Struggling with baby in lockdown

[Arya10]

Is anyone else just really struggling with a baby during corona virus? I’m in Scotland so we’re still in lockdown.

I have a gorgeous 20 week old baby boy. My husband is crazy busy at work and I feel so alone. At weekends my husband spends a lot of time queuing at shops for food so even then I’m mostly alone with the baby. I desperately want some physical support - someone to hold him for a little while, someone to play with him to give me a break. I love him with all my heart but I’m beyond exhausted and can’t keep going like this.

He wakes frequently during the night and nothing settles him other than milk (EBF). He’s recently been taking an age to put down at night. He’ll only sleep on my for day time naps (we have tried everything we can think of to change this), which I wouldn’t mind but it’s physically painful for me (I have fibromyalgia). I could cope with all these things if corona wasn’t around as I’d have family support and get out and about. He’s generally a really happy and smiley baby and melts my heart and I feel I shouldn’t be struggling as he’s wonderful. It took a long time to have him and I am so grateful to have him but I can’t see an end to having no physical support due to the virus. I don’t want to look back and think how I wasted precious time with him being upset.

Not sure the point of my post other than to get it out, I’ve been so upset but trying to hide it from my little guy, and maybe hear from others who feel the same?

Thanks for reading xx

[Prosopon]

Hi, yes, I'm struggling too, unfortunately. My baby is 5 months old and he is hard work! He's so active and curious. He gets bored easily and needs so much attention.

Before lockdown I was seeing my mum and sister several times a week, was attending mum and baby classes, and meeting up with my NCT group. This was all great for keeping my son entertained and I could get a much needed break when my family members played with him. Now it's pretty much all on me. My partner is working so all the pressure is on me to keep our baby happy and stimulated throughout the day. It's absolutely draining and if he's having a bad day I feel like I just can't do it anymore. By the end of the day I'm exhausted, but then I have to take care of him in the night too as he's also EBF.

I love him so much, but taking care of him with little to no break is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Sorry I don't have anything helpful to say, but wanted to let you know you're not alone. Please try to be kind to yourself. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job and your child is lucky to have you.

[Arya10]

Thanks for replying! I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling too, misery loves company! I feel exactly the same as you, it’s utterly exhausting. My boy is the same, so curious and interested in everything. It’s also the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Corona virus feels like a big fat nightmare I’m waiting to wake up from.

Thank you for your kind words, and right back at you - sounds like we’re both giving our boys our everything! xx

[Hidden]

Hey Arya,

I'm really struggling too. Im sorry you are. Made me sad reading your post. There's so many of us out there struggling. . Let it out, it's bloody tough. I have a 7 wk old from IVF, and dealing with complex emotions of lack of joy, guilt and isolation. So I hear you! You are doing amazingly well, having that condition, being in pain and having to hold your baby for naps - mine won't be put down and I too am desperate for some family to help. Although my husband works at home he has CFS/ME & a IBD and is beyond exhausted (we moved recently to near family so we would have support with a baby due to my OH health issues). He can't help at night or much in the daytime but he does take over at 9.30 for a couple of hours so I can get a head start on bed, and we are fortunate that she takes a bottle of Expressed milk. He pops down to comfort her in the daytime a little to give me a moment to breathe so I am very fortunate. Both of us have slipped down the stairs we are so tired, fortunately no injuries, and not carrying her at the time. I am fortunate that I only seem to do 1-2 night feeds but feeding her take so long because she has moderate reflux, I have to keep her upright for ages, often loose a lot of the feed and then she gets hungry again or wants to feed for comfort. She's so unhappy so much of the time and doesn't like sleeping much. Some days I can't get out she cries and sicks up so much. I'm so desperate to go to or have family visit, I don't think we can go on without a little respite any longer... literally just a few hours would help

You are not alone in this and it is completely understandable.

Do DM if you want to chat more...

