I’m a little embarrassed to be writing this post, but I don’t really know where else to turn to right now.
I have three week year old (as of tomorrow) twins and I strangely feel very alone and isolated and find myself crying quite often because of it.
I went through a tough journey to get here, two miscarriages, two ivf cycles and four transfers and part of me feels like I’m grieving that and my pregnancy as well which I spent mostly anxious until about 32 weeks when I really started to enjoy it so much. I had an amazing birth (c-section) so I’m so lucky, it really was so special and I find that I’m also missing that.
My babies are gorgeous, they’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more so my post isn’t at all to complain about them because they’re just perfect.
My smallest twin struggles with feeding and I’m pretty confident he has reflux and colic which makes it painful for him so he needs a lot of attention and care. Which again, I don’t mind because it’s more snuggles for me.
But I am so tired.
My husband is amazing with the babies but tbh, and I am sad and surprised I’m writing this, I don’t feel he is caring for or supporting me as much as I need. We never, ever bicker and I usually praise him for how supportive he is but the last two weeks or so, he just hasn’t been there for me. I think that’s what’s also making me incredibly emotional because this isn’t like us. Maybe I’m being too needy and I am just hormonal, but I feel like I’m missing him and his usual support.
I have an infection as well at the moment - when I visited my GP, I was referred to the hospital so I’m also not too well. I’m on a lot of medication to help control that. I also have the terrible night sweats that sees me changing my pjs a minimum of three times a night so I’m not really getting much sleep. My family live in the north and I’m down in London so I don’t have them close by to help me. My husbands family is down the road but again, they don’t really help in the way I need it like picking up some shopping (the fridge has been empty for days and I actually feel faint this morning through lack of energy), or helping with the cleaning. My husbands mum came across yesterday as I needed to rest due to the infection I have, and I’d have liked her to help with just a bit of house maintenance without me asking rather than just sitting on my sofa with my husband and feeding babies. I can care for my babies, it’s the other stuff I need help with.
I had a c-section and was very quickly back to routine, walking, cleaning etc., otherwise it just doesn’t get done and in the grand scheme of things I know house stuff isn’t important, but it is to me. I just need help. And I think that’s what probably set me backwards, I rushed into things too quickly. My husband knows that and tells me to slow down but then things don’t get done.
I don’t know what I’m looking for in response to this post, maybe it’s just an outlet for me to get it off my chest so I can stop being so teary.
If you’ve read this far, thank you 💛
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XOXO13
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Hello!!! You are dealing with a lot right now. Having done IVF myself I can imagine a bit of what you must have gone through. I think it is very normal and you need to organise some support. It sounds like you have an understanding partner, so perhaps make a list of things that you’d like help with and add to that some time for you to rest and recover. Ask also if people are visiting, they also give a hand, whatever it is! Bringing groceries, cooking, cleaning… otherwise that time is better spent on you both resting to take turns to deal with the chores and babies. Also, look into some counselling. It will be nice to vent to someone without feeling guilty for those very valid feelings! About missing your husband, I get it too. You are now sharing him with twins 😊. You’ll find a way to arrange time both both of you soon, perhaps the family can baby sit while you two go for a walk or groceries? It is a lot to readjust to but it sounds like you just need a bit of time and space. Take care!
OK there is loads here that needs addressing so will try and work through it. I will tell you what I did which may or may not help (hopefully it will as I felt a lot of what you’re feeling).
Firstly, congratulations 🎉 🥳. You are amazing. Your body is amazing and you’ve been through surgery and are trying to recuperate on no sleep whatsoever (with an infection!) Cut yourself some slack. You won’t know that you’re going in the right direction but I can promise you that you are. Every day you will be getting a little stronger, even though it won’t feel like it.
After an emergency c-section I was confined to the bedroom for a while and also struggled with breastfeeding (I got a lactation consultant come to the house which was a life saver). I cried all the time because I was hormonal, recovering from surgery and to be honest I think all the emotions were coming out from 5 years of TTC. I think I may have had a bit of PTSD from it all. I was so overwhelmed that our daughter was finally here and it brought back all the trauma of what we have been through to make it happen. I can promise you that this will also get easier but you do have to let the emotion out and just roll with it.
