How did you decide if/when to try for another baby?

[Redsequin]

Hi lovely ladies,

I hope you are all well.

Just wondering how you can to a decision if/when to try for another baby following a successful cycle of IVF? I’m absolutely in love with my silly, strong willed baby girl who is now 9 months (pic below!) and like the idea of a bigger family. Simultaneously, I’m also ludicrously tired, not getting any younger and have no time for myself… and I do sometimes wonder how bigger families do it 😅. If we do try for another, I can’t decide if close together is better (get the really tough sleep deprivation done all at once!) or spread out (wait until the first is a bit more independent). Aware also that there’s no guarantees a second transfer would work and even if one did, no idea how many transfers and therefor how long the process would take (we have 4 untested frozen embryos of average grades: 1 ab and 3 bbs made when I was 36/37).

Any thoughts welcome,

xx

[Fudge1980]

Hey stranger!

What a beautiful little one 🥰 nice to see your doing well.

It’s upto you lovely (if) I had the option to have another I would absolutely jump at the chance and I would do it now as our lg is now almost 13mths (times flown right) but I would want them quite close together due to my age. We are absolutely shattered all the time but every yawn is totally worth it just for the smiles alone 😊 also whilst are bodies are used to little/disturbed sleep it won’t make much difference lol

💕 love sent to you all

[Redsequin in reply to Fudge1980]

Fudge! So lovely to hear from you. Wow, can’t believe your little girl is 13 months already 🥹. That’s so grown up! How is everything going?

It’s a good point about your body being used to very little sleep. I’m such a snoozy person that I’m honestly surprised I’m surviving as well as I am. The nights are so hard, particularly at the moment as she’s having a sleep regression, but once it’s daylight you just kind of get on with it 😂

I think the whole idea just feels v overwhelming, particularly since I didn’t have the best birth!

Lots of love

[Fudge1980 in reply to Redsequin]

we are doing so good thank you! This was little miss at her 1st bday party. It’s flown and makes me so sad.

Just a reminder everything passes 🫶🏼 you got this mummy! I remember thinking these nights will never pass but they do and sleep gets soooo much better thank god 😊

If you ever need anything or advice on the stage your in just message me I will try to help 💕

1st birthday 🎂

[Redsequin in reply to Fudge1980]

She is just PERFECT, Fudge. What a gorgeous girl.

And thank you. It always cheers me up to remember everything is just a phase. Also even after the hardest night, my little girls smile makes it all better. xxx

[Gempuddleduck]

Hiya! We are thinking exactly the same and decided to use one of our Frosties in January when baby will be 12 months. Figured better to get it all done at once, plus I’m 40 now and we thought it would nice for them to play together too. Xx

[Redsequin in reply to Gempuddleduck]

Hi Gempuddleduck. Wow that’s brave! Probably sensible though to get it all done at once.

I think the soonest I could probably manage psychologically would be starting up treatment again once she is about 18 months. I think there’s a part of me that’s a bit intimidated by heading back into the IVF world 😅. It’s been so nice not thinking about ttc. Xx

[Gempuddleduck in reply to Redsequin]

I completely agree!!

[Purpledoggy]

Hi lovely. My age and also age of frosties were our triggers. I was 40 when I had my first boy via IVF and still had some frosties left. We had to wait a min of 12m due to having a C section and as I was then 41 it was now or never. Success with frosties decreases with time and I didn’t want to be pregnant at 43/44 (absolutely no diss to anyone who does it, just wasn’t for me). Being 5m pregnant at 42 with a 19mo toddler is haaard work, esp as the morning sickness was really vicious this time around, but I didn’t think we would have had much time to wait. I also figured ripping the bandaid off with the hard work was the better option for us! On the plus side, I never get to sit still at home while he’s awake so I’m hoping constantly being on the move might help protect against GDM or too much weight gain 😂 xx

[Purpledoggy in reply to Purpledoggy]

Also your baby is just gorge 😍 xx

[Redsequin in reply to Purpledoggy]

Aw thanks

[Redsequin in reply to Purpledoggy]

This is weird. I tried to type a reply but it vanished??! I was just saying sorry for the slow reply - baby’s sleep has dropped off a cliff the last month for various reasons. Thanks so much for your reply. It’s so helpful knowing other people’s motivating factors. Such a monumental decision to make!

Hope you are getting some rest in the evenings, lovely, as well as being constantly on the move. That must be so tiring!

[Sw1234]

I've just had baby 2 through ivf. LB is 17 months old. The age gap is closer than I'd have planned but if someone told me I'd be able to give my LB a sibling I'd have been over the moon, whatever the gap. Baby 2 was a new IVF cycle and as my AMH was low thought we'd have to do a couple of collections/transfers so started sooner than I would have done. No time is right. I was able to have EC/transfer just under 9 months after first child by GA c section so the rule about waiting a year does seem to vary by clinics

[Redsequin in reply to Sw1234]

Thanks so much for this and sorry for the (very) slow reply. Yes, I think the time to wait in between does vary clinic to clinic, but I don’t think I’d actually be physically ready for a while yet anyway as my poor body is still suffering some repercussions from a difficult vaginal birth.