Laura

[Arya10 in reply to Hidden]

Hey Laura Jane, thanks so much for your reply. Breaks my heart other people are struggling. I’m so sorry you’re struggling too. Congrats on your little one!! an IVF baby, amazing.

Appreciate your understanding re my condition though I’m sad why

you understand - your husband having CFS etc. It’s hard enough without a health condition and coronavirus added to the mix.

A DM coming your way xx

[CatCee in reply to Hidden]

I also have a 7 week old through IVF. There are so many of us in this situation. She’s my parents first grandchild but there’s no way for them to even see her as they live too far away. It’s so tough and difficult to feel this extra stress and upset when we’ve waited so long for it to happen- we want to be able to share this with our families.

[gillyl]

I know how you feel. My boy is almost 20 weeks old and as he had complications in pregnancy and was on NICU for 2 weeks after birth we were told to shield him until he had his injections so we never made it to any classes before lockdown.

My hubby is a key worker so has still been working during the lockdown so I've felt quite alone at times.

My father also passed away 7 weeks ago (not Covid) so we moved in with my Mum to help her for about a month, which although it was an awful time we got each other through it otherwise I don't know what I would have done.

It's really tough being on your own. Are there any local classes on Zoom or similar that you could join?

Hopefully getting it out helps, I've found it helps to talk about it. I spoke to a doctor recently (after a traumatic pregnancy, job restructure, emergency c section 7 weeks early, and the bereavement have taken their toll on me emotionally) and he said the lockdown is really tough for new mums. Hang in there, you're doing great, and he's a very lucky baby to have such a lovely caring mum like you x

[Arya10]

Hi Gilly, I’m so sorry for the loss of your father, that must be incredibly difficult.

We had been semi shielding too (waiting until jabs too) since my baby was born so he’d met grandparents and 1 friend. I hadn’t been to any groups yet either.

It’s so hard when your partner is still working isn’t it, tough on them too. All my friends with babies have their partners on furlough (which I know brings its own stresses) so they have that support.

Good idea the zoom classes, I’ll look into it though I’m not sure my LO would allow me/us that time. He needs a lot of attention.

Yes, it has helped getting it out and reading everyone’s replies and kind words of encouragement! I had a total meltdown earlier, cried my eyes out. OH has since spoken to his boss and explained how much we’re struggling, he says after this project they’re going to try lighten the load on him so he can help me more. Hoping it happens, they’ve promised things before which haven’t happened.

You’ve been through the mill, are you speaking to anyone about it all to help you process? I speak to a counsellor, I have done for a few years, I had a traumatic birth too and I’ve found my counsellor so valuable in getting it all out. Please do DM me if you’d like to talk.

Thank you so much for your comments, I’ve been so emotional reading such nice things from you lovely ladies xx

[gillyl in reply to Arya10]

Hey, I've just been referred to Talking Therapies so hopefully that will help.

I'm so glad your partner's boss has been understanding, fingers crossed you get more time together.

We'll get through this xx

[MissSaoPaulo]

Hon, parenting is bloody hard and you mustn't feel like you're being ungrateful by recognizing that. Honestly, I think if you don't find it hard at least sometimes you're probably not doing it right!

We don't have any family or support around us and we were both working from home before corona, so lockdown hasn't actually changed too much for us. What helps us get by without either of us getting too overloaded is having lots of routines around the main events of the day, getting up, going to bed and mealtimes now she's weaning. Knowing exactly what has to be done and who's going to do it makes things smoother and less stressful for us and it means I'm not constantly asking my husband to do stuff.

If your OH is working at home I hope you can work out some kind of system that's fair on both of you and makes things a bit easier. Hopefully it won't be much longer until things are a bit more normal and you can get out and about a bit more, tire that little bundle of energy out!! xxx

[Arya10 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Thanks so much for your reply. It really is hard isn’t it, I feel like no one told me how hard 😂

Wow you’re both working and looking after LO? Amazing.

