Positive Pregnancy test

[AquaRoundtipbrush]

hi everyone, I’m 24, and so is my partner. We are in love and happy together.

I was on hormonal contraception for 6 years but thought it was about time I took I break because things such as endometriosis and cancer of the womb run in my family.

The reason I took contraception was to manage my extreme period pains, sometimes heavy bleeding that would leak after just half an hour of me wearing both tampon and pad and I’ve been at work where a few times I’ve just bled all over my pants/ trousers at my desk.

I have been off the contraception pill for about 7-8 months now, my periods have slowly become more and more painful like they used to be, but feel as though it could be worse.

I arranged to get this looked into, had a blood test literally Monday and was waiting to received a letter arranging for an ultrasound to look into whether or not I may have endometriosis or anything else.

I wanted these tests so that I could figure out my options, I’m going to be 25 this year and I have always felt like I’d have children around age if 28-32, due to making sure I was completely ready financially for a baby- have a house with a garden etc.

However, if my tests were to come back with something like, like endometriosis, this would maybe make me consider bringing my plans of having a baby forward as to avoid complications with endometriosis during pregnancy, child birth or the ability to conceive as a whole depending on what results I came back with .

Remember I said I had my blood test Monday? It is now Thursday, and yesterday (Wednesday) I took 4 pregnancy tests which all came back positive/ pregnant etc .

So I’m freaking out

Before I move onto my question : I need open minded and supportive people here only ,okay?

I cannot decide what is best decision to make as I am currently renting, my partner and I have about 50k annual income a year (before Tax) and we are in a 1 bed apartment on top floor of building conversion, with no garden, no car, no driving licences

I don’t have my half of a house deposit saved, I will have to try and find somewhere bigger for us to live, it will be a lot of things to sort etc like we are NOT PREPARED

however emotionally, I do not want to abort this baby.

I want to keep it.

I think it will break me mentally and emotionally if I abort this baby

I just know that this was not the right time

my partner has reassured me he will step up. But he wasn’t done being a kid, travelling , going on holidays or trips, sight seeing, climbing mountains etc

I literally went to a rave event a few months ago and now I’m here deciding if I should have this baby or not and I can’t speak to anyone I know incase I decide to abort and then all our families will judge me

so it’s a secret between us and we only have each other to speak to

And he’s freaking out big time

like he’s not ready but he feels like he’s being forced down this path he has no control over and I’m scared I’m going to push him over the edge

but he respects it’s my decision and said he will support me no matter what I’m just overwhelmed bc we really are so in love I don’t want to make the wrong decision that fucks everything up

[NicoJono]

Hi,

Only you and your partner can make that decision. To protect your relationship, my only advice is make sure it really is a joint decision

If you need support speak to your GP who will arrange counselling to help you with your decision making.

Good luck x

[AquaRoundtipbrush in reply to NicoJono]

hi NocoJono,

Thank you for your reply, I didn’t know you could have counselling to help you make this decision.

Thank you

[Dansolo92]

The choice has ultimately got to be yours. Yes your partner gets a say but if he was to push you into an abortion then you'd always resent him for it. But in my opinion there's never a right time to have a baby. There's always something that isn't 'perfect'. I was 18 when I fell pregnant with my first baby. I wasn't ready. I lived at home and didn't even want to be with her Dad. We didn't end up staying together but I still got to do things that young people do. I went out to gigs. Trips away with friends. I always had family support to look after her so I got a break. That doesn't make you a bad parent. Taking time for yourself is important. The better you are in yourself the better you are mentally to look after your child. Life doesn't just stop because you have a child. It just changes. But I did find I didn't even want to do those things as much when she was here. I loved spending time with her and doing things with her instead. Now I have 4 kids total. I have the house I always wanted. The partner who is amazing. It didn't happen at the perfect time. But it worked out in the end. It just took a little longer than it would have done if I was a bit older when I started having my children.Nobody will ever judge you for whatever decision you make. It is your body and your baby. But ultimately it is your choice. Maybe speaking to a counsellor first would be the best choice and help you make the best decision for you xx

[AquaRoundtipbrush in reply to Dansolo92]

hi DANSOLO92,

Thank you for your reply I honestly feel as though I don’t care about those things that I could be “giving up” anymore anyway. Like I feel already like it just wouldn’t compare to this baby.

I haven’t travelled as much as I thought I would- but honestly this baby just feels meant to be

[Dansolo92 in reply to AquaRoundtipbrush]

Then I think that might be your decision made. You're already thinking like a Mum. And I bet you'd be a brilliant one xx

[AquaRoundtipbrush in reply to Dansolo92]

I think so too. Super terrified of doing a good job but hopefully that means I’ll make sure I do.