You do need help though. Try talking to your husband if you can. He can at least do the shopping so that you have food in the house. We got a massive delivery from Cook so we had frozen meals in the house that were healthy. So quick and easy. We also got a cleaner. Like you, I need a clean and tidy house and this was so so helpful. Took the pressure off both of us and one less thing to worry about. You should not be cleaning right now!!! Also you need sleep. Do you have friends that can come over and help with preparing meals/ tidy house/ look after you etc?
Know that you’re not alone. With sleep you will get better and then everything will seem a little easier (including your relationship!) You do need rest though lovely. You are looking after 2 babies. You need people helping you.
Am here for you. You will feel a lot better pretty quickly. It seems so overwhelming right now but you’re in the really early stages. Then you can really really enjoy your little ones when feeling more like yourself. IVF is utterly brutal and you’re still going through all the pain of your journey.
Aw, I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. It sounds like you're having a really tough time. And it's such a major life change, even without the added complications that you're experiencing. It's no wonder you're finding it hard.Have you told your husband that you miss him? I think that's a really nice thing for him to hear. He might think that helping with the babies is what you need most, but he might also be missing you too. Perhaps the next time his family visit it would allow you both to have 20 minutes off for just you and your husband. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need, we're all different, so other people are not good at guessing what might be top priority for us.
Can you ask your mother in law to do a bit of housework? She might think you'd be upset or offended if she prioritised housework over her grandchildren. If you don't feel comfortable then ask your husband to speak with her instead. It sounds like you have the foundations of a good support system, but it's not quite working for you as people haven't picked up on your immediate needs. Just communicate sensitively what you're finding really helpful and what you'd love them to do in addition and (though they may initially feel guilt at having not picked this up themselves) they're likely to be glad to be needed.
Congratulations on your little arrivals. Take it day by day and recognise that you have some grieving to do alongside the celebrating. You will get there and this will all pass eventually. Xx
Oh man, there is absolutely no way to explain to anyone what an emotional roller coaster these early weeks are, hormones, lack of sleep, pain. I have never felt less like me than those first few weeks. I don't think anyone could have done what I've wanted them to do as I didn't know myself.
I remember on night 5 I think crying my eyes out, thinking that I'd made a huge mistake. Anyone that had a baby to fix a relationship must be crazy, I've never felt further apart from my husband. He got quieter and quieter when he thought I was unhappy, when I needed him to be the opposite and be reassuring and it just got to be a vicious circle.
My friends all had older children and had all done this bit so I felt quite alone.
I have found that being quite vocal about what I want and also asking for help had definitely helped this time round.
If someone asked if they could do anything to help, I have them something to do. Vacuum, but if shopping, empty washing machine etc. I stopped being polite. I've also stopped saying yes to things I don't want to do or that gives me too much stress. I've had to be a bit more selfish and demanding and it's made my life much easier.
I've told my husband what I want doing instead of him guessing and getting it wrong. He'll vacuum 20 times and never think polish, so I give him choress that I want doing instead.
I also joined some groups, baby sensory etc. It was great as there's a break where you can all chat and compare how little sleep you're getting. Taking about it with other people in the same situation really helped.
Reflux etc, is so hard, but it's not forever, my small had problems with wind but now at 6 months it's a proper little trumper, it's tough but it does pass, you can ask for baby gaviscon and see if that's helps.
Don't put off taking to your doctor or midwife if you think it might be post natel depression, the sooner you can get help for that the better for you and family, it's so common so don't ever be scared to talk to them about how you're feeling.
You also don't have to love everything about motherhood without being a bad mum or living your children completely. The amount of people who told me I should enjoy every moment! I'd always discreetly give those people the finger 😉
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Firstly, sending you a massive hug. You are such a trooper to have coped with this so far. I have one baby, a cleaner, and online shopping, and it’s hard enough so I don’t know how you’re doing it! Definitely look into a cleaner-trust me, it’s money well spent even if things are tight. Ours comes every 3 weeks so it’s not too expensive. Also is online groceries an option? We get a delivery once a week and don’t know how we’d manage without it!
As others have said, this is a time to be vocal about the help you need. There are no awards for being left to do everything. Your only fixed job should be feeding and caring for your treasures, so the more of everything else that can be offloaded the better. Please don’t suffer in silence. Tell others what you need and speak to a counsellor or your GP if you continue to struggle so this does not morph into PND. It’s also worth checking in with hubby about his mental state as PND affects men and in weird ways.
