Being as most of us had no one, or too few to pull Christmas crackers, thought we could pull them here. Party hats are virtual 😁

[Bazzak]

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How do you console an English Teacher?

There, their, they're. .

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I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say .. 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made.' What do they want a medal?

Just went into a shop and said: "Can I pay by card?" He said: "No problem, what card do you have?"

I said: "The ace of spades!"

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Just finished reading a book called 'Fear of Sunlight' ...

by Gladys Knight. .

As I get older, I think of all the people I've lost along the way...

Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me?

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I finally caught the person at work who has been stealing my beetroot ....

caught him red handed.

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I saw Diana Ross trying to push in at the queue at Tesco and I said to her: "You can’t hurry love you just have to wait". .

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I turned down a job where I would be paid in vegetables.

The celery was unacceptable. .

I was disappointed that I only got a rucksack for Christmas;

but I’ve put it behind me now. .

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.I think that men who shorten their name to Pat are missing a trick.

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