Confessions of a want to be mother...

[Dunners87]

So, everyday I read the posts of all the women on the website and try to reply honestly. And now I ask for your help.

I fell pregnant with my husband in May, this was unexpected and when I got my head around it I was elated with the news. Only to find out my hcG levels were low and I was expected to miscarry shortly, which I did.

Now here I am trying again, desperate every month for my LH surge and disappointed when the tests come back negative and my cycle begins again.

I'm day 16 today, still questioning why I miscarried and what I did wrong. Whilst hoping and praying this will be the month.

Am I alone in this? Someone please give me hope, as I think I have run out...

[Mrscolumbo]

So sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's not your fault- it just happens. I have a friend who miscarried last week and she's also blaming herself- it's what we do as women. I haven't personally been through it but am sure I'd be devastated too. We're trying too and I'm hoping and secretly praying that this will be the month that it happens. Truth is I'm not interested in sex- and haven't been since I had my two and a half year old. Got to try though. You're still grieving- you need time to get over it. Good luck to you.

[rmh2012]

I am very sorry for your loss.

Firstly, you did nothing wrong. I questioned every little thing that I did or didn't do. But the fact is that the vast majority of early miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities. And as much as it is a miracle that our bodies can create a new life, I consider it equally a miracle that our bodies can quite accurately work out when something's not right. Knowing this does not in any way remove grief, or prevent questioning over whether you should have done something different, but it's really important to keep it front of mind every time you start to question.

Secondly, be patient!! Stress about falling pregnant can itself be the biggest impediment to falling pregnant! My husband and I were in the older category when we first started trying, but both of us knew age was against us. We basically decided to have the mind-set that we were probably too old to have children, and that if we got lucky that it would take quite some time. We figured we'd just give it space to happen, and consider it a gift if it did. We planned travel and other things to keep us feeling fulfilled and happy (and distracted!). And we were lucky enough to fall pregnant - we now have a beautiful girl, sadly after that a miscarriage, and our third pregnancy is going well at 23 weeks.

So, while it is possibly to fall pregnant immediately following a miscarriage, my specialist advised that I give my body a few months to fall back into a normal pattern, and more importantly that I give myself time to recover emotionally. You have suffered a loss. It will take time for you to be ok again. And that's absolutely fine. It's harder to know how to grieve for someone you never met, but you should treat this the same as any other loss.

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time. Trust your body to know when a pregnancy is right to progress. And know that you have every chance of going on to have a normal, successful pregnancy.

I hope this helps.

Take care

R x

[hope4god]

i am so so sorry for your loss. i too had miscarriage last week. mh2012 has said it all. TAKE IT EASY, Relax ur self and think less. Trust GOD, Trust ur body to know when a pregnancy is right to progress. wish u good luck.

[bubbles22]

I'm very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. And I wish you great luck in the future. My thoughts are with you, and I hope for you this is the month when you will conceive.

I've been trying to fall pregnant for 5 months now, so I understand how frustrating it can be;

I've been told and have read countless times, that the best thing to do is just relax and have fun with trying to fall pregnant; apparently not actively trying is the best way to fall pregnant as it takes the pressure and the stress away from your body, increasing your chances of conception. However, I know this is difficult. Take care of your body and stay positive; you will become parents when the time is right for you. x

[Dunners87]

Hi girls!

So, thank you so much for all your responses! I have some good news... I decided to take the jump and paid to see a private gynaecologist, which was the best thing I ever did.

She first informed me that it was not my fault what happened and nothing I did caused the miscarriage, so now I feel I have dropped the guilt and I am ready to grieve.

She also did an ultrasound of my lady bits and came back with great news... The lining of my uterus is bloody perfect for a baby (so no probs there) and she looked at my ovaries where there was one big GIANT egg ready to pop out (so I am ovulating). Which made me feel one hundred times better to know I am in tip top shape and ready to make a baby.

She also gave me one hundred times more advice than my GP on what to do, about my husbands sperm, our plan when I get pregnant and other info I never knew about which was really interesting!

This also means my ovulation kits have been useless as I have been ovulating later in my cycle than I thought so I'm going back to the old fashioned way of just waiting and seeing what happens.

Thank everyone, wish you all the best of luck x

[rmh2012]

So happy for you! A mind at peace is also (to steal your phrase) 'bloody perfect for a baby'

All the best

R x