I want to share my experience with pregnancy so far to help women who like me are finding it a difficult out experience.

[Summer2021]

I’ve decided to pay for and get a private scan done at 16 weeks and to find out gender.

I am nervous but excited to see baby again and just hope it’s well and healthy.

Although I’m in second trimester I am finding pregnancy very difficult with my mental health to the point that my partner can’t handle my behaviour and I’m now staying with my parents.

I was reluctant to do this as I do not have faith in my partner and rightly so as he has started up smoking again despite both of us quitting together before we had our unplanned baby. However after an incident occurred and I confided in a family member I made the decision to give both us breathing space, it was a difficult decision.

I just want other ladies to know that when it comes to your health, mental and physical, you need to do what’s right for you. Men do not and will not ever understand unless you are with the rare type who can take care of your needs. It is ok to ask for help when you/if you’re struggling, like me. Do not be afraid of what people will think as this was also one of my worries. People will never stop judging despite not being in a position to judge!

I’m now on a waiting list for counselling which I referred myself to and been referred to perinatal mental health by my midwife and have surrounded myself with people who understand the changes going through my body and mind at this difficult time.

I made the right choice to leave home. It’s made a world of difference and I hope anyone who is struggling out there will use the support available out there.

I want this post to be positive for those who are in my position and finding life particularly a struggle due to what’s happening in the world right now and added stress and worries of growing and preparing for new life.

We’re here together so let’s use this space to talk. We are strong and we’re in this together! Please get in touch and share your stories to help women like me realise that it’s ok to not be ok and to ask for help and recognise it. Love and strength to all. 🙏🏽

[Octoberbaby2019]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! And I'm proud of you for making such a difficult but important decision. Your mental health and health is most important because your baby will need you so you need to look after yourself first.It took me a long time to reach out to family for support and I still hesitate sometimes now but you are absolutely right it's not an admission of defeat, nobody has to do everything by themselves, otherwise we'd all be super humans.

Wishing you all the best with the rest of the pregnancy xx

[Wendi38]

Thank you for your post 💙 I’m also suffering with mental health atm because the pandemic I won’t go out my baby is 10 weeks old and its petrifying I question why do we were mask and our baby’s are not even told to put a rain cover on for protection (obv common sense) but it has made me worry so much.. not only that the day I told my partner I was pregnant he left me he came in and out for a while saw our son 3 times and just left like that after 12 years so I feel so isolated and alone his family live basically on my road and none of them want to know because he doesn’t I find this so heartbreaking for my son! And found out a week ago he has a new girlfriend..... everyone thinks I’m ok and some days I am but when I get two mins to my self it really hits home ... currently trying to move! Hope everyone has a lovely new year xxx

[SRA8 in reply to Wendi38]

I hope you are getting some support. That is truly awful what has happened to you. Just on the rain cover front - they are purposefully well ventilated so lots of outside air gets in and they offer little to no protection.

Wishing you a better 2021. X

[Wendi38 in reply to SRA8]

Thank you 😊 no one really understands how I feel ... they say “if he could do that then your better off with out him” witch is true but it’s hurt deep like betrayal.... it’s hard to explain... like some days I feel totally numb and others it hurts it’s weird .... my son is literally my life xx I have Counciling on the 12th as I’ve been on a waiting list since October when my son was born xx

[SRA8 in reply to Wendi38]

Honestly can't imagine plus all the hormones making it 10x worse. Glad your appt is coming up.

[Wendi38 in reply to SRA8]

Thank you x

[Millsbyronleojohn in reply to SRA8]

And they get very hot too so if you do go this route make sure to keep an eye on the temp even on cold days . It like leaving them in a car with all the windows closed I would only use while it’s raining , just don’t let ppl touch him or her and you will be fine

[Summer2021 in reply to Wendi38]

I’m sorry to hear you are going through your pregnancy without the father wanting to be involved. I hope that you family and friends around you to support you. The counselling will help, it’s good to get out what you are feeling. It’s easy for others to say ‘he’s not worth it’ etc but only you know how you feel. Work through your emotions with professional help as I intend to do. Remain as positive as you can, focus on your son 🙂.

I too in first trimester was afraid to go out because of the pandemic, but I’ve realised that taking care of my mental health and getting out of the house is much for important for me personally as long as I am ensuring I’m washing my hands frequently, wearing a mask in public places and keep social distance when relevant.

I hope the move goes well, you have so many major changes going on, try and take time out for yourself.

Keep in touch and send me a private message if you need to talk. I too have good days and Bad days but it’s when I’m alone that I feel the worse, that’s why staying with family is helping me and they also understand my mental health unlike my partner.

