I have a 4 month old baby who I love with all of my heart and have bonded with, however I find myself crying a lot, snapping constantly and have no 'get up and go' like I used to. Everything is such an effort and sometimes I hate looking in the mirror, knowing I will only pick flaws in my appearance. I have plenty of help, a loving partner - a close family but I still feel as if no one understands how hard being a mum can be and I feel alone sometimes. Its as if I have lost the happy go lucky girl who I used to be, I never thought I would miss work but I find myself staring at the four walls not even wanting to go out most days - everything seems to be an effort but when I am out I feel much better, even though I can't help thinking people are judging me being a mum, I feel as if I suddenly realised, maybe I wasn't ready to become a mum just yet but also wouldn't change it for the world? I feel mentally exhausted and am wondering if I am suffering from PNI? All I want is the best for my baby and to appreciate all the good things I know I have but I am finding it so so hard. My gut instinct is telling me to talk about it but I'm terrified that the doctor will tell me what I don't want to hear and I do feel that I can't tell me family or partner as I don't want to be treated with kid gloves or for them to feel sorry for me. Overall, feeling a little bit lost and probably not making much sense!