂

My baby is here now and 3 months old - and now I Google everything with her!

Xxx

[Akkadia]

Hi Emel87, I am 8 weeks pregnant and went through a similar few weeks after finding out. Although my anxiety has gotten better, like you, I am generally a worrier anyway so found it difficult to stop myself from obsessing about every sensation or change in my body.

When I spoke with the doctor the most reassuring thing was being told that if the worst happened and I suffered a miscarriage this early in the pregnancy it would be likely due to absolutely nothing I had done and would not be preventable. I dont know if that is reassuring to you, but it just reminded me that at this stage nature is doing it's thing and all I can do is try to look after myself.

My advice is to make an appointment with your GP and really stress to them that you feel anxious and afraid. Hopefully they will be able to offer some support or refer you to a midwife early?

I this this is such an uncertain time and it feels scary that its out of your control, but try your best to look after yourself and do things that help you to relax.

All the best, I'm sure you will have a wonderful and healthy pregnancy xxx

[Hidden in reply to Akkadia]

Thank you very much. I guess the feeling of being out-of-control is what really freaks me out, however I fully agree that rationally there is nothing I can do (other than following a healthy lifestyle). Many thanks for your help! xx

[Arya10 in reply to Hidden]

Totally get the out-of-control feeling - that has gotten better for me. You’re very early in the finding out stage, give yourself time to get your head around it all and let it sink in and that’ll calm down x

[Arya10]

Hey, I’m 8 weeks pregnant and felt the same as you (and still do to an extent) in the beginning. It’s such a scary and overwhelming feeling. I found it helpful to simplify everything as much as possible (like no forcing myself to socialise if I was tired or overwhelmed) and to think all I need to do is eat, sleep, rest as much as I need to.

Like others have said, I got advice that there’s nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage, if it happens it happens and it’s not anyone’s fault.

I’m still finding it hard waiting for the 12 week scan. I chose not to get a private scan because I’ve read that clinics can tell you there’s something ‘wrong’ but won’t provide after care, and tell you to go to your GP. This might just be the clinics in my area but something to investigate/think about. I personally would worry so much if that happened.

Keep telling yourself there is no reason this won’t go well. Just look after yourself as best you can and do things that you enjoy, keep life as simple as possible and you’ll get through the next few weeks xx

[Hidden in reply to Arya10]

Thank you so much for your response. Will definitely try and focus on the short-term daily things. I'm pretty sure things will start getting a bit easier once the novelty wears off and I can go back to my routine. Thanks again xx

[YunaMom]

Wow thats very intense sorry to hear about the anxiety. Im naturally not a worrier so when me and my hubby found out about the surprise baby girl, I think my hubby was more nervous than I. Maybe since I am a housewife and he is the breadwinner he has more worries than me. Try to identify what is making you so anxious. Is it financials? Your career? Do you think you wont be a good mom? Do you worry about miscarriage?

If you are worrying miscarriage, no need to worry at all if you are in your twenties. I advise you stay away from searching "miscarriage" on the internet since its full of people having miscarriages everywhere! Back in my moms day without internet when young girls in their 20s got pregnant they started telling people right away at 4 weeks! Thats how much they didnt worry. Please dont stress about miscarriage!

However if you are in your 30s under 35, its understandable that you mught worry a little bit but still its not a big deal! Just make sure you are free of stress and avoid eating certain food that might harm the baby.

If you are over 35, than you have higher chance of miscarriage. Most miscarriages happen at this age range. Abstain from rough sex, stress and anything that can harm the baby.

For general stress and anxiety, try to relax alot, try to stay home, avoid long car rides, avoid places with large crowd. Maybe listen to your soul music and just know that your baby will be fine. Believe that god gifted you with a baby and whatever happens is on gods hands. You just trust god

Good luck!!!!!!

[NewPharma]

I'm also a worrier and felt exactly the same when we found out at 4 weeks. The best way I found to cope was reminding myself it was out of my control and if something bad were to happen it wouldn't have been because of my actions. But honestly the anxiety lessens with time, after the first scan, bump starting to show, second scan, feeling baby move. I guess it didn't really seem real to me until I starting feeling movements, and now that's reassuring that things are ok. I still worry things will go wrong but it's less now x

[bob712]

Hey, I'm currently 33 weeks but know your feelings all too well! For me I felt the same anxiety for quite a long time! Once I started to feel the baby move I felt more reassured that all was good. I found distraction was really the only way to go.

I actually told my friends when I was only 9 weeks which I found actually helped. I realised that if something were to happen, I would want my friends to know, to be able to support me. There is still a bit taboo about miscarriage so nobody wants to talk about it which actually made me feel more anxious about it! I told a couple of good friends my worries which meant I could speak to them at any point which really helped...

I hope your anxiety settles down, mine has now gone onto the birth 😂 xxx

[Imo93]

I was the exact same after finding out! I found out at 4 weeks and I was so delighted but then the feelings of nxiety kicked in and it all got so over whelming, I was also terrified of a m/c I would obsess over every little thing my body did. In the end my partner got my a private scan at 6 weeks just to calm my nerves! It worked a treat, I got a scan a 12 weeks, 16 weeks and 20 weeks and after the 20 week scan my anxiety calmed down, I knew he was OK and was growing healthy! We know have a happy healthy 6 months old baby boy! X

[PastyC]

I felt exactly the same. Such a rollercoaster of emotions and the whole while others this expectation not to tell anyone until the scan. I was s mess and my husband away for work when I was suffering really bad so I took myself to an NCT bumps and babies group. Best thing I did to talk to other mums whi had been there and reassured me that what I was feeling was Ok and normal. They gave me the support I needed. I'm still pretty anxious before every appointment and get tearful in the run up to them worrying somethings wrong. I think this is natural but maybe something like CBT could help with finding some coping strategies of keeping you up and night?

