47 Should I try for another baby?

[Lmt47]

Hi I am new to here and looking for some honest advice. I had a beautiful little girl at 44 naturally conceived and healthy. I am 47 and me and my husband are considering trying to have a brother or sister for her. I have two older children 23 and 21 so would like our daughter to have someone close to her age but not sure on my age. I will go and speak to doctor too. Thanks for reading.

[roxannacar]

I think the decision is yours and your husbands alone, as you need to deal with the baby. Of course you need to be aware of the downsides - aka health wise you're more likely to run into issues starting with getting pregnant naturally in the first place (if ivf is something you would want it would have to be private and probably overseas), higher chances of issues like Down syndrome and issues with your own health. Of course it could all turn out fine. Also dealing with a new born and small child is v tiring. Of course you might be a v fit and active person anyways so you can cope with these issues more easily.

In the longer term issues eg financially retiring when having a teenager etc and other health issues you might be facing.

Don't mean to put a negative light on this, but you asked for honest advice and as I'm sure you can see what the positives are, so might be worth looking at the other side. But finally the decision is yours.

[Miss_slinky in reply to roxannacar]

Yes, these are very good points regarding difficulties conceiving, higher chance of miscarriage, higher risk of Down's syndrome etc. It's all worth bearing in mind as well. But then this starts at after 30 and I was so, so worried about it, due to all the scare stories in the media, I thought it would take years to conceive or never happen for us - it happened straight away. I almost didn't understand this - I literally hadn't even contemplated this might happen as the media is so downbeat on women over 30/35 having children! It's so hard to say...I know this sounds quite cut and dried but maybe write a + and - list with the family - the positives of it happening and the potential negatives and if you can counteract the possible negatives with support from family, just be prepared for all outcomes.

[Lmt47 in reply to roxannacar]

Hi

Thank you for response. Yes I have thought about all the complications and I would get tested for disabilities too. The part about retiring with a teenager, I will already have one as my little girl has just turned 3 so I am use to having a young child and absolutely love it.

I know I shouldn't care what people think of me and my age but I do worry. I am a young looking 47!everyone thinks I'm in my 30's so that helps!

Will go to the doctors tomorrow and speak to them also.

Thank you

[roxannacar in reply to Lmt47]

I think what people think (if you look 30 or 40 or 50) shouldn't even be a consideration. Sounds like you've already thought through all the issues, so I think it's a matter of making up your mind (secretly I think you might have already) and starting supplements and hoping it all works out for you.

[Miss_slinky]

It's hard isn't it. I've just started and I'm 36 (!) and pregnant for the first time. I hope to have 2 before I'm 40 (fingers and toes crossed). Congrats on your family so far! I guess there are two schools of thought - it's your life, live it as you want to with your family or that it's potentially a bit selfish due to age.

I genuinely don't think there is any point asking random people that you've never even met what they think...it's a decision that you and your husband and your kids (!) need to make together. It's you as a family unit that counts, not anybody else's opinion. How do you feel as a mum just now? How do your older kids feel about it? Have you spoken to them? Would they support you and your husband if you had any ill health etc.? The thing is anyone of us could come down with bad health tomorrow, irrespective of age, so again - is this even a question worth asking?

I'm just posing questions to help you think about it. I've not got an opinion either way, I've a friend who was 45 when she had her first child and she dotes on her like nothing else & is the best mum. Sit and work it out with your whole family - not with strangers! I wish you all the best x

[Lmt47 in reply to Miss_slinky]

Hi

Thank you for your reply and congratulations on your pregnancy. I had my first at 24 2nd at 27 and 3rd at 44 so can see both sides. I prefer being an older mum as a lot calmer etc and love our days out together etc. My older two absolutely dote on her which is great. I haven't talked to them both about another baby as want to be clear in my mind first.

I do think it is easier just with my 3 year old as we can give her more financially etc but on the other hand would a sibling be better to grow up with etc and do things together.

You are right me and my husband are the only ones who should make the decision I just wanted to hear some other people's thoughts.

Thank you

[misswinky34]

Follow your heart ❤️

If it feels right for you then do it.

This a forum and a place to share opinions, I talk with my husband about things but that doesn't stop me coming on here and harassing everyone in fertility network!! 😁

Pop over and join us xxx

[Niktuck53]

I am 49 and had my 4th baby 9 months ago at 48. My other daughters are 20,22 and 24. We used my wife's (35 y.o.) egg and had IVF and I carried her. It reduced the risk of chromosomal abnormalities. I was well through the pregnancy and gave birth at term. Now we are asking ourselves a similar question . It makes me feel a bit sad to think of her growing up without a sibling alongside her, as I can see how close her sisters are to each other . Although she is surrounded by love , I think you also learn so much from having a close sibling. I worry about little about being tired with 2 little ones, but that is inevitable . I also don't relish the prospect of the stresses of early pregnancy and fear of miscarriage . But I believe that once the pregnancy is well established , antenatal care is so good that you have a very good chance of all going well . Good luck with your choices , and remember that she is a loved and lucky child whichever way it goes .

[Lmt47 in reply to Niktuck53]

Hi

Thank you for your reply, that is lovely you had another little girl. I am going to the doctors today to speak through it all.

Our little girl has lots of cousins too and one who is 6 weeks older than her so will have lots of mixing with other kids, I just then think about Christmas morning when my other two move out it will just be her and I remember my other two getting excited together. Me and my husband will see what the doctor says then make a decision whether to remove my coil or not.

Enjoy your little 9 month year old they are so cute at that age.

[Niktuck53]

Thank you . Best wishes