Lastly, remember it WILL get better. This too shall pass xx
So sorry that you’re going through such a tough time. I felt very similar when I had my daughter in 2019, after a long fertility journey and ivf, I felt alone and so so tired. She had acid reflux and I was so desperate to breastfeed and the thought of stopping made me very anxious (Eventually I put her on anti reflux formula and she was like a new baby) reflux babies are HARD and I only had one to look after so having twins must be very intense.
I think when you’ve been through infertility, you feel like you don’t have a right to complain about how you feel or how others are making you feel. I felt like complaining about being tired or not getting any support made me ungrateful but it’s not the case at all and I promise you soon the fog will lift and things will become clearer.
Remember you’ve been through a lot: ivf, twin pregnancy, abdominal surgery, now an infection, your hormones will be all over the place I imagine! It may be hard but it sounds like you need to ask for help, maybe your husbands family don’t realise how you feel? Being blunt can be brutal but I’m sure they will understand, as for the shopping could you get it delivered?
Unfortunately I found that once you have a baby something has to give, the house is a mess and the washing isn’t done but you’re still in the very early stages of having your newborn babies so don’t be so hard on yourself, hope you’re ok 💕
Thank you for all your lovely and supportive replies. My husband walked in on me crying this morning and asked what was up so I managed to get some of it out at least, more that I don’t feel as supported or as cared for by him as much as I feel I need it right now and I think that hurt and upset him as he gave me a cuddle and said he doesn’t want me to feel that way. He’s doing an amazing job as a father, I just need him to remember that I’ve had surgery and I’m recovering and I’m breastfeeding and expressing so I’m exhausted, on top of this rotten infection I’ve got.
We have cook in the freezer, we just somehow don’t always find the time to cook and eat it. Juggling the two babies is such a learning curve, baby girl is luckily quite easy. It’s just my little boy that takes the time and that can mean very little time for anything else outside of feeding.
We had weigh in again today (as baby boy wasn’t putting on weight despite being on the same feeding plan as baby girl who is thriving) and luckily they’ve both gained a little weight. He’s still a pound behind but catching up which made me feel a little better. I do get frustrated when I ask about the reflux and feeding and I don’t seem to be taken seriously. I have two babies so I know very well what is working and what’s not for each baby - I know my little boy is struggling with the reflux and colic, it’s very clear to me so to not get the right support is frustrating me. The midwife today just repeated everything I’m already doing.
I do think I may be struggling a little hormonally. My emotions seem all over the place and I do feel a little lonely and lost and as if I’m grieving everything I’ve gone through. I can’t really articulate that very well or why. I’m in such disbelief that my babies are here at long last, I sometimes can’t believe they’re actually mine when I stare at them. I really am so grateful for them so it’s confusing to feel the way I do. But it’s good to know I’m not alone in the way I feel after IVF and loss.
A cleaner is a must I think, I’ll look into one. I know if my mum was here, she’d just do it for me so it’s quite hard being far away from the people you know will be there for you in a heartbeat.
Anyway, thank you again for all your support. It’s good to get it off my chest and I know I just have to get on with it and allow myself to feel the way I do for a bit and hopefully it will pass.
Have you seen the GP for the reflux? If it's a problem for him they should be able give him ranitidine or omeprazole for it. Glad he's put on a bit of weight xx
Twice, they just said they won’t intervene yet as he’s too young. His poops have slowed right down though so he’s doing one a day and it’s painful for him so we are contacting a Paediatrician for help in the morning. Xx
Do not underestimate the stress of the IVF journey! I used to stare at my little one and cry my eyes out that she was finally here. The trauma of it all just poured out after labour. So I can empathise completely with what you’re going though as I went through the exact same thing xx
Hi. So sorry you are feeling the way you are. I have it all to come ( also no family nearby ) so can’t advise but in my pregnancy pilates class they were discussing doulas post birth and how they can help with baby but also household chores and cooking etc- so a bit of everything and apparently not much more expensive than a cleaner. Some structured help like that might help. A do do list of the fridge might also help for when people visit.
