What made you want a second child?

[NE90]

Hi all,

Me and my husband have a 13 month old son, and my husband has told me that he would like another child.... and preferably soon. I know he wants one not only so that our son has another brother or sister to play with and to have as company for trips and holidays etc but to just extend our family a little more.

I'm curious what made you want another child?

Unfortunately I am still not over the experience of my first pregnancy and as selfish as it may seem, I have finally started to feel myself again after my first birth and feel almost back to normal and I am really worried about having to go through birth again and for my body to go back to changing so much!! I love my son eternally but I always have in the back of mind that I'm not sure I could go through another birth experience again?

Any thoughts would be greatfuly appreciated x

[gillyl]

I don't think you're selfish at all. Pregnancy is really hard on your body and not everyone has a good experience. I had a bad experience myself (we were advised to consider termination at one point), pleased to say it all worked out well in the end but its really affected me mentally, which is why I'm not sure I could go through it again.

It's a tough one, but you both need to be OK with this decision. Speak to hubby, it's important that he knows how you feel as it's a massive thing to go through.

Take care x

[Pasaeoco01]

Hey there, having another child is a such a personal decision isn’t it. Given that your son is only 13 months old I’m not surprised you feel apprehensive about having another so soon! I think I would have felt the same at that point.

If I recall I started thinking of having another as my first son was approaching 2yrs old. I’d had time to adjust, get some sleep and feel normal again!

In terms of why i wanted another I wanted a sibling for our son and I guess I felt the experience of having a baby was more amazing than I could of imagined and wanted to experience that again.

As it happened it took a while to conceive again and my second son was born when my first son was three.

Now they are 7 and 4 and I can honestly say I have zero aspirations to have another. I just feel that we’re complete, it did take a while for me to reach that feeling though.

Maybe talk to your husband and explain how you feel. Give yourself some breathing space and recover physically and emotionally. Being pregnant is such a huge commitment!!!

[Hidden]

I think it’s such a personal choice to make & both parties have to be on board. You aren’t being selfish at all it has to be right for you.

My sister was desperate for another child after their first but brother in law didn’t. He didn’t want another one until their son was just over 3 it took 14 months to conceive their second child. There is a 5 year age gap which worked well as the oldest child was helpful but now my nephew is 11 & my niece is 6 it seems a big age difference but I’m sure as they get older the gap will feel less.

I decided to try for another one when our daughter was 1 year old after a 7 year struggle to have our daughter it happened 2nd month of trying!!! My reason was I have endometriosis ( which could re grow back quickly) & my age ( I’m 38!) I was sure odds were against us but we are now 6 weeks 5 days pregnant ( still long way to go!) I like the fact they will very close in age & hope they will be friends in years to come.

I have found it hard running after a 14 month old my hubby is very hands on when he’s home he takes over. . The fatigue can be overwhelming.. Luckily with any of my pregnancies I haven’t suffered morning sickness ( I can’t imagine dealing with that & running after a toddler 😬) xxx

[cmbxm]

It’s such a personal thing approaching when to have a second baby, we’re going to re-evaluate the siblings situation when our child is a year old, we certainly want her to have a sibling as neither of us are only children and grew up with siblings around us and wouldn’t want her to miss out on this, if we feel ready for another well try, if not we’ll stick with the one, i already think I want to wait until baby is at least 18 months old/2 years old because of how sick I’ve been with this pregnancy as I think it would help if she was in nursery a couple days a week or was old enough my mum could take her for a bit to give me some respite if I was as sick again xx

[Jeppela_]

As some mentioned above, mostly for a sibling factor. Our first is presently almost 16months and I am just over 15months along. We had agreed to two children, max.3. I am set on two now.

Pregnancy is rough and caring for a newborn really took the life out of me (and us). We are only started to enjoy our little one from about 1yr onwards!

I didn’t expect to fall pregnant again so quickly but glad it has happened the way it has as this would be a ‘let’s wait until next year..’ and so on scenario for us (to the point of likelihood of not happening). My son was also unexpected but such a wonderful mix added to our lives!!

So as we are still partially sleep deprived and going through teething at the moment - ahhh the heck, let’s just keep remaining like zombies for another year with our second. I couldn’t leave the age gap longer as there is NO WAY I could plan to have another. No way. It’s so brutal!!

[ancde]

I was content with my baby boy but he died at 4 months (born extremely prem) and I wanted another, luckily it didn't take long but I was in a bad place then nearly 9 months later at nearly 35 weeks pregnant I am ready for happiness again. As everyone is saying it's a personal choice. My partner and I were both grieving and me being pregnant again has helped that process.

[mrsabc]

I always knew I wanted 2 children. I had a very difficult first pregnancy and her birth wasn’t easy. Also me & my husband had some relationship problems after she was born (that we’ve since overcome) but it took me a while to want to try for another baby plus I wanted to ensure that by having another baby we wouldn’t be financially crippled. There is almost 3 years age gap between my two as we decided to wait which worked for our family as my eldest got her free funding at nursery while I was on maternity so I didn’t have to constantly worry about how we would afford for 2 kids at nursery plus she was a bit older and able to understand a bit more that she was going to get a brother or sister which really helped! Whatever decision you make will be right for you. If you don’t feel ready then explain that to your partner & im sure he will understand xx

[Bailey135]

I have a 14 month old and at the moment absolutely no aspirations for a second! We will probably wait til she’s at full time nursery to start trying as I don’t want w maternity leave with a baby and a toddler x