Finishing sixthform soon and about to start an apprenticeship, just found out I’m pregnant

[Butterfly-1234]

I’m new here so not too sure how this works but today me and my boyfriend did a pregnancy test (well 5) and found out that I am pregnant.

I’m 17 (turning 18 in 2 months) and currently finishing my A-levels with 2 months to go until I leave sixthform and Once I have finished sixthform I have just signed a contract to start a legal apprenticeship in a law firm. My boyfriend is 20 and has just began a plumbing apprenticeship about 2 months ago that he is really enjoying and also working part time on evenings in a pub.

My boyfriend has told his mum tonight and she has text me basically advising me that we’re both too young and need to focus on our futures and therefore I should get an abortion.

I’m really confused right now as I have no idea what to do and looking for some advice?

If I was to carry on with the pregnancy how would this affect my apprenticeship as I’m not starting this until July?

How do I/ do I tell my mum?

[Mayyybaaabaaay]

It’s a very difficult decision. Only you can make that choice, I personally don’t think your boyfriend mum should of text you saying you’re too young and Ned to focus on your career. I would tell your mum and if abortion is something you think will be an option for yourself then that is fair enough speak to an abortion clinic get some more info from them. At the end of the day it’s your life and your partners and a baby is a big responsibility. Hope things work out for you xx

[Major2116]

It's not up to your boyfriend's mum what you should do hun and I don't think she should of said that to you. I would tell your mum though babe. If you two have a good relationship then she'll try to help you.

If you decide to keep the baby then you can speak to the law firm. Technically you haven't got to tell them until 15 weeks before your due but it may work out better of you did as you're allowed time off for appointments etc.

If keeping the baby is something you want to do then it's yours and your boyfriend's choice. One of my best friends found out she was pregnant at 17 and gave birth at 18. She's now 23 with 2 kids (she's still with their dad) and she's got a job doing what she wanted to do. It's taken her longer to get there but if you want it enough then it's possible. Work out what's best for you two babe. Don't let anyone sway your mind. Hope it all works out for you xx

[Butterfly-1234 in reply to Major2116]

Thankyou for your reply!

I really don’t want to tell my mum yet I’m too afraid of her reaction.

I can completely understand why his mum was telling me to get an abortion, we’re both only starting out in our jobs (I don’t even start till July) and where would we even live with a baby etc. She basically told me to consider whether I want a ‘good’ future or to end up ‘living off benefits in a council house’... but I do feel pressure now to go down that route when it’s not particularly something I believe in I just really don’t want to have any regrets!

The only positive thing is how supportive my boyfriend is being.

If you don’t mind me asking how did your best friend cope? Was it difficult with her family? Was she living at home or did they move out? How could she afford it?

[Major2116 in reply to Butterfly-1234]

Just because you have a baby young it doesn't mean you'll live on a council estate on benefits. Don't let anyone else's opinions change your mind babe.

It was hard for them but they've done it. Eventually they moved out together. They had help at first from the government and her boyfriend was working but now they both have jobs.

I have another good friend who is now 21. Their eldest will be 2 in July. Her and her boyfriend (who is my fiancé's mate) are still together, they had help at first too and then both got full time jobs. It is possible hun. If you've got the motivation in you which it seems like you have.

I'm 24 and me and my fiancé have a 3 week old boy. It's hard but worth every minute.

Age doesn't really matter. You can be 16 and still be an amazing mum.

Tell your mum when you feel ready to babe. Have a talk with your boyfriend about what you think is best. It's good that he's being so supportive! Xx

[Hidden]

Of course you are confused lovely, it’s a scary time and it’s a humongous decision that’s up to you and your partner only to make. I would think about people in your life that you trust and admire and speak to them about it to get some support around you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your mum and it certainly doesn’t have to be his but I would say your own mum is a good start.

The abortion clinic is actually also a good place to get some advice too. They have trained counsellors that will sit down with you and chat through all of your questions and concerns and help you come to a decision you are most comfortable with. This consultation is usually mandatory.

If you’re stuck on people to talk to you or want to chat to someone in confidence any time of day, I used to be a Samaritan and believe it or not they are also good for situations like this. They won’t help you decide but will chat about your feelings and offer you reassurance. They can also chat through with you how best to approach your mum. People here are pretty nice too! 😊

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. X

[anna0908]

If you are worried about how the pregnancy will affect your apprenticeship, you could contact maternity action to check your rights around this. Hopefully you should be able to carry on with it with a pause in the middle for maternity leave. Am hoping you have a supportive and loving mum. In which case of course you should tell her and get some support- it is such a big decision to make on your own. However, the ultimate decision is yours and there is no right or wrong here. Just trust your instincts about which is the right path. Best wishes x

[jenna01]

Look up your closest pregnancy advisory service (I think they have a forum on this site as well so may be worth asking there) they will be able to go through all your options with you and help you to come to the right decision for you. You sound very intelligent and are asking all the right questions - it’s clear that whatever you choose to do will be well thought out and be the right thing for you. It’s a tricky situation but either way you can make it work! Good luck!

[Chels976]

Hi Hun, only you can make this decision and it is a big decision to make.

