Pre-Ecamplsia - the after effects its having on my life.

[Mango401]

Hello ladies, been a while since I have posted on here, been very busy with my gorgeous little boy of now 3 and a half months, where has the time gone! Im doing fantastic, im back to work only working 3 days a week, 3 hours a day which is fab as fits in with my little one, we are on the house hunt which is very exciting! and best of all my little man is fighting fit, happy, healthy and amazes me every day. I could cry every time I look at him, he just melts my heart that much, Never knew you could love someone this much.

Anyway, there has been a big thing on my mind. My labour experience was awful, and I nearly passed away during labour. Il quickly revise what happened, well as much as I can remember. - When I got to about 37 weeks in my pregnancy everything started to go wrong, my blood pressure was raised all the time, there was protein in my urine and other things but none of the midwives could put there fingers on it. From 37 weeks - 40 weeks I got sent up to the hospital 7 times and sent home later that day. On the 7th time, they decided they would induce me the next day at 40 weeks exactly. I began induction on the Tuesday, by the Tuesday night I was 3cm dilated but they wanted me to sleep so they gave me diamorphine, I drifted in and out of sleep all night and up until about Wednesday lunchtime. Wednesday lunchtime I was 3cm dilated and was going to be taken to labour suite to get my waters broken, they said if I wanted to go for a shower or so, do it now before they came and got me. I had a shower, but straight after I came out the shower I had an eclamptic fit. Now this is where it becomes blurry, the rest is really told from my partners point of view. They found me 20 minutes later, needless to say, all hands were on deck, I was taken up to high dependency and whisked straight up to labour suite once they had everything under control. From the time I had the fit, to high dependency was the time I nearly passed away. Im still not sure what happened as I cannot remember anything from the time I had the fit until the day after my son was born. My partner was also kept out the room at this time and was only allowed back in at labour suite. I was taken to theatre where I had a full spinal block and was assisted by forceps to deliver my son. I stayed in hospital for 2 weeks after my son was born. 2 months after my son was born I had another "seizure" at home and ever since have been on medication. Sorry for the long ramble, long story!!!

So of course I am not planning anymore kids anytime soon, but the thought is consistently running through my head, what if I want more? I have been told by the doctors if we do have another, we should have a sit down with them first and talk through it to come up with a plan. A lot of people have been saying to me I should not have another including medical professionals as it is too risky, but a lot of my family think I am being cruel leaving my son as an only child. To be honest I do not care what they think as none of them went through what I did. But I cant help thinking what if I want another one? I do not want to go through what I did again as it pains me to even think about it and is so upsetting. I do not want something to go wrong and not be able to see my son grow up, but ever since I was a little girl and you plan your life ahead, your wedding, what your house would look like etc, the silly things you do as a little girl, I always said I would have two children. I feel selfish thinking these thoughts as I should be thankful I was lucky enough to have one child (which believe me I am!!) but I think I am upset and scared that this decision has been taken away from me, everything happened so fast. They said when I was in hospital if I had another I would be hospitalised for my pregnancy and I feel this would take away from my son, no matter what age he is. My partner is so supportive in every way and just wants me safe and does not want to ever put me in danger. But this thought just keeps crossing my mind at least once everyday! Has anyone ever gone through a similar experience?

I hope all you ladies are well, and all your little ones xxx

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1st glad ur both well & happy now .

felt very emotional reading ur post . i didnt suffer pre eclampsia but my labour with my 4 yo son was traumatic as i ended up with an emergency section , he was in danger more than me , his heart rate dropped dramatically with no explanation , he was blue when he came out ! and had an infection so was in hospital 5 days after birth ( 2 previous nights there in labour ) in comparison a walk in the park compared but it did and still has lasting effects on me .

i had massive feelings of failiure at not birthing naturally , the feeling is still there but less now , i was in awfull physical pain and just sad with the whole experiance , dissapointed , not my expectation ... at the time i didnt want any more babies but in the back of my head IF i did I WILL BIRTH NATURALLY ...

i hated the stay in hospital after ... he was breastfeeding and obviously fighting an infection so not a happy baby , everytime i did get him settled they would come and check him then leave me to settle him again ( he was on hourly obs ) i litterally didnt get any sleep the whole week, at 3 days old i had a break down early hrs in the morning and they asked if i wanted them to take him ? i said yes and instantly felt relieved & guilty , they had him for 3hrs & he slept soundly , that was the only 'quality ' sleep i got the whole time ... initially the only food i had was a snack bag that a family member had left me as no told me where to go or what time meals were . dad spent a lot of time wetting babies head !!! other family thought he was there and didnt want to intrude on our little family . blah blah blah ... awfull experiance

i didnt instantly bond with him , i reasoned at the time i loved him so much while i was pregnant , thats y i didnt get the sudden rush of emotion/love iv heard peope talk about but i did question myself , the rush acctually came a few months later when i looked in to his moses basket 1 morning and he smiled at me : ) i dont acctually remember a lot of his early months as i think i blocked a lot of it out as it wasnt a happy time for me : ( which it should b ! i was quite particular about how things should b done with him & the house and no 1 would do it the way it should b so i was killing myself trying to do everything for the 1st few months , think the control thing came from not being able to control other events , i did realise and calmed it down .