I think nothing can prepare you for becoming a mum, an absolutely huge change to life as you know it will never be the same and not to mention coping with recovering from major c section, hormonal complete craziness whilst keeping x2 babies alive - wow you’re doing so amazingly well you won’t realise how well you’re doing now but you are !
To be honest in those early weeks I remember feeling I missed my life before and I just didn’t know who I was anymore.
Everyone is different and there’s no right or wrong way to feel, it doesn’t change how much you love your babies - but it’s absolutely the right thing to do to open up and talk about how you’re feeling and ask for help if you need it ❤️
Hello. Fellow IVF mum to a four week old here (though my journey was shorter than yours). I’m not going to offer tips, but just want to remind you that you’re doing something incredibly hard. You’ve been through trauma to get here, you’re coping with that journey, hormones, physical recover and double the trouble with twins - it is normal to feel all of the feelings. I hold my boy and sob sometimes. For him being everything I ever wanted, for being so lucky, and finding it so hard. He’s had terrible reflux and is being treated for a cows milk allergy, my c section came with a lot of blood loss and I was too ill and anaemic to breast feed which I’m desperately sad about. The last four weeks have been the most joyous and anxious, and some of the most lonely. But you’ll see from all the replies to this post that you are not alone. You don’t have to be blissfully happy all the time, you’re allowed to find things hard. I hope you’re able to ask for some help - you and your precious twins are worth it and deserve love and support. xx
I’m sorry you’ve not been able to breastfeed when you wanted to, that’s tough. Thank you for your kind response! Can I ask how you got your boy diagnosed with reflux and a cows milk allergy? I’m finding it hard to get support for that.
I feel better today, though last night I lost a lot of blood which shook me so I’m waiting to get that sorted and investigated as it’s just wearing me down now and making me feel more exhausted - my reserves are running thin! Xxx
I was lucky with the timing. My midwife saw how miserable he was with his tummy and sent me to the GP. It helped to say to the GP that I was there on her advice. I do find they love to play the “you’re just an anxious first time mum” card. I was expecting some gaviscon but she prescribed hydrolysed formula - it hasn’t been a picnic - it’s a pain to make, it’s very thin and he’s still bringing a lot back up. I’m pretty sure it’s “just” reflux but we have to try the formula for a few weeks and then go back on cows milk and see what’s going on. Make an appointment with your GP and be clear with them - I’ve rehearsed a line or two for my next appointment as I find it helps me advocate for myself and my son, and stops me feeling fobbed off. In the meantime I’ve made my peace with doing three loads of laundry a day and having a grizzly boy.
Please do look after yourself and find some ways to get support - I find it hard to ask for help and dump my son on someone else so I can nap but other mums will get it - don’t underestimate how much others will love those contact naps - my 75 year old neighbour comes round and just cuddles him for an hour or two. My mum is also far away but I’m also very lucky and managed to save some money to pay for a night nanny - it’s very expensive but an absolute god send - I’m just about over the guilt as she’s teaching me as we go. I’ve added it to the IVF bill - my son is already deeply in the red! Jess is right - you’re healing from trauma and you’re doing it through brutal sleep deprivation.
Pop me a note if you feel crappy, I’m in London too - sometimes all we need is to express how hard this is. You’re doing fine, your twins have what they need from you, it’s ok to try and get what you need too x
Our babies are in the red too! 😂 cost us a fortune to get them here and now we are paying to see a private paediatrician in the hope they’ll help. He was crying for hours last night and moving himself around my body to try and get comfortable, it’s heartbreaking to watch and especially so when his sister is super chilled and just takes her food and sleeps. The bath settled him last night and we left him to sleep when he eventually got down vs waking him for his feed that was due. He managed one poop in the night so hoping they relieved some pressure for him too!!
A night nanny sounds like a dream! Good for you to be able to receive that support. I did have my husbands brother and GF with us yesterday, and she fed my little boy but I’ve said to my husband until he’s settled, I want to be the one to feed him as I find they’re actually both quite grouchy if they’re being held by other people for too long.
Where about’s in London are you from?
