8 month old won’t settle for Dad

[Millbanks]

Hi lovelies,

I’m after some tips.

Our 8 month old bub just won’t settle for his dad.

He’s never been great at it but now he just screams if it’s not me putting him to bed.

His dad used to do bath time and they enjoyed that but recently he’s started hating the bath too and wants out straight away.

Unfortunately they don’t get to spend much time together due to his shift patterns, and we’ve definitely got in to a habit of me just doing everything as it’s easier and less stressful.

Has anyone else experienced this or can suggest ways to improve this? Or is it just a clingy phase that he’ll grow out of?

Much love xx

[Purpledoggy]

Hi lovely. Is he showing other signs of separation anxiety? They develop object permanence around this age and can develop clinginess with one parent. I don’t have good suggestions on how to fix but it might explain why it’s happening-he doesn’t dislike your hubby, just feels he needs you more! He may dislike the bath as he knows it means you’re about to leave him? Things you can try to help SA in general are playing peekaboo type games lots and telling him when you’re leaving the room how long you’ll be and sticking to it, building up the time slowly. Bedtimes can be tough as they know they’ll be left. You could try putting his bedding in your side of the bed on a morning to replace at bedtime so it smells like you Xx

[Purpledoggy in reply to Purpledoggy]

I don’t have the one parent issue (think child prefers Dad 😜) but he definitely showed signs of SA when he was about 8.5mo and it was actually quite abrupt when it started. It seemed noticeable for a couple of weeks but seems to have settled a bit. He LOVES playing peekaboo (I hide behind things asking where he is then pop out with a big ‘there you are!’ and also chuck the towel over his head when drying him at bathtime with the same lines) so maybe that’s what really helped. Hope it passes soon Xx

[Millbanks in reply to Purpledoggy]

Thanks so much for your response.

He doesn’t have any other signs of separation anxiety. In fact we spent the weekend with some friends he’d never met and he was completely fine being with them when I wasn’t there.

Yes he definitely wants me more! He is happy playing with hub but honestly much else doesn’t go down well.

Well try playing peekaboo more!!

Hope all is well with your little rainbow xx

[JoyfulStar]

I can so relate to this and I even wrote a post about this some time ago.

Like you my daughter has not been great at allowing Dad to put her to sleep and it got worse in the last couple of months due to separation anxiety. We just had to roll with it and slowly we are turning a corner. She still prefers mummy and in the middle of the night and will cry hysterically if Dad tries to give me a break but with some patience and persistence like Dad doing her bedtime routine she will go to sleep with him singing her a lullaby- sometimes. He put her to bed last night! It is still hit and miss but we are slowly getting there.

I think he will eventually grow out of it. Let your hubby continue to do what he can that will not cause your little man distress. Maybe you can both do his bath times on occasion. My daughter is slowly learning that when mum is not around, it is only temporary. For example, on weekends, if I leave the room and she starts crying, when I return rather than take her from Dad, I stay there while he comforts her. She is a fiesty girl now so she sometimes struggles out of his arms to come to me or cries hysterically so I take her but we are getting to a place where she is content to be with him as long as I am there. She likes her solid foods so whenever possible, I get Dad to feed her.

This can be an exhausting time but remember your strong bond with your little one is because you’ve done an amazing job! It can be tough on our partners but it is what is. It will get better… in time xxx

[Millbanks]

thanks lovely, some great tips there.

I think ultimately I’m just going to roll with it. He’s only going to need me this way for such a comparatively short period of time so I’m going to embrace it.

Hopefully at some point he’ll relax a bit.

He loves his dad during the day and they love playing. He’s just started waving at him too which is super cute. But bedtimes and soothing are reserved just for mumma xx

[Rain415]

Hi Millbanks

I can't beilive it's been 8 months already! My son has started doing this but unfortunately for me the other way around. Think it's because I'm at work full time and it's dad who is there more. He's super happy to see me when I get back but cries when my husband leaves the room sometimes and I noticed he can get him to sleep better. I'm just persisting with it! And my husband is there with me sometimes. Its slowly getting better x

[Millbanks in reply to Rain415]

Aw I’m sorry to hear this. It really sucks so much.

I think ultimately it’s a phase and hopefully we’ll just get through it and come out the other side!!

Xx

[Jess1981]

Lots of great advice and tips others have given nothing I can add. My Francesca at 3.5 still just wants mummy to put her to bed. She also loves playing with Daddy just bedtime is only a Mummy time. Sounds very normal if that makes you feel any better. With Francesca i tended to do everything for her and perhaps some will think I made a rod for my own back but you do what you feel is right. Eliza has had to share me so sometimes she has to go with Daddy too Xx

[Millbanks in reply to Jess1981]

Thanks Jess! I guess we’ll just have to wait and see!

Much love to you all xx