I’m due in June, I live with my partner but we don’t plan to get married and his parents told us that if we don’t get married, he will have to adopt his child (they live abroad btw so maybe they invented this idea). I’m afraid I have to say that they’re quite controlling so I guess they said that to reinforce the idea of marriage. I am not very keen on marriage and I won’t do it. Will that affect my partner as a father?
After a short research I didn’t find any relevant information confirming what his parents said. I, instead, thought that giving our child both our surnames would be sufficient to confirm his paternity and equally fair.
So my question is,
Does my partner have to adopt his baby because he’s not married to me?
Thank you.
Written by
Irene198
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Nope, I’m unmarried and my partner doesn’t need to adopt our baby, all he needs is his name on the birth certificate when you register baby, they’re being over dramatic and have very much invented that idea, never get married to please someone else especially in laws! xx
Thank you so much for the response. Yeah I think that’s what they did to terrify us. It disgusts me when they do such things. I’m so relieved to have their nonsense unconfirmed by all of you
No you don’t need to be married for your partner to have parental responsibility the law changed I think it was 2002/03 unmarried father before this had no legal parental responsibility but now you just both need to jointly register. Copied this from gov.uk
Unmarried parents
An unmarried father can get parental responsibility for his child in 1 of 3 ways:
jointly registering the birth of the child with the mother (from 1 December 2003)
getting a parental responsibility agreement with the mother
getting a parental responsibility order from a court
We’re not married and I still have my ex husband surname lol so a bit confusing but these days lots of people families are mixed
No, he doesn't have to adopt. Just name him on the birth certificate as the father. You don't even have to use his surname at all either, as long as he is named as the father on the certificate he is recognised as the father. There are some instances where a parent with a different name to their child may have to prove their parental status - eg if he wants to take the child out of the country but they don't have the same name on their passports he would have to carry a copy of the birth certificate in case he is questioned - to prove he is not kidnapping. But that's really not a problem - as long as he is on the birth certificate. I would have to do the same since my children have their dad's name and we haven't got round to marriage yet. It doesn't bother me.
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Worth saying though- if you are not married he does have to be with you when you go to register the birth in order to be on the certificate. If he isnt at the registrar office he cannot be added so make sure you are both there.
To add to the going abroad with just dad/mum. Obviously Mangoporride you’re planning on getting married I think having both names helps. My daughter has mine and her dads. We’re like OP who has no intention on getting married. It makes things a bit easier as she is xxxx yyyy therefore no issues with the surname.
Yes, if you're happy to use both surnames it would potentially be easier in the long term. We had no particular plans to marry or not when we had our first child and decided to use his name mostly because mine is always spelt wrong by everyone and just doesn't go with many first names whereas his goes with everything. We didnt double barrel because it was just too much of a mouthful to say and, like I say, I wasnt bothered by having a different name or carrying a piece of paper if we did go abroad separately. Cant afford a foreign holiday anyway!! 😂
Do his parents live in Germany? Here the father has to sign a legal document of responsibility if you are not married. It's not adoption but similar. Totally not the case in the UK so don't listen though. Congrats.
Thank you! I am so glad that's not the case here. They don't live in Germany, and now I'm sure they invented this story as they think we are naive and they can control us. These two have always been bizzare, making a fuss out of nothing, drama queens... But now it's crystal clear what we have to do and this is not adoption of course!
So my OH came out with some crap like this when we were discussing surnames, it’s was some bs to do with if my LG had my surname and then me and him got married we would have to have her surname changed, someone told him the surname change process is like adopting your own child
A friend of mine got married to her daughters father. The daughter originally had both parents surnames as a part of the whole both bio parents getting married they were legitimately able to change their daughters name so they all had the fathers. I don’t know how it all worked and I only know what they told me.
No you absolutely don’t need to get married, most of my friends with babies aren’t married! We are, but totally personal preference! Your partner will be babies dad as long as you name him as father when you register the birth x
Thank you Bailey! We will name the baby after our both surnames. I don't think that would affect it, right? We are both 32 and we are the first of our friends to have a child hahah
Not at all! Put his name on the birth certificate and you're all good. Me and my partner are in the same position as I'm not into the idea of marriage, we might have a civil ceremony one day but that's enough for me!
These days there is little reason to marry.You must put the fathers full name, age and occupation on the birth regeneration.
There are other reasons to marry if your boyfriend is going to leave the UK and of foreign birth, as a wife you have a little more control if he runs off with the child.
If he leaves the UK whether your married or not its much harder to get any financial support from him if he is not willing.
If you marry, it isn't cheap to divorce.
You can always marry later. If you split in the future and want to marry someone else it just gets messy as the new boyfriend could be sited in the divorce on a financial level and if you have money your part could be reduced if you are living with that boyfriend or shown on bank statements that he has been supporting you.
As a common law partner the rules these days are more like marriage within the Govt. System. If you own a joint property. OR If you can prove you paid not rent but part of the mortgage. OR took a loan for a new kitchen in his house, but these all probably have to go through the Courts.
I have experienced divorce. Mine took 6 years. I was lock out of my own home when returning from work. He left his job and I had to pay the mortgage while he lived there. I slept on people's floors, in my car for 12mths, then moved near family stayed there 3 years. I then got a boyfriend stayed at his place 3 nights a wk because of divorce rules but lived with a work colleague. I did finally in Court get my half of the house back, I took a new mortgage, paying over a small amount to him. All the Court Costs were charged to him for all his games their view on wasting their time, the Divorce System and my life and time!
This dosent sound right !are you saying your partner has no rights to live in your country I can only see that this has something to do with immigration!are you not planning to put his name on the birth certificate?
I didn't imply anything close to that. My question was clear and the answers I got even clearer. He is a British citizen and I am from Europe, Greece. Thank you though for replying.
Sorry if I misread but your partner can't adopt your child the child is already his adoption is only for when the child isn't his and your right his parents must of invented this
His parents are controlling and it sounds like you need to set up very firm boundaries ASAP. I had a very long winded divorce so technically was legally still married to someone else when my daughter was born, but we just put my at the time boyfriend (now second husbands) name on her birth certificate and no issues at all. Just to prove how wrong they are!
They are using cultural/country differences to make you fearful to manipulate you and control you. It is none of their business if you choose to marry or not. It is rude of them to interfere like so. Know that you do not need to take this kind of abuse from them, you don't even need to stay in touch with them if you don't want to! You don't need additional stress especially not from family and especially not when it's totally made up to control you. Best wishes.
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