Thanks so much for responding. I do feel a little better this morning. A cry to my mum, less night sweats last night which is an achievement, less blood loss and a little more sleep! Amazing what it can do for you! Xx
Well done, it sounds like you’re getting some help even if it does come with a cost. I’m off to see a doctor privately too - if just to rule anything more serious out. I’m out near Essex these days (Gidea Park) after 20 years in north and east London. My night was rough - he wouldn’t sleep for more than 45 mins at a go, wriggling around with a sore tummy and we’re due at the hospital for a hip ultrasound this morning. I still have a strong coffee aversion - today might be the day I conquer it! I find baths help a lot - with a warm flannel on his tummy. I’ve also done some massage - he doesn’t like it on his tummy when it’s sore but does relax a bit with a leg and foot massage, the sling definitely helps him settle and I try to keep him upright for 30 mins after a feed in the day and 15 mins at night (because I’m tired and the feeds are smaller). I also try to do nappy off time with a puppy pad under him (after an almighty poo explosion I learnt my lesson) and a bit of tummy time as the pressure seems to help sometimes. The things we do! x
Firstly CONGRATULATIONS!!! Honestly, you are my hero since you managed to go through the twin pregnancy. After a difficult IVF journey, I had a difficult pregnancy and very complicated labor.. so when I think about twin pregnancy, it’s like a superpower to me..💪🏻
I am 8 weeks postpartum and I totally understand how you feel ( and I repeat- we only have one baby)...I also had bacterial infection after an emergency c section and, since I live the US I was fighting to get antibiotics ?!? I still have high blood pressure and some horrible ear ringing after preeclampsia so I find it so hard to take care of the baby, when I actually need someone to take care of me.. And as you said, hormones make it so hard and sometimes I cry so much feeling sorry for myself and for my little one who’s mom is not good enough.. But, hopefully, things will get better.. honestly, I had no idea that pregnancy is such a “shock” for our bodies( especially after suffering with IVF), so I guess it takes a lot of time to recover- physically and emotionally.. unfortunately, I don’t have any advice but I’m here for you.. Bit by bit and everything is gonna get better, I believe.. Maybe a small advice: find something really simple that’s gonna be just for you and will make you feel better everyday... I bought a “perfect” face creme and that’s my 30 sec ritual every evening.. just smelling that perfect creme makes me feel like myself again ( at least for a moment)...😊
Sending you lots of strength and positive energy💪🏻❤️🍀
Wow, does the US not prescribe antibiotics for things like that? You’ve been through a lot too, so I hope you’re doing okay! It’s hard without support around you. That’s a nice idea to treat yourself! Usually I would think to do that but I guess I’ve forgotten that I need stuff like that to help me feel like me. I’m living in lounge wear every day which is also not like me but it’s comfortable for now!
My infection has forced me to slow down so it’s been nice in a way to be sofa bound so I can just snuggle the babies which does warm me.
Firstly, congratulations on your twins!!! I can’t imagine 2 babies. I don’t have any advice as I’m sat awaiting my first baby. From what you said in the comments it sounds like you need your mum (sorry if I got it wrong)
I don’t know your parents situation but if my mum read this thread and she hadn’t known how I was feeling she would be heartbroken. Could you ring your mum and just tell her you need her? She could pack a bag and get in the car and be all you need for a few days/weeks to get you sorted and help out.