Your boyfriends mum shouldn’t have text you to tell you what to do, the best thing for her to have done is to ask what you wanted to do regardless of her thoughts or feelings.

And as for telling your mum the sooner you tell her the better it will be and the easier it will be. The longer you keep it to yourself the harder it will be. I didn’t tell my mum for a few months and I can honestly say looking back at it now I wish I had told her sooner than I did. But we all make mistakes and you may find she will be upset/disappointed but she won’t hate you, you’re still her daughter but she will hope that you can always talk to her about anything.

Ps. If you decide to keep the baby it doesn’t mean you’ve ruined your life it will just take a little longer to get to where you want to be; also this baby could be the motivation you need to have a career and a better life for you all xx

[Hidden]

As a mother of two girls I'd want them to tell me if they were pregnant especially if they were young, I would always support and love them no matter their decision im sure your mother will too. I can see where your boyfriends mother is coming from shes looking out for her son aswel you both will be tied by that child forever regardless if you remain together or not, maybe she doesnt mean it to sound as harsh just giving her advice or opinion she'll be stressing for you both and herself being a granny, my mother still stresses about me and im 38 trying to have another baby because she thinks she'll have to help look after it whilst im at work which is true really shes helped look after 7 grand kids (not all mine) lol. I have friends who have had children young they don't live in a council house one has her own beauty business and is married (not to 1st baby dad) and has 3 more children, another has 2 kids worked at a bank and now works for the NHS. Life carries on it might just take you longer to get to where you want to be. On the flip side women have abortions all the time and get on with their lives and have children later and feel they've done the right thing at that time I do know quite a few. Its a big decision only you and your boyfriend can make. Good luck xx

[Slibberydib]

Hey,

I’m so sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation to what I was 9 months back, mine was work telling me to abort not my partners family. A couple of things I did take from it all I hope can help you.

No one can tell you what you should do, or try to influence your decision not even your partner. This decision needs to be yours - he can walk away if it gets too much, you can’t (hopefully he wouldn’t, most don’t but some do).

I told my mum pretty much straight away, I was so scared to tell her I was 21 still living at home, I thought she’d go mental at me, she didn’t. She was so supportive of everything, she was there when I just needed to cry or had just had a crappy day, I think you should tell her she might surprise you - if she flips remember it was as much of a shock for her as you, walk away and come back later to talk about it.

Take the time you need to figure out what you want, either decision has the potential to change who you are as a person, because either decision doesn’t go away, one will leave you with a baby the other will leave you with emotions you may or may not have been prepared for.

Having a baby young doesn’t mean you’ll live on benefits he doesn’t have to stop working and you don’t have to give up having an education, I’m planning on going back into education once my little one is a year.

I hope this has helped. I know it’s going to be hard either route just make sure you have support.

[Butterfly-1234 in reply to Slibberydib]

Thankyou so much! I’ve spoken to both my mum and dad now and I’m honestly so overwhelmed with how supportive they’ve been. My boyfriend is coming round tonight to speak to them as well.

I don’t know what I’m going to do yet but feel so much better.

Was just wondering how did you find living at home through it all? I just don’t really know what to expect or do

[Slibberydib in reply to Butterfly-1234]

For me living at home through it all was really nice, my mum and I never got along before and it changed our relationship completely. It’s also been nice to talk to someone I trust completely other than just my boyfriend about how I’m feeling.

It’s crazy how the things you think they’ll flip out about they end up being so supportive with!

Either way make sure it’s what you want, my little boy is 2 and half weeks now I wouldn’t change him for the world but it hasn’t been easy adjusting to everything but I couldn’t of done it without the support of my mum and boyfriend.

I hope everything goes ok and trust me it’ll work out for the best in the end no matter what you decide!

[Georgina_D]

Nobody can stop you starting a job or apprenticeship just because you are pregnant. You do not have to tell your employer about pregnancy until 25 weeks (so you can go on maternity leave). You have the right to work until the birth of your baby (most women go on maternity leave before then). Legally you have to be off work for 2 weeks after baby's birth (most women take longer than this though).

Not sure how your course/qualification will be affected. I would just start the apprenticeship regardless of what u decide. There may be an opportunity to complete after maternity leave or later in life x

Also maybe your boyfriend or either of your parents could look after baby if you want to focus on your career right now (talk to them!).

Contact your GP to get counselling on abortion. You are the only one who can decide whether to keep the pregnancy or not. But if you do abort, please do so sooner rather than later to reduce risk of complications x

[Newyeae]

Hey I would tell your mum as soon as possible even if it is scary. She can maybe help you come to a decision which you are happy with. Make a decision that you feel comfortable with. Good luck x

[Kay2684]

I had my eldest at 16 she is almost 14 now and although it wasn’t always easy I know keeping her was right for me but what I would suggest before making any big decisions find out what support is available either through your school/college citizen advice midwife or even googling to find out if you will be entitled to help with childcare which you should be I got crèche place at college for my daughter and switched from full to a part time course which helped too there is so much help available and I got help at first benefits and a council house as your partners mum put it but now I’m a home owner with full time job and 3 other children if you have just found out I’m guessing it’s early enough for you to think things through and be as sure as you can be before you decide just don’t be pressured in to anything make sure it’s the decision which is best for you alone x