1 year later my thoughts were if i dont jump in and have another baby , well i never would . 1 reason i didnt want him being an only child ! so started trying , months later no pregnancy , getting a bit worried ... months later still no joy ...getting a bit obsesive . i have him , i should b happy & if its not to be then so be it ( im telling myself ) still feling like a failiure yet again. 23months later hey presto , pregnant . obviously worried about all the things u worry about when pregnant , especial early on , as the pregnacy progressed alot of my feelings from my previous experiance surfaced that i had buried and i started dreading the birth & early months , but looked at it as a means to an end . made the decision on an elective section which a lot of people couldnt understand as i struggled with 1st one, but it was somthing i could control & after a lot of research and reasoning i decided it was the best for me & the whole thing was a totally different experiance to emergency 1, the pain & recovery a fraction of previous , instant bond and that rush when i saw her , litterally as different as night & day . she is now 7months & even though i really , really wanted another boy i wouldnt swap her for the world . my family is now complete.

summary - time changes things , ur thoughts & feelings .

if u want another in time , go with ur heart and do it as safely as possible , docs dont know everything ... no 1 could predict ur 1s experiance , is the meds ur on now gona b a problem ? r u gona need them long term ? as u said docs have advised a plan of action in the event of another pregnancy, every thing in lfe as a risk , its weighing up the positive to negative . as for being cruel for being and only child surely putting ur life in danger is just as cruel !!! is ur partner supportive if u did want to do it again ? if u do have another u can feel like ur taking away from 1st if u end in with a hospital stay or not , but ur also giving them so much at the same time ! if both of mine want something at the same time , u have to decide which needs doing 1st ... 1 of mine is always waiting for something , just a little thing like turning the tv over while im in the middle of a nappy change etc...

good luck , be happy

p.s u thought u went on in a ramble ! ha ha

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also my sister in law nearly ended up giving birth to her 3rd at home after being checked at hospital and being sent home .ended up being rushe to hospital in ambulance and baby born on the trolly while moving her , she found it traumatic baby was born so fast ... everyone is different . i wouldt find popping my baby out in mins traumatic ! docs are the 1st to say every , pregnancy , labour & birth are different .

[Nochok]

Wow what an emotional read x firstly I want to send you a huge hug and tell you its ok to have mixed feelings with what you have been through. I too had pre eclampsia, and a traumatic birth and I too want another child (my beautifull boy is nearly 6 months old), my husband has said he doesnt want to see me go through it again and we should be grateful we are both here with our health to bring our son up and he should be enough.

To boot I am 40 at the end of this year so time isnt on my side.

I totally agree with my husband I am so happy and I feel blessed to have them both in my life..

But the yearning is still there and as a woman its hard to ignore it.

You have to just try like I am to forget about another for now and enjoy your son (harder said than done) ...

I think to myself that I would be so upset with myself if I missed out on him growing up because I was too pre occupied with what might or might not be.

I also think about life for my husband and son if I wernt here, which breaks my heart.

Your not on your own I am sure we are one of many who are in the same situation...

A very good friend of mine can't have children at all after having cancer at 34 years old so I feel very very lucky to be a mother at all.

Sending you lots of positive happy thoughts xxxxxxx

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Oh my God, you poor thing! And for your partner, too. I'm really glad to hear you're all doing well now though

Asking 'what if', in any situation, is never a good idea. Saying that, it's a good idea to plan ahead and anticipate that you may want more children.

First of all, you're not being cruel to your child if you don't provide them with siblings. No offence to your family, but that notion is utterly ridiculous (I'm an only child, by the way), and I'm pleased to hear that you're not taking that nonsense on board!

It's not selfish to consider more children. I think IF the time comes when you and your OH feel broody again, then you should both communicate with each other how you're feeling, and seek as much medical advice as you can. You need to put your health first though, and if it's not recommended then maybe you need to follow that advice.

I'm sorry to hear that you still feel upset when you remember the birth. Have you thought of counselling? It would definitely help if you do consider adding to your family.

X

P.S- My OH is 43 and although he's thrilled that he's going to be a Dad soon, we've had a 'What if I want more?' conversation, and he doesn't want to be an 'old Dad', so we're only having one. I'm happy with our mutual decision and can understand why he feels that way, but I know how you feel about decisions being made very quickly, almost like they've been taken away from you (obviously under different circumstances).

[mummymummy]

Oh hun how awful must make u feel very emotional when u think about it! Why have u had another fit? Is it to do with pre eclampsia again? They should not of left u for so long... AllThe indicators were there for pre eclampsia, so did their lack of care lead to this? If theyhad got baby out sooner all of this wouldn't of happened!...u need to complain to pals they will have all ur records. .. Of course it is a thought but I think it is too soon to think about babies u need to get over what happened to u first. .. and don't let anyone make u feel guilty my god what u have gone thru is traumatic and life threatening. .. You need medical advice about more children when ur ready and ur have to see how u are and hopefully won't have another fit. ..The fact u may have to stay in hosp well no one can predict what happens and I have had friends spend most of their pregnancies in hosp due to sickness and they have had more children and been the same... but it's ur health u need to think about and that is the most important. . have u thought about counselling? One of my friends had severe headaches and her face would go numb down one side and they kept telling her that it was pregnancy migraine. .. but eventually they gave her a scan and she had a small blood clot on her brain. .. She was advised not to have more children but she did and thankfully it was fine. .. but please take the time to get over what u have gone thru before you think about all of this... I do hope it all works out and u will be able to have another one when ur ready xxx