She might not have come and done this already because she doesn’t want to tread on toes but it might be just the invitation your mums needs as well to come and help. Xx
I do, I need my mum. She’d be here in a heartbeat if I had the extra space or didn’t live in London which requires a hotel stay for her (never cheap, even the bad ones). She’s visited with my dad in the first few days and she’s looking all the time for good deals to visit so I know she’s desperate to be here. She’s in touch everyday too. I just wish I lived closer xx
Would it make you feel better if I told you what you are feeling is totally normal? I’ve had 3 babies ( my son is grown up, my daughter Francesca is 2 years and 9 months old and my daughter Eliza is 1 month old) and just having one baby was hard enough so can’t imagine the work load of twins! Also I didn’t have a c section so I can only imagine the recovery must be very tough it is major surgery and the fact you’ve had an infection too you poor thing. My best advice is to sleep if possible when the twins do - never mind the house work not as important ( either get hubby or a cleaner to do it ) I used to run myself ragged with Francesca trying to be super women also felt too ashamed to ask for help- all my friends and family knew we had really struggled for 7 years to have Francesca how could I look like I was complaining?! Why we think that I don’t know it’s not being ungrateful it’s hard being a mum cut we should cut ourselves some slack. Anyway I’ve really struggled going from 1 to 2 children under 3- it has been intensely overwhelming this baby like yours was also very wanted baby and followed several pregnancy losses. I felt overwhelmed but this time I’ve involved my hubby more and he has really stepped up- he comes in from full day at work and asks what he can do to help, he had the girls on his own when un I walked the dogs . Maybe let hubby look after babies on his own to see how hard it is! My hubby found it very hard work- and says he doesn’t know how I do it all day on my own.! I can’t imagine being a first time mum to mum to twins wow you are doing amazing and don’t you forget that, as they get older you will get more into a routine and it will get easier. If you have the energy I can recommend mum and baby groups- mum friends are invaluable. It is hard getting out the door with babies! I have found getting Francesca out is better for us- she needs stimulation and interaction with other children is so important for her development due to lock down when she was just a baby she was anxious round children but 3 weeks of mixing with soft play sensory classes she is more confident the difference is incredible. Luckily Eliza is a laid back baby and fits in with her sister I think second babies have to 😂 If the feelings don’t improve get help for it Xx
Thank you 💛 you sound like you’ve a very supportive hubby. I do think I’m grieving everything I’ve gone through and I think my infection is also just causing me extra upset. Last night I lost a gush of blood, straight through my knickers and onto the floor in clots so I’m a little shaken with that as I know it’s not normal but they’re not sure what’s happening yet. I think once I start to feel better and more myself, I’ll feel more positive and be able to process everything.
Anyway, you sound like superwoman with your children, close together in age. You’re also doing amazing!! I’ve not looked into baby groups, I’m a bit nervous with what to do with two on my own in London but I’ll look into one to see if there’s any on my doorstep! Xxx
Thank you. I’m definitely no super women😂. Francesca has been very trying since we had Eliza to be expected really it has helped by getting Francesca out to various activities. it definitely been a huge adjustment and much harder than we both imagined it! We wondered what we were thinking 🤔😂Oli has said it was more shocking going from 1-2 then when he became a first time dad! You’ve gone from 0-2 that is massive most people struggle with just 1 baby! Definitely cut yourself some slack. Also hormones go crazy after having a baby. On top of sleep deprivation 😬and trying to recover from major surgery. 😬
The sensory classes Francesca attends there are baby ones- they have special sessions for babies as well as pre schoolers. There might be something like that near you hopefully? The sensory classes are amazing Francesca really loves sensory toys - we find she will play for longer with sensory toys so we’ve invested more in them other toys don’t do it for her. And it gives me some space.whilst I try to feed her sister without her trying to climb on me 😂. They are more calming too with toddlers!
My local leisure centre also offer swimming lessons from 5 months old to 3 year olds - mums go with them. If you can get someone to go with you that might be nice? I’m booking Francesca in and my mum will look after Eliza when I take Francesca for swimming lessons.
Soft play is great when they get mobile! Francesca loves it!
Our vicarage also offers a mother and baby/ toddler group once a week- you only pay for a cup of tea with a biscuit!
Family often ask if I want to put Francesca into nursery to give me a break but I don’t - she has speech delay which we think is due Covid and lockdowns so I don’t feel that is suitable for her yet. Her social anxiety is improved, 😊 hoping the speech will also catch up.
Ie infection- are you still under the care of your midwife or have you been discharged? Mine say they are there even after having a baby if you have any concerns. Or the GP. They need to really to the bottom of this infection. My late gran had a tiny bit of retained placenta and it made her very unwell, these days it’s less common as they inject you after birth to get it and weigh it ( they do with vaginal births) but I did hear of it happening to one of my mums ex colleagues niece who was born a week after Eliza. Things like bleeding heavily after birth should never be ignored. I would also get them to check your iron levels as you are at risk of becoming anaemic. And that would also make you feel very tired. Ive had anaemia many times with my endometriosis and in every full term pregnancy. It is horrendous. I had a UTI 2 weeks after birth and I felt so run down . You need to get yourself well you matter too 😊
Ie reflux- is your baby boy gaining weight? And having plenty of wet and dirty nappies? As Francesca had a bit of reflux too but drs weren’t concerned if she was having plenty of wet and dirty nappies as that indicated she was getting enough food. They wouldn’t consider investigating it until she was over 6 months old as most babies will grow out of it. It seems very common with small babies. But obviously very worrying for mummies. Eliza also throws up after feeds but we think she’s a piggy😂 her weight gain is going extremely well she gained nearly a a whole lb in a week and a half!