[EstherBP]

Hey, I definitely understand how you are feeling. It’s my first pregnancy (12 weeks 6 days) and I still stress that something may go wrong and check for any discharge that may not be normal. My 12 week scan isn’t until next week when I will be 13+6 so it feels like time is dragging till my first hospital scan. But my advise would be stay away from the internet it really is packed with miscarriage stories and I found myself obsessing reading every single one to find out when I would really be in the safe zone but the reality is, alot of it is due to nature and it will stop you just enjoying the experience.

Also I would definitely recommend a private scan if that is all that you can think about, I did one at 8 weeks and after that it felt a bit more real like something was happening in my body and I could stress a little less. It also gave me the courage to tell my parents and siblings after that scan, knowing that I was really pregnant and had something else to verify it apart from the pregnancy test.

I still haven’t told any friends yet and probably won’t until atleast 20 weeks but the private scan has definitely allowed me to relax abit more. It cost us £39 in London as we had a look on groupon for deals.

Wishing you all the best!!! Think of the positives xxx

[Hidden in reply to EstherBP]

Thank you so much for your reply and best of luck for the scan. ☺️

[Anniexxxxxxx]

Keep yourself busy, I find that keeping myself busy keeps the anxious thoughts at bay, just know that everything happens for a reason and even though you dont want it to happen us as pregnant women unfortunately do not have control over our babys while they are inside, so best thing to do is try and stay positive, because too much stress will do more harm than good xx

[JojoWash]

Hi lovely xx maybe speak to doctor and see if you can get an early scan to help you with your worries, better still get a private scan, they cost around £50-£80 here in uk and there’s loads of places that do them.

It’s worth the peace of mind, it’s worth every penny xx

Try and relax I know it’s really hard.

There isn’t anything anyone can do to help you settle, you just have to have faith xx

Personally I would have extra private scans until my 12 week scan and then maybe one more! Then I’d buy myself a secondhand Doppler and listen to heart beat from home, I did it with my other two boys, heard their little heart beats every day until they started kicking, once they were kicking I sold the Doppler on again for same money!

I know it’s an expensive way but I didn’t care! Peace of mind can’t coen at cost !

[Run_rabbit_run]

First, congratulations on your pregnancy! I had intense fear of miscarriage due to experiences of my friends and colleagues and had heightened anxiety for just over half of my pregnancy. I was very open and spoke to my GP and the midwives about it during my booking appointment at 8 weeks. The GP referred me for talking therapy (counselling) - the wait in my area was 2 months and I was fortunate to seek counselling privately through my employer. Having never received counselling before I was rather cynical but after the 4th session I really started to feel differently and my mindset started to change and I would feel confident in challenging the intrusive thoughts. At its worst, the anxiety made me feel too scared to even get out of bed for fear I may do something that would risk my pregnancy. On the usual anxious days it was all I could ever think about - ‘is my baby okay?’, ‘will we make it through to birth?’, ‘what ifs’ etc etc. It was non-stop and exhausting and incredibly distressing. Pregnancy can be isolating at times and even more so when you have anxious thoughts or depressed. Please do talk to loved ones and to your GP and midwives. It was the best thing I did - being proactive about getting support and being open with loved ones and close friends. Do things at your own pace - for example I explained to friends and family that I couldn’t talk about the future or buy any baby-related things when they were excited about going to baby shows or wanting to know what names I had thought for a boy or a girl. I couldn’t even think about doing up the nursery until I was in my third trimester and even then I was very cautious. I didn’t want to curse anything and I knew that it would be too much if something did happen and I returned home to a decorated nursery etc. Everyone is different. A colleague said I really needed to enjoy my pregnancy - of course I would have loved to but anxiety is a beast. Don’t be alone going through this - share your thoughts and keep talking. Your wellbeing is incredibly important - both physical, mental and emotional. Please also do some self-care - you must look after you so be kind to yourself.

[Seb9 in reply to Run_rabbit_run]

Hi this is lovely advice and so thoughtfully written, but this post is 8 months old. What you've said is fantastic, but I didn't want you to think they haven't read it if they don't come on here anymore xx

[Run_rabbit_run in reply to Seb9]

Thank you, I only noticed after I had read it again silly me! For some reason it came up as a recent post at the bottom of another post I was reading so just hit reply and typed a response. Nevermind...hopefully it helps someone else who is experiencing something similar and looking through older posts xx

[Willow321 in reply to Run_rabbit_run]

I found it useful, thank you! I’m a ftm and I am so worried I don’t know something everyone automatically knows and harming my baby. I’m only 7 weeks and scared about feeling like this for another 7 months! I’m going to speak to my midwife at my booking in. Thank you xx

[Run_rabbit_run in reply to Willow321]

I had a three private scans throughout my pregnancy - one around 7 weeks, another around 17 weeks, then one around 30 odd weeks. It helped me in some way but I would also get really nervous before any scan whether with NHS or not - the constant ‘what ifs’ plagued me so the counselling really helped me in the long run.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you - I could tell you all the usual things to try and reassure you but I know what it is like - it is hard to shake the intrusive thoughts away once they get hold. I would also highly recommend meditation or journaling how you’re feeling and what you are grateful for in the present moment each day. Anxiety is the focus on the future and bringing ourselves back to the present is a really useful thing to do if you’re a worrier.