I would definitely be up for a routine, structure and knowing who will do what, that’s totally me. But OH just refuses, he can’t think or plan ahead (this can be great when I need grounded and reminded to live in the moment but is a pain in the arse when it’s me who has to always think ahead and ask him to do things).

OH is hoping to take some time off in the next week or 2 and his bosses have promised to ease the load after his current project, hopefully that happens and would mean he can help a bit more.

Thanks for taking the time to respond, really appreciate it xx

[Rainbowhope]

Hi sweets. Cant offer any advice but just wanna say hang in there. You're doing a great job. Please speak to your lovely husband. Maybe he could take him for a while so you can sleep or go meet a friend in the park but stay 2m away from each other. You need to find time for yourself somehow. But sounds like your a wonderful mum. X

[Arya10 in reply to Rainbowhope]

Thanks and thanks for your reply! I’ve spoken to him since I wrote my original post (although I had already spoken to him but he just kept saying he was too busy at work to help), had a bit of a meltdown and he saw how upset I was. So fingers crossed he’s going to help out more. Thanks for taking the time to reply xx

[LeoDays]

I can understand, my baby is just a bit over 2 months, she is lovely, happy usually doesn't cry much but lately she stopped sleeping through the night and the only way for me to be able to sleep is getting her in my bed, breast feed her and just leave her near me. But that brings the problem of back pain and sore body, with your condition that would be even worse. Don't feel bad with struggling, even if you live your baby these are difficult times that were meant to be shared with family and friends to help instead of alone. For during the day try getting a baby Bjorn bouncer my baby sleeps in there really well. It's not ideal but when you just need then to calm down without being in your arms it works wonders. At least for me

[Arya10 in reply to LeoDays]

Thanks so much for your reply and suggestions. I’m sorry you’re struggling too, and the back pain is awful isn’t it. Sounds like you’re doing a great job. Yes you’re right, we would normally be getting help to share the load. We just need to get through it the best we can. Thank you xx

[XxjustmexX]

Hey sorry your struggling at this time I don’t think it’s an easy time for anyone atm just remember we’re all in this together ❤️you got this, stay strong ❤️ as for only sleeping on you for day naps definitely get a wrap/sling if you can it’s a life saver. My boy never wanted to be put down but he would always happily sleep in there. Asif for bf it’s can be so hard I still bf my lo hes 16 months and I just used to get food,drink and binge Netflix’s 😂🙈 I don’t know if you can but couldn’t you do the shopping just so you have a break? Xx

[Arya10 in reply to XxjustmexX]

Thanks so much your reply and suggestions. I need to re visit the sling as that could work. Well done you for keeping on going with the BF so long, that’s amazing! I like the idea of doing the shopping to get a break, I’ve been a bit scared to do it before but it could really help make me feel a bit more normal! My OH has managed to get a few spots for shopping delivery but I think I’ll go get the bits that were missed this week and see how I get on from there. Thanks so much, so helpful to get everyone’s suggestions, I’ve not been able to think very clearly xx

[crack-of-dawn]

Hey, just a quick message to say I also have a 20 week old baby boy. My partner is working too - he’s been really busy working long hours and weekends so i’ve had to do everything. I get a little help with bath time each day but that’s it. It’s really, really tough not having support from family or friends. All our family and friends live a 3 hour drive away so even meeting briefly at a social distance is not on the cards!