I hope the medics get to the bottom of this infection and you feel better soon I’m sure this infection isn’t helping Xx
Thank you for all the advice and tips, I’ll look into some of that. My consultant is looking into the infection, though the bleeding has slowed and the fever doesn’t seem to be there now so the meds must be working. Still going to rule anything out which is good I guess.
My little boy isn’t pooing too well now, takes him a lot to do one poo that’s usually explosive. We are going to get some help as last night was just dad too upsetting for him and us, he just cried for hours on end fighting until he could get comfortable. I’m the end, a warm bath and laying him side ways on me calmed him down. He needs help as I don’t want him to start associating food with pain and stop taking milk either! It’s frustrating me that healthcare professionals aren’t providing more support when I’ve already tried everything there is that they’re advising.
Anyway, so glad to hear your little one is thriving and putting on her weight too. We have one more weigh in with my little boy so hoping he’s gained a little more 🤞🏻 Xxx
Thank you. I’m sorry your boy has tummy issues. 🥲Francesca also has issues with her tummy- we started probiotics when she was 2 months old- mainly as I didn’t know about them till then. They really helped her. I think they are suitable for newborns. I used biogala until she was older and I now add probiotic children’s powder to her yogurt drinks she has every morning. If we forget to give one you can see such a difference and she like your little boy will struggle to go. Sometimes with breastfeeding I found eating certain foods have made my children more colicky ( all my children have had bad colic) I had 3 spoonfuls of baked beans with a meal and Eliza was up all night with wind 🥲 probiotics are good for immune system so it’s a good thing to have 😊 I also give Francesca vitamins and I swear that with probiotics has really helped her immune system she is hardly ever ill 😊 do not believe medics when they claim breastfed babies don’t get colic that is rubbish, my sisters children were exclusively breastfed and had terrible colic. She was the one that told me about baby probiotics! 🙌🏻
I’m glad your consultant is trying to get to the bottom of the infection. Definitely get them to check iron levels as you don’t want to become anaemic with 2 babies to look after! There are some follow on vitamins you can take especially for breastfeeding mums. They might help to make you feel less run down.
When you feel physically better and infection has cleared up look into counselling- don’t underestimate the infertility struggle. It really affected me- I couldn’t bare to leave Francesca with anyone and I was forever checking her breathing till she 2 . If she was left ( when I was in hospital)I was always in a state of total paranoia. I kept worrying something awful would happen to her. Looking back I should’ve got help, I swear it was the journey that made me worry so much more about her. I didn’t get the best support in my pregnancy with her they didn’t seem interested it was such a struggle to have her there was no offer of support and counselling which I think is pretty poor. Again infertility is not well understood and underestimated the emotional trauma it causes. I had really good care with Eliza but then I’d lost a baby at 20 weeks before conceiving her. Do whatever makes you feel better.