Ps congrats on your second baby! How lovely

[Hiramunir78]

Hi, you got gorgeous baby. My baby will be 16 months old on 28th August. I am again going for transfer on Thursday. I am so afraid. 2nd transfer worked for us. Still my baby can't sleep without breastfeed but still i m here.

[Hiyaaaaaa in reply to Hiramunir78]

Hi, did your clinic ask you to stop breastfeeding? I have read on another forum that some clinics ask stopping 3 months before a transfer. I have a 9months old and thinking about contacting clinic for next transfer but it will break my heart if I will be told to stop bf.

[Hiramunir78 in reply to Hiyaaaaaa]

Yes you need to stop. And my clinic told me to stop. Still baby don't want bottle. In night especially he want bf instead of bottle.

[Hiyaaaaaa in reply to Hiramunir78]

Good luck with your transfer! On the same forum some mommies continued to bf during ivf and still fell pregnant. My baby is combi fed but I was adamant from the beginning that I won't stop. Now she settles to sleep with bf only and I am loving it.

[Redsequin in reply to Hiramunir78]

Thank you 🙏🏻 how did the transfer go? Xxx

[Twiglet2]

Hey 👋🏼 what a little cutie! Hope you ar doing well! 🥰 we phoned the clinic when ours was 3 months old and did our first frostie transfer when he was about 7 months old… still trying now he’s 2 and a half. We got stuck straight back in knowing that IVF can take a while but it’s taking even longer than we planned/hoped! My age was a big factor though (I’m now 41) at first I was thinking about the age gap and how to plan it etc but now I don’t care! if we can get a sibling at all any time will be the right time 🤗💜 xx

[Hiyaaaaaa in reply to Twiglet2]

Hi would you mind me asking if the first one was born naturally or a section?

[Twiglet2 in reply to Hiyaaaaaa]

Naturally with no complications and wasn’t breast feeding and my periods had returned to normal after about 2 months, those were 3 of the questions the consultant asked before they said we could go ahead think they said 12 months recommended to wait if it was a C-section and that breast feeding had complications due to the meds and hormones etc but they had some ways around that but preferred if not breast feeding before trying again xx

[Hiyaaaaaa in reply to Twiglet2]

Thanks for your response xyou just answered all my main queries there xxI got my second period so I assume it has returned to normal. Baby is combi fed but would like to continue bf if that's not a road block.

[Redsequin in reply to Twiglet2]

Hi Twiglet. Wow! You’re so brave going for your first transfer when your little one was only 7 months old. Sorry it’s been taking so long and you haven’t had success yet. Fingers crossed for you it happens soon.

[Fruitandflowers]

I wanted to try again straight away, my periods started back at about 7 months and I called the clinics I'd used previously to do embryo banking while I was the right side of 40; private said no more rounds or transfers until at least a year after a c-section whereas NHS were OK to do a round at about 10mnths. All went a bit wrong and we only got 1 egg so clinic suggested transferring. That ended in PUL and because it had all gone so badly and I felt we'd lost a lot more time, I wanted to start trying with the frosties we had from earlier rounds. No luck on FET last month. Now it's an obsession the way it was trying for our first so not sure I ever made a decision, more my hormones took over my rational brain. Don't know how we'll manage as it's hard enough with one but I so want a sibling for my daughter so that's another big driver.

[Redsequin in reply to Fruitandflowers]

Thank you, lovely. Just saw your news! How amazing is that. Wishing you a smooth and uneventful pregnancy. Xx

[Fruitandflowers in reply to Redsequin]

Thank you! The most unexpected thing ever (my consultant on the other hand thought it was so normal and common after IVF, that he really didn't seem remotely surprised - he couldn't give me a reason it happens though...) It's not sunk in and I'm waking up every day assuming the worst, but at least I know my body can do it now x

[Shopper85]

Waited for a bigger gap 3 years, because they have these terrible tantrums at 2 and are super active until 3, then they settle down abit. The thought of having a new born and a wild toddler sounded scary how could I cope with both needs! So that was our reasoning but I've heard any age could be hard and can't always plan when is best.

[Redsequin in reply to Shopper85]

Thank you, that’s a really interesting perspective.