I keep telling myself that being a new mother is bloody hard Under normal circumstances, let alone during lockdown! Give yourself lots of credit for coping this far, you’re doing a great job and hang in there! I ‘d echo previous post about online classes; it’s really helped me. - keeps baby stimulated nicely. Check out busy lizzy classes, they have a good

variety. Stay strong mama xx

[Arya10 in reply to crack-of-dawn]

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement! And right back at you! Sorry to hear how tough you have it, doing so much on you’re own, it’s so hard. I really hope in a few years we’ll all be looking back (smiling I hope, because corona has gone!) and thinking wow we did amazing getting through that. Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll check out busy lizzy xx

[cazchoc]

I have a 5 month old baby girl. She's been so longed for born with ivf. I read all your replies and really feel for all new mams during this time. I had a emergency c section and over the first few months a few infections with my wound. My little one was under weight and constantly had the health visitor or breastfeeding coordinator at the house in the early months often twice a week. We even had a day in hospital. She is thriving now and has best of both. Lock down happened and no contact until end of last month when I contacted the breast feeding coordinator for advice. My husband works from home and tied to laptop n calls so it's me all week with the little one. I found early lock down harder as I didnt see my Mam and Dad for 52 days. My Mam was counting. They were my support with close friends. My baby massage stopped and groups. I was thank full that my baby yoga was live online and mumspace group. So this gives we structure twice a week. We use zoom. Would definitely recommend an online group. Mumspace makes me feel normal as we are all feeling the same. Some have added pressure if extra children and home schooling. Once a week my hubby has little one while I do a quiz WhatsApp style with my close friends. It's often just over hour n quarter but helps me. I sit with a cheeky gin and a chocolate treat. I also go shopping by myself on a Sun. Often gets bits my hubby has forgot and activities to do with little one. I'm away 40 mins to hr n half. Shopping is often quieter on a week day late in. May be an idea for your hubby. I use WhatsApp for video calls daily to parents it's been a life line. So many people haven't met her yet and I do feel cheated with my maternity. I'm normally a really positive person and the early months it got me emotional and really down. Planning fun things to do each day with little one helped from painting, song time and play in garden. Have you tried massage for sleep? I do massage daily and yoga moves with my little one. It definitely relaxes us both. Little one sometimes fights her sleep she uses her pram down stairs and her bouncer chair. I do admit she sleeps on me sometimes. Not ideal but I return her to her cot. I'm not sleeping well with lock down so often why I give in with exhaustion. Also if your feeling low little ones will pick up on it. You need to work in a little you time. I also like family time with the 3 of us often doesn't happen but we try a few times a week even a walk out or time in the garden. Remember we are all doing our best and don't forget that 😊. Sending positive wishes. Xx

[Arya10 in reply to cazchoc]

Thanks so much for your reply. You’ve had such a difficult start, I’m sorry to hear about your emergency section and infections, that must have been so hard and the difficulties with LO’s weight. The visits must have been quite stressful but then to have that support taken away all of a sudden equally worrying. Well done for doing such a good job and getting her back on track.

I feel the same about mat leave, a bit cheated. We wait so long to have a LO and then a bloody pandemic hits, I mean you couldn’t make it up.

Thanks for all the suggestions, I love that you go shopping to get missed bits and activities for LO, I want to try implement that idea. Any time OH takes LO at the weekend at the moment I tend to spend stretching to ease my pain but if I can get it more under control (and everyone’s replies to my post are really helping me feel better, which reduces my pain too), I could go out.

Your quiz sounds fantastic! Massage yes but not anything proper - I give him a wee massage when I’m rubbing in his eczema cream. Baby massage and baby yoga were the classes I was about to sign up for when lockdown happened, so I’m not overly sure what I’m doing. Sometimes he’s up for it sometimes not.

Thank you xx

[cazchoc in reply to Arya10]

Hope you feeling a little better? My cousin bought me a baby massage book and I attended 3 out of 5 classes before lock down, a present from her and my Aunty. You will get benefit and little one and most movements are OK. Just need to be careful with tummy so go with digestive system clockwise. Online near you they may have classes of both yoga and massage. Have you managed some you time away from the house? I know you couldn't make it up hehe. I'm going back to work in July then will have 7weeks off for summer.

