COVID guilt

[Lydialego123]

Does anyone else feel guilty that their little one isn’t seeing their grandparents and other important people due to these lockdowns?

My little one was born in June and we didn’t let anyone else hold him the first few weeks, then we decided to let his grandparents in the house to hold him and he spent a lot of time with them over the summer and until the recent lockdown.

I’ve followed the rules to the word this lockdown and was really hoping it would only be 4 weeks, now we are in tier 2. It was really beginning to impact my mental health so I was relieved to see that families with a child under 1 could have a support bubble with another family.

We have decided to bubble up with my in laws as they live really close and don’t see their other grand child, whereas my mum who is also close is in a bubble with my sister and my niece as she is on her own.

Part of me feels really guilty as I feel like I am withholding him from her (although we meet for walks), and I just can’t shake that she won’t be able to see him properly maybe until April next year, it makes me feel sick. Am I the only one?

[Hidden]

No advice or anything but it must be so rubbish having a newborn during all of this. It also takes all the excitement away of having a new baby and being able to do baby groups etc. I’ve got a nearly 3 year old and it’s really hard trying to explain why she can’t see her grandad 🙁 I’m probably a broken record explaining about the germs all the time. We will get there eventually xx

[Lydialego123 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for replying you are right it does feel that way, we had started to go to swimming lessons and do a music class which are starting up again which will be nice as it breaks the day up and he enjoys them. But again I think doing those things and not seeing my mum properly doesn’t sit right.

Oh gosh that must be hard for you ☹️ Fingers crossed it will all be different at some point next year xx

[Itsalongjourney26]

I just want to say I totally sympathise. My husband and I had our son at the end of August and have had the same issues. It’s been horrible, and no matter what decision you constantly feel conflicted. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that we have simply missed out on the normal maternity experience. I’ve just tried to tell myself that I’m so blessed to have my wee man and that others have had it worse in this pandemic.

But you have my sympathy - it is a crappy situation to be in. Private mail if you ever need a rant! 😆

[Itsalongjourney26 in reply to Itsalongjourney26]

Also, my mental health suffered badly and I had to allow both sets of grandparents to see my son and hold him. They have been unbelievably careful and I make no apologies for my decision. I did this after my son was over his first set of vaccinations.

[Lydialego123 in reply to Itsalongjourney26]

Aw congratulations on your little one, I know what you mean we are so lucky to be blessed with a Baby in these times.

Thanks for the offer of a rant! 😊 I’m glad you are doing what you feel is right for you as I think that is sensible, I might end up doing that too in the end if I keep feeling this way as it’s not good for me xx

[Missjej85]

Hi there I really understand how your feeling.. I had my baby girl in September and her grandma (husbands mum) hasn’t been able to visit, all other visitors have been at a distance and with ppe on and it’s just awful, the guilt is there not just due to family members missing out but also as I haven’t taken my baby to any classes just through fear of the virus as we are tier 3. Every decision feels awful and like ultimately it’s my baby whose missing out on all these experiences and the guilt is there, the only thing that helps is that this has to end at some point and we’re not alone in the decisions we’re making xx

[Lydialego123 in reply to Missjej85]

Congrats on your little one, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling this way with all these tough decisions! It is so difficult to know what is safe with the classes especially if you are in an area with a lot of cases so I feel for you. You are right that this will end one day hopefully sooner rather than later xx

[SRA8]

My son was born in March the week of the first lock down. I dont feel guilt. I feel anger and disappointment a lot. Particularly as it took us nearly 3 years to concieve. I feel robbed.

In terms of my son I do t really think it makes too much difference to his development. It's just a shame for everyone else.

Hopefully when the vaccine is rolled out things will become normal again and we'll all appreciate quality family time that little bit more.

[Lydialego123 in reply to SRA8]

I agree I feel those emotions too, we also had difficulty conceiving our boy so I know what you mean, I expected to have certain experiences and memories which just haven’t happened.

