Sending virtual hugs (and looking for a virtual hug...) 😘🤗

[Positive2022]

Hi all

I hope everyone is okay. I've not posted for a while as I have been really struggling so needed some time out. I wasn't sure where to post as a large part of my struggles are due to infertility but as I have already been through this 'journey' I have opted for this forum. I hope this is okay.

Most of you know my history. It's been a v bumpy few years. Infertility diagnosis and treatment... Stressful pregnancy.... Traumatic birth with multiple complications including PPH and surgery..... PND. Admitted into hospital as an emergency end of May and seen by gynae team, only to be told my chances of having another baby is very slim even with fertility treatment. Surgery in June which in truth i'm still recovering from. Between all of these incidents, trauma from years ago has resurfaced which has not helped things. Promptly discharged with no psychological support due to covid.

Fast forward to now. I am v motivated with self management and for the most part, can self manage v well through diet, exercise, distraction techniques etc.

But it got too much. One weekend, out of the blue, my body seemed to just 'shut down' and I was feeling v low.

I am now signed off work and slowly getting my energy back. Running is helping. I have lost a stone in weight. But nothing seems to have been resolved. My GP has been fantastic and equally frustrated as she has been desperately trying to access some appropriate support for me which has been challenging.

Every referral sent through has been either 'lost' in the system somewhere or refused.

Now clearly is not the right time to be thinking about another baby. I know this. But I don't want to miss the small 'window' I have. I would deeply regret living my life knowing that we never pursued this opportunity.

The problem is my referral has been 'lost' somewhere. I was referred to the fertility clinic back in July, really to access some fertility counselling and hopefully start the ball rolling with things again. After being bounced between my GP surgery and the fertility clinic several times, I finally located my referral in the triage unit only to be told 'all services are stood down, we don't know if the referral will get accepted and even if it does, the service is stood down indefinitely'. Back to square one. Not heard anything since.

I'm just feeling at a loss as to where to go and what to do and how to move forwards.

Perhaps I just need more time to digest things. It's been such a difficult year for everyone, I almost want to write 2020 off completely and just look forward to hopefully a better year in 2021. But at this time, I have needed some space and time out. I have even taken myself off social media and whatsapp so I can just be alone for a while.

If you have got this far, thank you so much for listening xxx

[cmbxm]

So glad to read your update, I’ve been wondering how you are, honestly 2020 is just a sh*tstorm, referrals have been lost left right and center, Covid has ruined waiting times, the entire year is just a right off, you’ve made it this far, have you tried a wellbeing referral as you can self refer generally, they’re still functioning through the pandemic and are offering all sorts of help for anxiety and depression if you feel this applies to you, just keep your chin up love and know that none of this is your fault and Covid has done an absolute number on healthcare and that’s not your fault xx

[Positive2022 in reply to cmbxm]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It's been one hell of a year and I think it's not being able to see any end to all this which really gets me down. I called the hospital about my referral to the fertility clinic, turns out it has just been sat there for the past few months with nothing actioned. One small note attached to it apparently saying 'please forward to so and so...' this is the v person who rejected my other referral which was sent by 3 people including 2 senior matrons and my GP. I am literally back to square one. Feeling v deflated tonight and emotionally drained 😔

[cmbxm in reply to Positive2022]

Contact PALS and explain your referral has just been sitting there and the impact this is having on you, they’ll fight for you xx

[Positive2022 in reply to cmbxm]

Thank you - hubby is helping me formulate a letter detailing all the mishaps. Tonight, I have decided to just try and switch off (watching love island 😂) and wake up fresh in the morning to make a plan on how best to move forwards. I hope you are okay ??

[Whataname]

Hi Poppy149

Sending you a big teddy bear 🤗. Didn’t want to read and go. You are strong and be strong. Take care. Hope things will work out better.

[Positive2022 in reply to Whataname]

Aww thank you so much - sending love and hugs your way ♥️ just knowing this forum offers such amazing support is so helpful. Waited all day for this phone call to sort out my referral which has been lost. No one called. Just can't believe it. I've booked a telephone appointment with my doctor to talk it all through. It's just so frustrating sometimes 😟 xxx