Feeling depressed

[Bujji143]

Feeling lonely and depressed, I think everyone has friends in their own circle,for me we don’t have any friends here, maybe because of am not working , recently I had baby , When I was pregnant, my husband told me I will give surprise gender reveal party because of no friends we haven’t celebrated, I never been to any places, but I like to explore new places, when I ask my husband can we go he just said no enjoyment if we go , with friends we can enjoy more,but for me no chance.now am thinking my baby once he grown up can we give best and enjoyable life or not, Am Indian here so many Indians are there but I don’t have any friends here, sometimes am thinking why I don’t have any friends here, I like to make new friends so that my baby will enjoy more with same age friends.

[cmbxm]

Mother and baby groups have started reopening, have you looked and taking baby and yourself to one of those? These can be great places to form friendships with local mums, if not try the Peanut app, it’s a bit like Tinder for local mums and helps you discover other mums in the area also looking for friends xx

[Mac2016]

Hi, it’s quite normal to feel isolated and lonely when you first have a baby.

Try and find baby groups or groups for new mums where you live. NCT have a early days course for new mums to meet up with their babies maybe this will get you in touch with people.

Could you get in touch with your child’s Health visitor to see if he/she can recommend a local group.

It’s important you see people for your own well being.

[Bluelady-sing]

Sorry perhaps there might be some support groups

[Octoberbaby2019]

I agree with the above comments, try to join some baby groups and the nct workshops although they cost a bit like £25-50 but it's worth it to meet other mums that are local. Also maybe see if your local community has a baby group as well sometimes churches have them (you don't have to belong to that religion to go)

As to going out with the baby, that does not depend on you guys having couple friends!! You should be able to go out and enjoy life as a family by yourself! If your husband doesn't want to go, go places by yourself, if you can't drive you can still take the baby for a walk in the local park and again if you go at the same time every week, you might see some other mums that go there too regularly. Other than that, sign up to swimming classes with the baby and ask your health visitor if there's any other activities/clubs you could join

Friends are great but your life can't be on hold waiting for something that's not there. You're a family and should be able to have family trips on your own x

Don't feel isolated, just go for walks and enjoy your little baby.

[MiaJosie]

I know the feeling when it seems everyone has a group of friends except you. All my friends live abroad and I don't even know who I could invite if I had a baby shower. I've moved many times in the recent years and it takes me a few years to feel settled. Relationships can take a long time to build.

I am not sure how long you've been in the UK. I am from Europe and have been here about 3 years. From my perspective as a foreigner, this is just my generalisation, but I think new relationships seem to develop slowly over time here. So try not to feel rejected if people are not instantly sharing their personal lives or acting friendly. You meet people a few times and gradually start becoming more familiar. I do think a good way to meet new people is an organised activity, or club, rather than talking spontaneously to people, which is usually more brief and shallow. So a baby or mum's group sounds like the perfect opportunity to get to know other women. It gives you an opportunity to meet over time and gradually get to know one another. You also already have something in common, and will be in similar life stages, looking for friends for your children as well.

Reaching out looking for friends always makes one feel vulnerable, so be brave, try to stay positive about your own efforts no matter the response. Not having friends does not mean you are not likeable - there may just not be a lot of opportunities sometimes to interact. especially now with Covid everyone is stuck at home and many do feel very alone. It is hard to think of activities to do. Normally, some libraries have "story times" or crafts activities for kids you could explore (not sure for which age).

I know from experience, it is easy for life to be put on hold while you wait for friends. I hope you find some things you enjoy to do on your own and also hope you can explain to your husband again, how happy it would make you to go and explore a new place, even just the two of you without friends. Explain that even if it isn't perfect, it is better than nothing.

Best of luck and hope you feel better and more inspired soon.

[Bujji143 in reply to MiaJosie]

Hi dear

What you said is absolutely right, but in my situation I have been in uk since 6 years but in these time everyone has got their own friends, maybe because am not working n no kids at that time, so no one was inviting me for any parties , I thought that maybe if I have kids definitely I will get friends but scenario is different, before or after kids when we have friends only baby will get new friends, until his school baby doesn’t get friends, my husband has no friends here, if I see anyone WhatsApp n Facebook status at that time feeling so depressed everyone is enjoying life , why am not going anywhere, no friends here, when I asked anyone what to pack for hospital bag , they said don’t buy anything, everything you will get baby essentials from friends, no one has seen my baby, if I celebrate anything baby related, only me n my husband has to celebrate. No friends were invited, Am Indian, here so many are there, but I have no friends.