Miscarriage, Triosomy and Ectopic Pregnancy

[Mims2019]

I don’t understand, my first pregnancy went like a beautiful dream. After a year me and my partner have been trying for a second and we’ve just been hit time and time again with all the bad things that can go wrong in pregnancy. First I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Second attempt the baby was diagnosed with trisomy 13 Patau’s Syndrome so had the devastating decision to terminate it him/her at 18 weeks, it was on 18th December last week before the Christmas holidays. It was a very quiet Christmas for us…

Today I am at home coming from hospital after going through a keyhole surgery to remove one of my Fallopian tubes that had ruptured because of an ectopic pregnancy.

I am emotionally shattered and so scared of getting pregnant again. Each time I get advice from NHS all I get is statistics. It’s 1 in 100 of getting this, 90% getting that, 0.02 chance of blah blah etc etc. I can’t believe three times in a row I’ve had all the terrible things.

They mentioned IVF as an option, and that comes with 30% success rate.

Should I just give up or risk never being able to get pregnant again if I do get another ectopic pregnancy?

[alohalu]

I’m very very sorry for your loses, it’s really mentally hard being pregnant after miscarriage. If money is not a problem, IVF would at least help you to get your embryos PGS tested, and be more closely monitored at the beginning of the pregnancy. Remember though, that IVF also has risks, including ectopic pregnancies.

But also, if you did lose your other fallopian tube, IVF would still be an option.

It’s a lot of factors to consider, take your time to the research and book more consultations from specialists if you need answers.

All the best!

[Mims2019 in reply to alohalu]

I have been thinking of IVF as an option, but given the risk and the success rate, it’s probably something I will consider if I have another ectopic pregnancy.My experience at a Harley street hospital has made me realised how cold and money motivated some of these clinics can be. On our second attempt, I went for my 8 weeks scan it was then I told that there was a problem with the baby - the nuchal fluid behind the head was abnormally high. I received little compassion, straight after announcing this to us we were shuffled into a small waiting area (with other patients there too) for me and my partner to console our loss. We were then met by a senior doctor who appeared as though we are using up much of his precious time to talk to us about having further tests but it would be a considerable cost. He seemed very eager for us to pay for these tests right away that he filled a form for us and asked me to sign and pay for it on the day, fortunately I hesitated and said we would rather like to go home and think about it all before I do anything else, because I have just been given this news that my baby inside has a problem and may not make it. He tore up these forms and threw it in the bin I front of us. I have since been appalled by this experience and have become very reluctant to play into the games of these private hospitals.

Unless you have any recommendations of consultants?

[alohalu in reply to Mims2019]

Doctors can be really cold sometimes, and I understand why, they see a lot of sad moments in their day to day job, so they need to get used to it, otherwise they would be always miserable. In any clinic you would find the same, some doctors/nurses are more empathic than others. What they should always be is good professionals and definitely does not match what you described! My experience with IVF was really good, never felt rushed, and they clearly knew what they were doing, but of course there is always one or two nurses that can a bit more rude. We did the treatment in Oxford and I would definitely recommend them.

It’s a difficult decision, IVF is definitely not the easy way to have a child, it can be very mentally and physically draining,

[Emdog87]

I’m so sorry for your losses. I have also experienced 2 miscarriages and an ectopic which also resulted in the removal of a tube. I already have a 4 year old and the pregnancy with her was great, very straight forward but trying to conceive again was difficult. I’m now 39 weeks expecting my 2nd, After having an ectopic you are at high risk of having another one but if you do fall pregnant again then they should do early scans that’s what they did with me so they can catch it before resulting in emergency surgery.

Just because you’ve had these losses doesn’t mean it won’t happen. It just might take a little longer now you only have one tube.

Look after yourself and don’t rush your recovery

Xx

[Mims2019 in reply to Emdog87]

Thank you so so much for the advice. I felt so lost and lonely these few days. No one I know, friend or family that has go through what I have been through, so I’ve had no one to talk to about it all. I hate to say this about my body but sometimes I feel embarrassed or ashamed of it. Hearing your story has given me hope x I am so happy for you and your two little ones congratulations and I prey it continues to go well for you all XX

I will try again, yes I will give my body a break, and enjoy the time now with the little one I do have to the fullest!

💝

[Emdog87 in reply to Mims2019]

Sadly miscarriages are so common. When I went through mine I was never given any explanation why it happened people would just say it’s just one of those things which made me so angry. After having my ectopic me and my partner discussed adoption as we thought it would be impossible to conceive naturally, you’ve just got to be patient. It also depends on how much you want to keep trying, my last miscarriage was February last year but then I was pregnant by July so it didn’t take too long (although it felt like it).

Grieving for someone you’ve never met is strange but one thing that really helped me was just focus on the positives in your life. My daughter helped me so much which she will never understand.

Xx

[Mims2019 in reply to Emdog87]

Thank you again Emdog87.You hit it nail on the head there about people saying “it’s Just one of these things”. It doesn’t help at all when all you want is explanation why it is all happening to you. It is amazing how similar we both are - my little man too has helped me more than he will ever know. When I was rushed into hospital after my right fallopian had ruptured on Thursday and was bleeding inside all I was thinking about was him, and that I need to stay alive for him.

XXX