Mum friends are totally invaluable- something I missed out in when I had Francesca as we went into lockdowns. It’s easy to make friends start talking about your babies and voila 😊 Xx
Aww lovely what a lot to be dealing with 🤗 first thing I would say is don’t feel bad about feeling low just because you have your miracle babies, you can feel happy about that AND overwhelmed and down about others things too! Also right now your hormones will be all over the place and with an infection as well you will be so tired. A lot of things will get better with time and routine but 2 things that I’ve noticed I had to permanently change was 1) the shopping -even with one it never gets done in a timely way anymore (and I only have one baby!) so I do an online shop on Amazon Morrisons that comes same day/next day and I can do this when little guy is napping 2) attention support from other half- for the first few months their attention was mostly on baby and even 11 months later it still isn’t as focused on me as before baby, but when I think about myself I’m the exact same as them, my time and thoughts are filled mostly with baby, we have a tiny human to think of first now! I think it was more noticeable that it had changed because they had been soooo supportive during pregnancy and Labour and then a lot of it (understandably) shifted to baby but I was sore, emotional and on crutches from pelvic misalignment so felt a bit sorry for myself (also totally understandable). A few months after when things had settled we got back to being us more though so it defo does get better 🤗
Perhaps you could be more specific with what you need from husband and MIL or perhaps get a cleaner in temporarily to help might be an idea? As you resting is really important but I understand things still need done. Again this took a few months to establish (mainly as at first this took 2 people until in the big bath) but my other half does bath time, jammies and bottle before bed and that’s when I do the washings and make dinner clean kitchen etc. so that if the day is chaos with baby and I do t get a chance to do house then there is at least that hour at night to get the necessities done. I guess what I’m saying is this part you are in now is only temporary and the newborn stage goes sooooo quick so you just gotta get through one day at a time and enjoy those babies as much as you can 🤗 but rest and ask for the exact help you need from family or outside services as you defo need to rest as much as you can, you might also want to speak to your health visitor about how you are feeling in case PND support might also be helpful (I know I’ve felt like that a few times myself) sending you lots and lots of love to you and your little ones, it’s sounds like you are doing amazing and they are very lucky to have you xx
Sorry it’s taken some time to respond. I had a chat with my hubby and he knows I need more help. I think he’s uncomfortable asking his family for help, not sure why, but he did the cleaning himself when he needs to rest. I think there is such a contrast between my family and his that it’s harder for me to accept that they can’t clearly see we need help with basic things whereas when my visited, they cleaned, made us food, even made us a cup of tea!
Anyway, I think I’m just worn down emotionally that I allowed things to get on top of me. I’m usually very organised and everything is in a routine so stepping outside of that is a learning curve for myself.
Aww I hear ya my other halves family are a nightmare and the closest to us as well but absolutely no help before or after baby where as my mum would drive for hours just to make sure any of her children (and now her grandson) are okay. It’s brilliant you and hubby have had a chat that should be a relief in itself, I hope you are feeling a little better, it does get easier and we are all here for you too and are/have gone through similar so you’re not alone 🤗💕 xx
Wow, you really went through it. So sorry to hear that and of your mums diagnoses. I hope things are okay ❤️
I wanted to settle them into a routine quickly, and for a little while that worked. Every 3 hour feeds and 4 in the night but my little boy is a pound lighter and only 5lbs 4oz now so still small and has very different needs. His reflux is terrible so he cries for hours in distress. I’ve given up with support from GP, midwives and health visitors as they just say “he will grow out of it” but I know he’s in pain so we are going private to try get some support with him. It means I can’t always feed them at the same time as he needs little and often and more attention, whereas she can handle a bigger feed. Im hoping it’s short term! I do my best to, and with my husband around it works but when he’s back at work, it’s going to be such a challenge!
Not being able to help him makes me sad and stressed too so I know I need help with that. I did have a big cry to my mum last night as I’m just so worn down that even though I am hungry and low on energy, I can’t stomach food. Just need a big deep breathe! Going to try get out a bit more this week now I’m healing a bit better and hopefully that will also help me feel a little normal!
Oh hun, sending you a massive hug right now. Our babies are the same age so your story cuts deep. I have struggled so much post partum. No infection but all sorts of other issues. And I found the c section recovery incredibly difficult. I'm spending my maternity leave with mum and dad (flying solo and working abroad) so I haven't cooked or cleaned in a month and mum is so hands on with the baby too so I cannot even fathom that you're doing it all. But the nights are all me and despite all the help I have only really stopped crying this last 2 or 3 days. Are you running a fever? Are you well enough to spend any time outside? If so, it's really made a difference for me. And the baby sleeps well in the carrycot outside. Everyone keeps telling me it is temporary and it gets better. I'm choosing to believe them and I am starting to feel like I'm leaving this dark tunnel. I'm also sorry you feel disappointed by your husband. I know what that feels like. Can you talk to him? Can he not sort out food shopping /deliveries at least?! Everyone knows you take care of baby, partner takes care of mummy. Ask for what you need, now more than ever you're entitled to. Deal with the now and then further down the line you can think about your relationship..
We have done something amazing. Following years of loss and struggle. And your body has just been through the wars right now. We are justified in feeling all of it! It is temporary! It has to be. I'm here if you want to dm anytime day or night. Xxx
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