[Klh19]

me and my partner were 30 when we fell pregnant, we were actually trying and we were so happy but also had nerves and worries, we couldn’t have been more ready, financially, job wise, house wise etc but it’s a mahoosive thing and you’ll have anxieties about it no matter when. I cried to my partner that it was positive and he said ‘what did you expect would happen’ but it was just the reality of it all. My son is now 8 months old and I could not imagine life without him, my partner is amazing and watching him be a great dad only makes me love him more.

I hope your shock will ease and you’ll find a way to navigate your thoughts. But remember he too knew this could happen so make sure he remembers that.

Take care x

[AquaRoundtipbrush in reply to Klh19]

Hi KIH19,

I appreciate the time you have taken to reply to me and read my story.

Hearing that you waited until a few years later to try and have a baby is reassuring to hear you still had nerves and anxieties.

The thing I have been struggling with is how scary it is that I wasn’t expecting this so I have not been mentally preparing myself for things such as pregnancy or child birth and how those things terrify me.

But hearing that this would happen no matter when I would get pregnant helps me realise that going through with this pregnancy is what I want and just because I’m scared doesn’t mean that it’s not.

Thank you

[SRA8]

Life does not stop after having a baby. You can still travel and party etc, just not as much and other costs do take priority. It's sounds like you've already made your mind up to me.

[Twiglet2]

the answer can only come from you it’s your life you need to go forward with and such a personal choice.

Some thoughts from me since you were looking for some advice- I would urge you to listen to your heart here mostly as if we listened to our head when it came to babies I don’t think any of us would have them as the timing is never ‘perfect’ and if your heart is telling you one thing and you don’t listen to it that’s where it could cause you heartache in the future where as practical things can mostly always be overcome. If your hearts not in it that could tell you your answer, or if your heart can’t imagine not keeping the baby the practical stuff can be worked through though and you’d be surprised the support that can appear when a baby is involved.

As an example -My friend ended up homeless and single at 7months pregnant (even though she had ‘everything’ sorted when she fell pregnant) her little one is 6months old now and she is settled in a life she would never have imagined this time last year but oh my goodness I have never seen her so happy!

It also sounds like there’s the possibility of a condition that might make it difficult for you to try later in life to consider which must be also spinning through your mind. That must be adding extra weight to the decision but I guess that’s quite unknown at the moment on whether you would have brought your family plans forward anyway with the results.

A tough decision but I’m glad you are both in it together discussing it. Whatever you decide keep talking to each other as much as you can as either way you will be a strong team that way. Good luck in whatever you decide lovely xx

[AquaRoundtipbrush in reply to Twiglet2]

hi Twiglet2,

Thank you for taking the time to read my story and respond.

Honestly thank you for confirming what I was thinking anyway.

My heart is completely against the idea of the abortion and the only reason why I even considered it was because I needed to make sure I wasn’t just in shock or something.

Yes the financial situations etc and all the things I have to plan, like yes there are tons of things I need to sort but ,

I feel determined to do those things, I feel like they don’t matter as much as it means to keep this baby.

Thank you

[Twiglet2 in reply to AquaRoundtipbrush]

you’ve got this 💪🏼 sending love and strength 💜 xx

[Happy2477]

well the baby is already here and growing, you should definitely continue in your pregnancy.

I was tempted with abortion at your exact same age, I even called the clinic! I lived in a terrible neighborhood, and wanted to go to nursing school.

Long story short, my baby is now 16 years old, I have a house and finished nursing school.

I’ve learned babies don’t ruin your life, we can do that all by ourselves.

My 16 year old is advanced beyond her years, I can’t imagine how hard life would be without her.

Adoption is another option too. ✨❤️❤️❤️✨

I pray for the best outcome for you.✨

[Positivechangeplease]

I’m so sorry you suffer so much with endo. And you are quite young to be taking this big big step. I wouldn’t cast any judgment and would urge you to take the time you need to consider all options. But one thing I will say is you are never ready and I think everyone feels they don’t have the space or enough money but you’ll get through. In terms of living a young life, from someone who did all that and had a baby late, what you will have is a lot of time once baby is grown to do all that stuff and you’ll likely be earning more money and have the money to do it. I actually think in a loving relationship 24 is a lovely time to start a family.

[AquaRoundtipbrush in reply to Positivechangeplease]

Hi Positivechangeplease,

That was such a lovely response, thank you so much.

Honestly, I love this baby already and I’m super scared and have a lot to sort but that’s the only thing I’m scared about - making sure I do my best.

[Positivechangeplease in reply to AquaRoundtipbrush]

I’m sure you’ll do your best. And lots of people manage in a one bed flat for the first year. Wishing you all the support in whatever you decide xx

[CLCP]

There is no wrong answer here, whatever you decide will be the right choice for you. My best advice is to speak to your GP, they should be able to refer you to a family planning counsellor. If in doubt, trust you gut instincts. Good luck x

[vivastreet]

I’m here able to assist with your choice you make, I’ve had past relationship with nurse

[Hidden]

I just wanted to send you best wishes and the strength to make the right decision for both of you.

Good luck xxx