I have never had much time for my brother - but he is ill in hospital...
He is on IV antibiotics, so they have stopped the chemo for his 100 or so tumours... but his head and neck hurt from previous chemo, and the morphine is not controlling the pain.
He is seven hours drive away.
His twin daughters try to help - but they have problems of their own, and are finding it difficult to cope.
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Hi S11m, I'm really sorry to hear your brother is going through this. It sounds like he is in a lot of pain and very uncomfortable. How are you doing? 7 hrs is quite a far drive, are you thinking of going to visit? I hope you are okay.
The theory is that people get looked after in hospital - and, when they need help is when they get home.
He is having problems getting the hospital to provide food which he can eat - he says that the only thing that they will provide that he can eat is chicken curry?
He needs more pyjamas - but he has a waist measurement of about 58 inches... I have lost 5 or 6 stone - but my pyjamas are now about ten inches too big for me... but at least twelve inches too small for him!
When my late wife was dying of cancer, she wanted some comfortable, long silk nighties... At the department store, a very opinionated shop assistant went and got some nighties that would have hardly suited her down to her navel!
oh goodness, it is really difficult to get help sometimes isn't it? i hope the hospital can give him more to eat and manage his pain better.
I think you know the answer as to what you should do!
He is in Scotland, and one, nominated, visitor is allowed.
I expect that they like the visitors to be local - I do not know if they would approve a visitor from so far away.
He has several friends from his local church who visit regularly.
He has been sent home, without adequate care, so I might be going… I have four siblings, and three of us would be up to the task.
Hi S11m, I guess the really important thing is to get a message to him, somehow. He will understand that you cannot be with him, but when a close family member is ill, even if there has been discord, it will help him, and help you, if you can somehow show him that you are thinking of him.
You can't do anything about some of the practical things. The food in most hospitals is inedible but you can't provide his. And neither can you help him with pyjamas. But you can communicate your concern and that's the most important thing of all. Wishing your brother well.
I am so very sorry to hear that. It must be so difficult for you aĺl. Sending love and hugs. Xx
Let bygones be bygones! Go see your brother, and help him, in his need! That would be the proper thing to do! I speak from experience. My younger brother is one I didn’t have much time for. He and I have very little in common. I am a giver, he is a taker. Something came up, after over 50 years of not seeing much of him. Our Mom was murdered, and he needed me to help him cope, since he was her favorite, and he was devastated! Of course, I was devastated too, but I have ways of coping, because I’ve had several people, who were close to me, die tragic, early deaths, so I knew how to function, in spite of being sad! It’s hard to be around my brother, because he is so self-centered and very narcissistic. I threw caution to the wind, and flew from Michigan, down to Florida, to help him! I let bygones be bygones, and he was grateful for my help! I will never have a guilt complex, about not helping him, in his need, because I was there for him, and set an example for him! Good luck! Wishing you the best, during this most difficult time!
I’m sorry to hear about your family issue/s with your brother and he being unwell.
But it’s so sad when I hear families not getting on with each other and siblings not bothering with each other also. All that is left of mine is my mother who is 85 and sister who is 61. We speak to each other daily and my mum 2-3 times a day. My mum is a 3hr drive from me and my sister 2hr drive and I wouldn’t hesitate at anything if either were in hospital to go and stay and visit and help even if it was a 7hr drive I’d still be doing it. Hope you get some healing done with both of you; best of luck and hope your brother gets well soon.
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Relationships will change
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