anxiety around 20 week scan and possible gender reveal

[Winterbaby23]

hi, bit of a weird one.

I will be 19 weeks tomorrow and going for my anomaly scan tomorrow afternoon. I have anxiety and depression (not sure if that’s even relevant here) but I’ve been getting in my own head quite a bit the last few days /week. Early in the pregnancy , I found it fun doing the gender predictors and looking at the old wives tales to try and guess what it could be. They never came back with a real answer , some would say girl some boy. But I’ve been convinced almost since the day I found out I am carrying a boy. My boyfriend thinks it’s a girl.

I’ve got to the point where I’m worried I’m going to be disappointed if it’s a girl. I know once I’ve got the baby in my arms, any of those feelings will go away because I’ll love my baby no matter what. But I feel like I’ve just had this idea of having a little boy and changing that is going to be hard.

we’ve had the names picked out already for a boy or a girl although we did struggle finding one for a girl. And I’ve been jokingly saying there’s so many girls in the family already , my cousins kids are all girls and all the family arguments and bickers are always between the women but I feel like I’ve used that as a cover for how I’ve felt.

I’ve looked up gender disappointment and it just comes up with the psychology behind it which I understand. But I’ve started having nightmares about having a gender reveal and videos being posted all over of me being upset over pink confetti and I’ve refused to have a gender reveal now, or at least if we do have one, I want to have time to know the gender first away from everyone else and have time to process. But I also feel like I’m taking the fun out of it, but the last thing I want, if I do have a daughter is her to grow up thinking she’s not what I wanted or she’s not good enough or anything like that. It’s not a big deal to me really but I can’t help but get upset over the fact that I feel like this and feel like I might be upset if they say it’s a girl tomorrow. I’ve even said I don’t want the sonographer to say it, I want them to write it down so I can look at home.

has anyone else felt like this? I feel so conflicted and guilty.

[Hidden]

When I had my first child I thought it would be my only child, and I have to admit I wanted a girl. I would have been ok with a boy at the time too, but did really want a little girl.

I got an early private scan so I didn't get my hopes up too much, and it was a little girl.

It is so strange that when I got pregnant a 2nd time I didn't give a toss about the gender, just the health and well being.

Let yourself feel what you are feeling - don't feel guilty. I think a lot of people have a preference if they are truly honest.

When they are part of your life and you love them I bet it won't matter at all.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and the scan!

X

[Sw1234]

I was certain we were having a girl in my first pregnancy. We had a girls and boys name but baby was a she to me. We found out at our 20 week scan it was a boy and it made the experience so much more special to be wrong and to get my head around a boy instead. It was exciting telling my family, who were also convinced it was a girl. Our LB is now 15 months old and he is honestly the most amazing child. A friend was desperate for a girl (first child was a boy) but didn't find out the gender until birth. She's admitted she found it disappointing when he was born and took a while to bond.

Whatever your outcome, if you're imagining yourself with a boy, I think it's definitely right to find out to have time to prepare.

We did a gender reveal for family with my second pregnancy but me and my DH already knew the gender from our scan. It was lovely to be able to see everyone else's reactions as we already knew. Maybe that's something you could do?

[Seb9]

I never found out for either of my babies what sex they were going to be. An awful acquaintance of mine made a huge deal about how she had to know one to really be able to bond with baby and the best way for her to vision board her way through labour etc. For some reason it pissed me off so much, because I felt like the sex of my child was actually the least important thing to me at the end of the day.

My reasoning was it wasn't actually as important to me as things like figuring out if they'd be kind, funny, adventurous etc. They're the things I find more value in.

I had two girls and they're the most hilarious, wild, brave, bonkers kids. They're absolutely awesome and I can honestly say that I don't have any disappointment in them both being girls, the only thing I'd change about them would be making them better sleepers.

I was worried that my husband I might be disappointed not to have a son, but he's always been so amazing with the children, he adores them completely and I've no concerns now.

I'm not trying to say that finding out is wrong, lots of my friends who I love found out and its always exciting no matter when you find out, but I guess I'm trying to say is that maybe trying to reframe how you're thinking of baby and what qualities you might find more important or interesting than their sex and it might help relive some of your concerns about having gender disappointment.

Sorry if it makes no sense at all, long day and terrible sleeping children 😁

[Twiglet2]

as you say when they are in your arms you do t care so perhaps you could wait until then to find out the gender? It’s a very magical experience to find out as they are delivered and takes all that ‘pressure’ off for gender reveals etc especially if you are having nightmares about it. There’s nothing wrong with finding out the gender before hand of course but some people think they have to and people looked at me funny when I said we weren’t finding out so I just wanted to remind you it’s okay t wait until baby is here to find out 🤗💜 xx

I thought I wanted a girl and was worried I would be sad if it was a boy BUT we had a boy and I’m soooooo glad we did, as soon as he was placed in my arms I knew I wouldn’t change him for the world and I’m so glad we waited until that moment too 🌍

[Eloquentia]

It's normal to have hopes and expectations. I was convinced I was going to have a boy too and my partner thought it might be a girl. Sure enough, at the 20 weeks scan it turned out it is a girl. I literally had tears of joy in my eyes. It did take me a few weeks to adjust to the news and change nursery decor plans etc but now very happy and excited to meet her. Give yourself time and space to process the news whatever it is. I think the brain adjusts very well and distinguishes between hopes and reality. Knowing the gender has really helped me prepare for baby mentally and made it all much more real. Good luck!

[StarsAllAround]

Hi just want to say first of all don't be hard on yourself I think everyone who goes what we go through to get pregnant experiences some sort of anxiety so do not be hard on yourself. Form my experience I and everyone around me were convinced I was having a boy so much so that everyone referred to my bump as Freddie. We were the last of our siblings on both sides to have a baby and all there children are girls. Both sets of grandparents told us they wanted a grandson this time. We waited till birth to find out the gender. When our miracle arrived and they handed our baby girl to me there was no disappointment only love and both sets of grandparents seem in love 💕 with her too. So try not to over think it whatever the gender they will be loved and that's all that matter x

[Winterbaby23]

thank you everyone! The main reason for us finding out is for decor and clothing etc, I’m from an art background so want things that I can personalise with baby’s name. Reading that the adjustment has been quick for you and sometimes instant has definitely been reassuring! I know I won’t be disappointed if it’s a girl because growing up I always wanted a little girl but for some reason I got really excited over the idea of a boy when I fell pregnant.

We’re going to still get her to write it down for us so we can look when we get home later and have our own private reveal just the two of us. That way I can get my initial reaction ,whatever happens, away from prying eyes. Then I think we’re going to start planning how we’re going to reveal it to everyone else. Neither of us were ever bothered about a gender reveal when we discussed the idea of having kids, however I haven’t had an easy pregnancy so far so my other half isn’t sure he wants another one. So if this is possibly our only child, we want to celebrate everything we can along the way. Thank you again for all your replies! My main focus for the scan is just making sure baby is okay and growing well, although the dancing and rib kicks at 4am this morning give me a good idea.

[StarsAllAround in reply to Winterbaby23]

You will be amazed at how much your little one will have changed since your 12 week scan. Just be prepared that they may not be able to tell the gender at your scan it will depend on the position your little one is in. Good luck and just enjoy watching your little one on screen x