[Positivechangeplease]

hey there! She’s lovely! I have my 14 month old and I’m not getting any older and will be 43 in Dec. So I’ve been tossing this idea around in my head since she was 9 months. In that time, I’ve struggled to get work on 3 days a week because I want to enjoy my time with her and I like the life/work balance. I’ve managed to get contract work again for 3 days (ish) but it’s very uncertain and only guaranteed until Jan and in this time the cost of living has started to bite along with the extortion of childcare. It’s not the tiredness or even age that puts me off but in a way for me it’s also now or never. We have one 5AB in the freezer with no guarantee as everyone knows of success. And that was from when I was 39. The thought of me getting pregnant runs my partners blood cold because he thinks we can only manage 1 financially and we can’t afford a second. He also thinks there’s some propaganda from multiple child parents that say a sibling is good as they can play together and seem to miss all the fights together. They still need you as primary carer so that doesn’t go. So he’s in the one and done camp. I also seem to be riddled with more issues since giving birth and wonder how much more difficult it would be health wise and I didn’t enjoy pregnancy and since I don’t have a stable job it is a much more difficult financial decision. I fear we’ll regret not trying but equally I don’t want to become obsessed with the idea and maybe just maybe I should be happy with one. Gah… it’s such a mind f*** isn’t it?

[Hiyaaaaaa in reply to Positivechangeplease]

You have just said all that comes and goes in each of our minds!BTW my LG 9 months now is from a 5AB. x

[Positivechangeplease in reply to Hiyaaaaaa]

That’s my 14 month old too… it’s constantly going on in my mind but whilst my partner is not on board the decision is no 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Jane8412]

Congratulations on your gorgeous girl. She is so lovely.

We always new we wanted to try for a sibling so when my son was coming up to 1 we contacted the clinic and they confirmed that in order to start the process for a FET I had to stop breastfeeding and get my cycle back. As soon as it started we got the ball rolling with tests and scans and booked in for our FET when he was about 15 months. Due to my age and low AMH/AFC and the fact we only had 1 embryo in the freezer we were expecting a long road of IVF for a sibling so wanted to get started as soon as I felt ready. You just never know if it will work straight away or if you are going to need to try for a while. But you also don't want to force yourself if you're not ready. The day I was due to start taking my drugs for the FET I ended up getting my first ever natural BFP which was a complete shock due to being told I would need IVF due to low AMH (which had dropped even lower on the latest tests).

Sending you lots of luck! xx

[Hiyaaaaaa in reply to Jane8412]

Congratulations! Halfway through only but I was expecting to read what you wrote in the last line :)Although I will contact my clinic to know what they say but did you clinic only asked you to stop breastfeeding to get your periods back? Mine have returned though I am still bf - combi fed baby.

[Jane8412 in reply to Hiyaaaaaa]

That's a good question but I'm not sure. In my case my cycles hadn't returned and they told me to contact them once they had and that I would need to stop breastfeeding for that to happen. Not sure how they would feel about doing a FET if I was still breastfeeding. Not sure how they would know! I believe that prolactin levels generally return to normal after a year so not sure they would be able to tell by blood tests. I joined a facebook group 'Breastfeeding Nums undergoing Fertility Treatment/IVF'. It had loads of info on doing IVF while still breastfeeding. Have a look at that group as it is really helpful. x

[Hiyaaaaaa]

She is so beautiful! My LG is almost 9 months from a fresh transfer. This question is bothering me too. I am thinking to go for an FET with only frozen emby, appreciate it's not a good grade (3cb), before the storage period is over Feb next year. if I get lucky the thought of managing pregnancy and birth etc with a toddler is scary too especially when we have family, who can support , living abroad. I will be 38 in a month so have to think about starting the ivf cycle sooner next year if this fet doesn't work out.

[Jess1981]

Hi first of congratulations on your baby girl she's beautiful. I don't know how helpful my reply will be ( but I hope it helps) I didn't have IVF but had a long 7 year struggle to have our eldest daughter Francesca and decided to try again when she was a year. We didn't know if my endometriosis was bad again or if we would ever manage to conceive again. but as we had Francesca we were like most people who face infertility incredibly grateful for her. I lost my second daughter Amelia at 20 weeks pregnant then suffered 2 more earlier losses- then conceived our youngest daughter Eliza when Francesca just turned 2 ( it took about a year with the late loss and other losses) There is a 2 year 8 month gap. Francesca was amazingly good when her sister arrived ( it's been more difficult as she is non verbal and diagnosed autistic so there was no pre warning her) The bond they share is lovely and Francesca is very sweet with her younger sister- this morning she brought Eliza's chair to the table to have breakfast together. Yes they do squabble at times with toys but they are also learning some very important social skills. It is pretty full on with them both on my own when hubby is working but you gets on with it and get a good routine 🥰Saying that my son was a perfectly happy only child who was always very social still is ( he was 20 when I had Francesca!) I had Eliza at 40 so you have plenty of time on your side 🤗 We are going to try again for another baby but unlike Francesca or Eliza much less pressure this time and if it happens wonderful but also okay if it doesn't as they have each other and their older brother ☺️ I want to wish you the best with whatever you decide to do with your family and much happiness 🤗 Xx