You are right it will all feel much more special when we can get together, for now we just have to enjoy the uninterrupted time with our little ones xx

[Tiredtiredtiredxo]

My little one was born in March too. An unplanned completely unexpected pregnancy so my family promised they’d be there etc and that’s what got me through most of my pregnancy. I have mental health issues and as a single mum it was extremely difficult to follow all of the lockdown rules etc and even the support bubble situation just wasn’t enough. I could very clearly see how much it was causing my mental health to deteriorate so from around September I have just been extremely careful with letting him see his grandparents and great grandparents and a few people who are already kind of shielding.

Especially because he was the first baby in so long everyone was super excited awaiting his birth, had bought him soooo much and just wanted to be so hands on and this year has just been the complete opposite. Don’t get me started on work friends, best friends and family friends.

I don’t feel guilty I go through phases of feeling really down and then really angry etc but there’s just not much else to do. And the frustrating thing is I just can’t see it ending anytime soon even with vaccines available I just don’t think there’ll be a new normal for a while.

I have spent a lot of time grieving the months I expected to have but essentially as long as we’re all safe and mentally well everything else just has to take a back seat. That’s where I’m at currently

But know you are not alone xxx

No clue how I’ll cope when I’m expected to go to shops etc, play groups & appointments as I’ve gotten so used to staying in/going to the park! 😂 I have all the empathy for you and anyone else who had a baba this year

[Lydialego123 in reply to Tiredtiredtiredxo]

Oh gosh that sounds really difficult for you, it is so hard feeling like you are on your own when you expected to have lots of support from your family and they want to give it.

It’s so nice to know I am not on my own in feeling this way! I feel a bit better about it today but have to accept I’m going to have ups and downs until this is all over. Xx

[ToniaB123]

Omg I feel you. It is so so hard!! We don’t live near either grandparents and my little girl is the first grandchild (and great-grandchild!) on both sides! She was born just before lockdown. My parents didn’t see her from when she was one week old until she was 3 months old and they were so excited to be grandparents. I feel lucky that I have the support of my family even though they are far away. We are planning a big family holiday for when we are allowed to be together again which is great for us to look forward to. Hope you’re ok! We will get through it and have loads of grandparent cuddles in the end!!xxx

[Lydialego123 in reply to ToniaB123]

Aw yes it’s so hard I feel for you it’s hard being far away from people, my dad lives a few hours away and he’s hardly seen our son it’s so hard for the grandparents too!

The family holiday sounds like a great idea and will be something for you all to look forward to, have a lovely time xxxxxx

[Sevy571]

Totally feel the guilt although we are still in the early second trimester. We just announced it to family and saying that we won't travel to visit them during the pregnancy, and that we'd rather they don't come either, all of that during Christmas, is definitely hard for them and for us, as we'd like to share those special moments, too. You're not pregnant every day! But safety first I guess. For me I think that we don't know enough about Covid effects on baby and mum, and with being geenrally more tired than normally, I'd rather take no risks, and I think they will understand that. Take care ^^

[Lydialego123 in reply to Sevy571]

Oh that must be so hard for you! You are right though it’s better to be safe when you were pregnant I was the same in the first lockdown before our boy was born and would be doing the same as you now. You are right others should understand why we feel that way, I hope it’s ‘normal’ again next year and you can have a family Christmas with your little one then xx

[Sevy571 in reply to Lydialego123]

Thank you! Oh that will be a fantastic Christmas I am sure, looking forward to it : ) With regards to your initial question, I think that a way to relieve guilt is to communicate more. Make videos and share them; video calls, etc. We are making a blog for family where we'll put photos and videos etc. that we don't want on facebook. In some ways, we might end up even more connected than before. Warm wishes to you ^^

[Bailey135]

I don’t feel guilt at all in fact I have loved not having to pass her around all the extended family etc however our family live very close (my mum and dad and my husbands mum) by and are all working from home or retired so they made the decision to pretty much isolate and we have allowed them access, I spoke to the HV about it after w very traumatic birth and she told me if they were careful it’s better for my mental health. So that’s what I’ve gone with and I don’t have any guilt about doing this at all x