Looking back

[LadyJayne68]

I have eyes in the back of my head, I am always looking backwards wishing things were different and they are not, they never can be. I miss so much. I am going to try to start looking forward. Thank you all, you are helping me so much x

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer]

Clichéd as it I there is no point in trying to change the past, you can’t. However you can change how you deal with it. Consign to No Further Action box and move on. It might be difficult, but you CAN do it.🌸

[PMRpro Ambassador]

Every day is a new day, every year a new year. What is behind is done - and should be dusted. It can be hard learning - but each of us can with a bit of help

[LadyJayne68 in reply to PMRpro]

And I have found plenty of that here.My husband is due home this afternoon. Thank you for your company. I will let you know how I get on Friday 🙂

[Animalover65 in reply to PMRpro]

I have just gone through a difficult 3 weeks of anxiety and trying to manage it alone. I feel about 17 instead of 67 at the moment. Going to try and ring a friend and ask for some emotional back up but its hard when being used to managing alone. Wish I could have a cuppa with one of the lovely members here.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Animalover65]

You do have to accept we ALL need a hand at times - what I think is far harder is to be feeling as if you are screaming for help but nobody is listening. I do hope there is someone on the other end of that phone.

[Animalover65 in reply to PMRpro]

Thank you PMRpro, yes I really need to remember that we all need a hand at times.

And you are spot on about feeling someone can listen. 🌺

[Animalover65 in reply to PMRpro]

Feel like I need some of your positive energy.@🌺

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Animalover65]

Positive energy???? ME???????? 😂😂😂

[Animalover65 in reply to PMRpro]

Have you struggled and come through? I think I need some examples getting to the other side of things.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Animalover65]

Just the things of life really. Both my daughters were preemies - very early. Both very successful in their NHS careers now. Moved around every 10 years for my husband's career so rarely anywhere long enough to build up a support network, including moving to Germany with an 18 month old and speaking no German. I ended up earning my living by translating! He had cancer at 41 when our girls were still at primary school - that was an interesting year!! We moved to Italy when he retired - no family here at all. He became very ill just as Covid started and died 3 years ago and I am still living here - by choice.

You just take one step at a time. Have the occasional meltdown and learn how to cope with things - even tax and the vagaries of HMRC ... And then you realise - it wasn't that difficult after all.

[Animalover65 in reply to PMRpro]

That sounds like many challenges to face and get through!

I think its the support network I find difficult. I seem to join various things but always seeking to find my tribe. Think maybe I need to keep looking.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Animalover65]

Maybe - or learn to be self-sufficient? Takes some practise and sometimes help. We do often recommend counselling because chronic illness isn't easy to live with and adapt to the changes it brings. Learning to let go can be hard.

[Animalover65 in reply to PMRpro]

Yes think its about feeling self sufficient and able to connect with like minded others

[LadyJayne68 in reply to PMRpro]

I totally agree. 20 years ago I was diagnosed with ME/CFS and received chronic illness counselling. It made all the difference to how I dealt with it.

[Hoofprints in reply to PMRpro]

Incredible that you spoke no German initially and then ended up becoming a translator!! Amazing. Well done. I am desperately trying to rack my brains for some job I could do from home, but alas have no second language skills!!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Hoofprints]

They don;t need us any more - automatic translation has some on in leaps and bounds! I was told I wouldn't be needed much longer by someone in the 80s but he was way out. I got another 25-odd years. I only ever did German to English and preferably scientific and medical stuff. I dreaded non-specialist stuff - "Oh this will be easy, it's just ..." and it would be horrid!!

[Hoofprints in reply to PMRpro]

Nevertheless that's incredibly impressive.

It seems all manner of professionals and skilled jobs are being dumbed down now. Artificial intelligence seems terrifying to me in terms of all the social and economic repercussions that will ensue as a result and which no one seems to have thought out properly.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Hoofprints]

It all needs checking - it is too confident at asserting things and making up its own references out of a mishmash of real ones ...

[Hoofprints in reply to PMRpro]

So true

[LadyJayne68 in reply to Animalover65]

I also suffer with anxiety and I am also 67 🫖☕

[Animalover65 in reply to LadyJayne68]

Lets send each other a hug.🌺

[LadyJayne68 in reply to Animalover65]

🤗

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Animalover65]

Wish I could have a cuppa with one of the lovely members here.

Not quite the same thing, but we are happy to join you in a virtual cuppa😊

[Animalover65 in reply to DorsetLady]

Lovely, shall we have a few chocolate biscuits also?🌺😊

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Animalover65]

Well that’s naughty -but why not, sure we could find a good reason.. 😂

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to DorsetLady]

Prosecco is probably naughtier but even more fun!!!

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Animalover65]

Whilst I agree with PMRpro on the Prosecco -maybe not at 10am -unless on Christmas Day - so cheers. Other chocolate biscuits are available😊

Cuppa cheers

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to DorsetLady]

I had mine at 12 midday on Sunday - outside in the sun - is that OK???

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to PMRpro]

Yep!...sounds good..

[Animalover65 in reply to DorsetLady]

That looks just right!😊

[Sillydogsmum]

Would a little professional help enable you to come to terms with things a bit more effectively? Sounds a bit like you might benefit.💐

[Angelsmummy]

When I feel low,I look to the good things in my life,my OH,my animals my beautiful great grandson.Of course there are down days,we all get them,especially if there are other problems than our own health added to the mix but we plod on,and count our blessings even if we don’t feel them all the time.This time of the year will probably not help,not being able to get outside and do the things we would like to do,but focus on the fact that you have your family for Xmas,start making preparations,lists,something to give you a purpose and to not think about your illness.I know it’s hard,I wallowed for a while,the loss of independence,having to rely on people to take us places,not having the energy like I used to have,I GRIEVED for a long while,but realised that it was not going to change and I had pull myself into a better place.It WILL get better,and acceptance is a part of the healing.Take care,x🌼😜

[Indigo2417]

There can’t be many people who don’t look back and wish things were different. I’ve got that T-shirt as well. Particularly when I look at my body shape now and think of it before I got my compression fractures in my spine. But, over the last 2-3 years I’ve been doing a morning meditation for about 10 mins. I’m currently using the Insight timer app which has a free version. There are lots of apps out there, but I find the free version of this helpful to start the day. Also, when I saw the practice nurse last year, she advised to try and set aside some time to do something nice and relaxing for bit during the day to help you feel better. Hope you soon feel a bit better and you’ll have your husband back with you.

[S4ndy]

The past is done, there's no benefit to going over it as it cannot be changed. The future is not written yet so no need to worry about it as that won't influence it. Enjoy the present it is a gift! There is only now, enjoy the gift and live each day to the full. Not my words but those of a Buddhist Master. It's not easy but I try to live like this x

[Pixix]

Wondering if you’ve had any professional help…or perhaps repeat the help you had when diagnosed with ME/CFS? It doesn’t matter how many of us tell you the past is done, look forward..if you’re unable to do that, & it’s getting you upset every day, then i think you need to look for support. Today, it’s snowing heavily, & I miss my Dad so much. Since he died I haven’t been able to listen to any of the classical music we loved together, or play the piano. But I’ve accepted that for a while, & chosen other hobbies etc. it takes work to be positive, I work at it every day. If I did what I feel like, I’d stay in bed every day. Don’t think those of us who sound positive always are…well, I’m not, anyway!! Make a plan, something small, but something to look forward to…then look forward to that, not backward!! Just an idea..