Wish you the best Wendi38 x

[Wendi38 in reply to Summer2021]

Thank you so so much for your lovely kind words, firstly congratulations 🥳 on baby! So exciting!!! It’s really hard being preg with all the pandemic it’s not a normal pregnancy that’s how I felt ... less appointments couldn’t have no one with you with scans ... I don’t know if there lenient now? I’ll definitely keep in touch send me a message anytime xx be lovely to chat xx

[Millsbyronleojohn in reply to Wendi38]

I take my son out all the time , he is a picture of health. No rain cover unless it rains we walk around for hours we go and have a coffee while he is asleep. It’s good to be out walking being sat in the house 24/7 will not be good . He is 7 month now and we have been doing this since he was 3 weeks old. As for your partner he is clearly a prick your better off as you are , make sure you use clairs law with your next partner before you let someone in your house. Hope things get better don’t give up your stronger than that. Life will just move on without you if you stop anyway with all the neg talk we have 3 sma milk to give away stage 2 and a big ass bag of clothes if you want or if you know some one that would like them some he have never worn we live in Oldham near Manchester if your close your welcome to grab them . Chin up bruv ( yes I know your a woman ) nothing can break you remember that. After what you have been through already ( giving birth ) there is nothing that could happen that is more of a strain that that.

[Jessb17]

Your right its ok to not be ok and to get help and not be ashamed. I suffered last year with my mental health and going through issues with my husband to the point he stopped at his dad's now and again but we still worked on it. We are listening to each other now and communicating more about how we feel. I am now carrying our first child although it may not be a normal experience for us due to pandemic but I've tried to make him feel involved as much as possible. I suffered really bad from morning sickness to the point I was hospitalised and he has been amazing so far with everything with cooking me food, cleaning etc we used to do it together but he just does it as well as working over 40 hours a week.

Sometimes you need to have a break to realise what you both truly recognise what you want and I hope you are able to work on it together x

[Summer2021 in reply to Jessb17]

I am really pleased to hear that your husband is being supportive throughout your pregnancy even though he is working! He sounds like one of the rare ones, a real gem🙂 I hope we can work on it to but I feel I need to work through my issues before I can focus on my and partners relationship. X

[Wendi38 in reply to Summer2021]

My rain cover Has mesh on both sides... and tbh where I am is really wet and freezing xx thank u thou

[Hidden]

It sounds like a strange thing to say, but I have been stating since after having my first child that I was lucky to have had mental health issues earlier in life. I had clinical depression in my early and mid twenties, didnt start a family until I was 35. Having experienced mental health difficulties before really set me up to better recognize the warning signs of post natal depression and do what I needed to keep myself on the right track. I also have the most amazing fiancee who, despite not knowing me during my depression and not having had personal or close experience of it, has always made it his business to know how to recognise it and deal with me when it threatens to rise up. But not everyone is as lucky as me with the support immediately available, and that's where your message is so so important. It is always ok to ask for help, it is always ok to put your mental health needs first. And anyone who judges you harshly for this is clearly ignorant. If you have the strength then educate them, if you dont, ignore them, you have more important things to concern yourself with.

[Summer2021 in reply to Hidden]

It’s not strange at all. I completely agree. I have suffered with mental health most my life and also recognise the signs. Although I did not want to believe it and kept pushing myself to the point I had an emotional breakdown and my colleague said I needed to take time out for myself. Ive tried to educate my partner many times as to how it makes me feel and how every day I can feel like a different person and that I don’t intentionally mean to be moody or hurtful towards him but because he does not understand he becomes defensive and it doesn’t help me. He doesn’t think it’s an illness. We needed to take a break from each other as hard as it was to admit that. Right now I need to focus on myself and the baby.

I’m happy for you that you have a supportive husband and that this continues for you through your life together. 🙏🏽

[JLLWM]

hey,

totally with you on this. i will say, please please

please keep going back to the mental health/perinatal teams if they do not get back to you or say you do not meet threshold. it took me about 7 attempts to get under the perinatal team, wellbeing team also discharged me because i referred myself whilst i werent pregnant. it took me to pretty much have a breakdown multiple times with my midwife until someone listened to me. had baby a week and a half ago and im struggling a lot but please send me a message if you need to talk x

[Summer2021 in reply to JLLWM]

I got told by midwife that I may not meet the threshold but that if this happens she can go back to them or something along those lines. I do feel afraid that they may say I don’t meet the threshold because I’ve referred myself to two counselling services but this is because I recognise my mental health and am being proactive so as to not become bedridden as I have done in the past due to my past depression. I feel very unstable and fragile. My moods are unpredictable and I hope they are able to recognise and provide the support I need to be able to get back into work and try and get back to my normal routine.

Well done for persisting on getting the help you need!! Mental health is so challenging to deal with in our heads and even more so when you have to keep repeating your story to people because they don’t see the help you need.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby, I haven’t been through having a new born yet so can only imagine the difficulties- I hope you have the support you need currently and if not, don’t be afraid to talk about it and ask for help.

Thank you for offer to keep in touch I will do, I hope you too will if you need to talk x