Abusive relationship

[Mummabear91]

Hey guys I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. Silly I know but I was to scared to leave. He was mentally and emotional abusive.got extremely angry and slammed doors and cupboards, screeched tyres etc. we had a child together and he was 1 when I though f**k this I’m out. I left in April and he wanted to have his son by himself. I wouldn’t let him due to his short fuse and anger issues. In October I got a letter to mediation. Since that letter he hasn’t seen his son once(his choice) I was advised to get a lawyer so I did, she is putting on the table supervised visits through cafs and men’s behaviour course. We still don’t have a mediation date and I’m so anxious. I feel sick my sons father wants to suddenly be in his life after not doing anything when our little fella was little. I had to change bums, baths etc. My son is classed as special needs due to delayed everything and issues he was born with. I’m just super scared after being his main carer for so long. I’m scared he’s going to get takin off me. My anxiety is sky rocketing

[Scarlett13]

Hopefully your ex will only get supervised access due to his abusive ways. You’ve done the right thing getting out and getting legal help. Good for you!!!! I’m proud of you, that must have taken a lot of courage and strength. If you haven’t already, talk to your health visitor for support and your GP too and hopefully children’s services will be fantastic in getting it all sorted. He won’t get taken from you, you’re his protective factor and are doing everything right x

[Hidden]

I worked in child protection for 9 years and can say, based on what you’ve said here, you’ve done all the things that would have been expected/asked to ensure your child’s safety. What possible reason could there be for your child to be taken away? I assure you that your child having additional needs wouldn’t be a factor. And I can also say that there have to be extreme circumstances before a child is removed by social services and that involves a long process through the courts. If your concern is about who has custody, your ex has a very poor track record, whereas you have been consistently protective. You did exactly the right thing getting legal advice; follow what they say and I’m sure things will work out in your favour.

In my opinion you have nothing to worry about (although I understand why you are). I imagine a lot of your anxiety now is still connected to your ex, which is understandable as you’ve been incredibly strong to leave him and raise your child alone and you fear what he ‘might’ try to do next. Having worked with many families in similar situations to you I would happily bet against your ex having the motivation to do anything in relation to seeing your child, certainly in the long term. He might make a show of it by turning up for visits for a few times (more to irritate you than because he wants to see his child), but if he hasn’t done it for the last 6 months he’s unlikely to change now and be able to stick to it. Especially if there are conditions attached to the contact; he won’t want the hassle and his short fuse will show through.

Breathe mumma! You’ve done a great job, you have legal support and nothing will happen overnight x

[Mummabear91 in reply to Hidden]

Wow aren’t you a breathe of fresh air 💕 thank you so much for going into such detail puts a lot into perspective xx

[Hidden in reply to Mummabear91]

Good! I hope it helps! Everyone will have their opinion, just stick with the facts and you’ll be just fine x

[Tiddly1984 in reply to Hidden]

I’m a child protection social worker and agree with this post. Try not to worry.