Take care. Kind regards Caroline. Xx

[Arya10 in reply to cazchoc]

Yes and no, not much has changed so still feeling low and stuck. Really appreciate you checking in, that helped cheer me up

That sounds great. Ah yeah, I teach The Gyrokinesis Method so I’m familiar with things like massaging in the digestive direction so maybe I can pick up a few things from You Tube or a book and add to what I know already.

Time away from the house - a little but not much. It’s hard to get out when he’s only awake for 90 mins at a time (then get a feed and nappy change in that time also) and won’t sleep in the pram - plus everything is still shut here and I always need to pee whilst out so not many places I can go. I am trying though. How are you getting on? Xxx

[cazchoc in reply to Arya10]

Hello wondering how you are? I'm canny, back to work part time at school. It's a good balance but worried about the virus as a key worker now. My parents look after my little girl 3 days. Especially worried also if at Christmas we are in lock down again, so my little girls first Christmas and her birthday on new yrs day won't be how we imagined it. We were hoping to have a naming day in June that never happened. I enjoy my days with her and make the most of it, though lack if sleep is hard. Thankfully hubby is helping in the night. She's teething but nothing as yet. She never stops. Working with few hrs a night sleep is tricky. She had a better night last night and only woke once. Take care

Caroline Xx

[Arya10 in reply to cazchoc]

Hey Caroline, appreciate you checking in. Doing much better than when I wrote that post. Things are still hard, particularly the constant sleep deprivation but better. That’s great you’re back at work and enjoying a good balance. I know it must be a worry re the virus but all you can do is take precautions. How did it feel at first leaving her to go to work? I’m dreading that. Same re Christmas and birthday, it’s a real possibility that neither will be as we imagined. I’m trying to mentally prepare now and think of ways to make it special still. We were also going to have a naming day in the summer that of course couldn’t happen. My LO is full of energy, very active, I’m exhausted but it’s also amazing to watch him grow and develop 🥰 xx

[cazchoc in reply to Arya10]

My little one has only few nights where she sleeps OK with waking once. Was lots last night so a tired mama n dada today. Our area has the new restrictions which is hard going. Seems you can play a sport but not go to gardens or other people's households at the mo. Was hoping for a treat 50% off meal with a friend on Wed with my little one. Thankfully my hubby is coming instead so don't have to cancel. Thinking if had energy make a football 5 a side so can still see my close 4 friends hehe 🤣. Not meant to let grandparents have children but how could I go to work. Ah lovely 😊 my little one is full of beans and walking around the furniture and pulling herself up. Day before the first day back I cried like a baby. I was doing something with her n thought I won't be doing this tomorrow. Got hugs from hubby. I'm constantly thinking what she will be doing. Yeah think I will have to do the same n mentally prepare. 😕Xx

[sarahharas]

Hey Arya,

dont feel bad! my boy is 17 weeks and we are in the same boat. He is so active and curious, as soon as I put him down he starts to complain and he is not sleeping at night.

This lockdown has made everything even more exhausting and I wonder when it will end. Our families are both in Germany and we had to cancel their flights. Some days I dont even want to take off my PJ trousers, because it does not make a difference.

Although it does not change your situation, maybe knowing that these feelings are normal make you feel better? Maybe you could go for a socially distanced walk with a friend? This helped me already a lot to regain a bit of energy.

Hugs

xxx

[Arya10 in reply to sarahharas]

Thanks so much for your reply and words of encouragement Sarah. I’m sorry you’re also finding it so hard.

You’re right about the pj bottoms, I put too much pressure on myself to get showered and ‘Ready’ when most days I switch pj bottoms for joggers 😂

Good idea, I’ve been thinking of a social distance walk with a friend. Giving a time is tricky, never knowing when he’ll be awake/not feeding so I’ve decided to start tomorrow with my mum. She understands the time issue and can work round me.

Yes, it does make me feel better knowing what I’m feeling is normal - it’s hard to know how much is health related - although it makes me so sad we’re all struggling. So glad to hear your walks with a friend has made you feel a bit better.

Thanks again xx