I'm now chubby, fatty and full of pies and a python; how did you deal with men in workplace?

[Hopeful15]

Hi Ladies,

Sorry having a moment with no one to talk to. I told my colleagues at work a few weeks ago that I was pregnant simply because I couldn't hide my bump anymore. Since then, a number of my male colleagues, (I work in a 99% male environment) have taken to calling me chubby and fatty amongst other things and constantly commenting when I eat anything in front of them - "you can't have a biscuit, you're already full of biscuits", or "I'm convinced she's just going to give birth to a pie", "you've turned into a python I can still see you digesting yesterday's Sunday roast" etc etc. Most of the time I can shake it off, but note that I'm getting increasingly paranoid about my weight gain and consider what they've said throughout the day when I get home. Even though I've managed to stay a size 14, I keep checking my pregnancy weight calculator to ensure I'm on a normal track and poking myself in the mirror and note I've started eating in secret and have burst out crying a couple of times in disgust at my curves. I know hormones are mixed up in this, but I just can't get these guys to stop. I've told them to stop. I even put my hand up and said that their comments were verging on harrassment. I even stooped to telling them the truth that my husband was really angry at them for damaging my self confidence but they just laughed and said it's what men do - it's just friendly banter. But I can't get personal back at them to stoop to their level or allow them to see that as me condoning what they say to me. So, today, I told a female colleague my concerns and asked for her advice. A few hours later I watched as she marched the guys in question one by one into a meeting room. I don't know what was said. She left before I could get out of my meeting and all of the guys kept their heads down and blanked me. And now I just can't shake this feeling of guilt and anxiety that I shouldn't have said anything and that I've done something wrong. I feel pretty pathetic all round and know I need to get a grip. Thank you for letting me vent. Just hope hubby isn't disappointed in me when he gets home for letting it get to me today. There are some things about coping with pregnancy that have come as a real shock and this is one of them.

[letsbehobest]

You absolutely should NOT feel any guilt at all!!! What they were doing is wrong on so many levels and in my workplace they would have been given a written warning if not suspension!! Would they have done the same if you gained weight because of chemotherapy treatment? Or because of another medical condition? Highly unlikely! So whats the difference! You are doing brilliant, im sure. Please dont become obsessed about weight. You need to eat! So long as you are eating a good, balanced diet so what if you gain weight. It can always be lost when baby has arrived! Im sure your husband will be very proud! X

[toffee83]

I second that, you shouldn't feel guilty - the men at your work should! I only had a couple of jokey negative comments at work when i was pregnant (1 man called me fatty and another walked past as I was eating a piece of cake and made a comment about it...) & both times wanted to cry! So for you to get these kind of comments all the time I can imagine is really tough! Especially with hormones and being tired - the last thing you need is to feel self conscious and upset at work. You did the right thing addressing it as it would only have got worse - you'd be feeling paranoid about eating at work and getting increasingly anxious about what they think - which is never good. And your self esteem would be low. They probably didn't realise how much it upset you - now they do so hopefully will stop. Hope it turns out ok Hun. Take care xx

[Hopeful15]

Thank you for your kind words Ladies. Hubby came home and I burst into tears and told him and he agreed with you and said I shouldn't feel guilty (he used a number of expletives to add emotion) and also reiterated that if it happened again after my colleague had told them off that he'd come in and tell them in his own way. It won't come to that but feeling a little flushed damsel in distress by how indignant he was that they pushed me that far. Suffice to say, feeling strengthened by your words and his reaction. Holding head high and thinking about eating some peaches and ice cream. Xxx

[tazmania]

"There are some things about coping with pregnancy that have come as a real shock and this is one of them." - that's because it is NOT something you should be dealing with!! Glad your husband is supportive. Your colleagues are behaving very strangely and I can only hope they just have no idea that you might be taking their comments seriously. The fact that they think it is so acceptable tells me that there is no truth in what they say - which is why they think it's just harmless banter! very immature!

[Neep]

I agree with everyone, don't feel guilty about it! I also would like to say that you have one excellent colleague who is fighting your corner. People like that is precious. Give her a hug tomorrow.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this.

Their behaviour is chauvinistic, sexist and disgusting. It's is NOT 'what men do'!

Well done for confiding in another colleague. I'm sure your husband won't be disappointed in the fact that it's affected you - I'd be upset if it was me. I'm pretty angry, just reading about it!

Try not be be upset because of them. Your body is changing, and yes, you will gain weight. But, think of what it's going through - you're growing a person! You shouldn't feel guilty for eating what you fancy, you need the energy!

X

[Hopeful15]

The culprits have all been pretty shady since they had a talking to. However, my line manager (male) came back from holiday and the first thing he said to me across our crowded office was "Oh Missus, you've really let yourself go haven't you, you've put a ton of weight on since I went away. You should cut back on the cakes, love". I put my hand up and told him not to go there and that I thought I was doing really well, to which he responded indignantly - "glad to see you're not being over sensitive to everything." All of these men have children I hasten to add, which just makes me wonder what/if their wives put up with that behaviour too. Anyways, my female colleague was amongst the 10 or so staff (inc previous culprits) who heard this exchange and she immediately informed a senior male colleague of what had happened and he hauled my line manager into a room and told him off. Everything has stopped now but I'm also aware that not one of them has mentioned a word of apology or care to me. The only thing one of them asked was, "so are you feeling better today?". So I don't feel guilty anymore. Hubby is still really angry though.

[Cduncano]

I'm glad they hung their heads they should be ashamed of themselves!! They had their opportunity to stop when you asked them, I would have marched them into that meeting room too!

You're doing really well to maintain your size, I'm still shocked at terribly they have treated you - I'm glad you don't feel guilty anymore if you have a boy at least you know he won't grow up to behave in such an unintelligent and insensitive manner!

I know you wrote this a month ago but just had to reply to this, well done for standing up for yourself and all the best of luck x