There's a big decision that we all need to vote upon across the Country tonight in the PMR , GCA and Chronic Pain Community.
No! I'm not talking about the 'E' word or even the 'B' word ( shudder!!) We have bigger mince pies to burn here , it's the decision as to whether we should go or not go to the Big School Show!
So , before I give you some tips to help make that choice a little easier , I thought I would offer a little light hearted fun with a page from the fictitious Manual called, ' The Primary Teachers School Play Handbook'. Just in case you have ever wondered how they chose to use certain children in particular roles , and keep the comic traditions of the School Nativity alive.....
How to put on a Nativity Play : Cast Considerations
Mary : must be blonde , sweet , and above all quiet , even when poked in the eye with an Angels wing . For some unknown reason you are required to choose the least Hebrew looking child in the class. Good balancing skills are also useful if she is required to ride a donkey.
Joseph: Tall , popular , good looking if possible. Try not to choose a boy with bad toilet control and Restless Leg Syndrome unless it is part of your Directorial Style. Strength required if he is needed to hold Mary up on a donkey.
Kings : The clever , well behaved kids that can pronounce frankincense and myrrh and won't be tempted to open the gifts or use their crowns as a Frisbee but can't be trusted to be on stage too long without trying to steal the Baby.
Shepherd's: Cute but Quiet children whom can be trusted to sit or stand without scratching or wiggling for the loo , preferably with a bigger head so they aren't blinded by a politically incorrect teatowel.
Sheep: Children with no known allergies ( do a costume test in advance) and excellent toilet control , you want kids that can look cute in wool but not scratch so much that they look like they have a bout of Fluke.
Angels / Cherubs : The Sweet Talented Athletes that can be trained to walk around the stage in sharp formation and not let the team down by running off to hug their Mum and in doing so poke a Shepherds eye out with a wing.
Innkeeper: Loud Voice and a particularly cheeky smirk with perfect comic timing. The Class Joker whom can carry off a scene with some classic improv. when Joseph forgets his only line.
Angel Gabriel / Narrator : The multitasker and likeable Class Swot capable of singing a bit and learning lines with panache. Responsible enough to guide Cherubs or Shepherds across the stage if they get lost without looking like they are throwing people with Godlike Fury into the Bowels of Hell. Capable of wearing unfeasibly large wings and a halo and not falling off a podium or impaling Mary.
Herod: The Future Oscar winner , World Leader or Sociopathic Criminal Genius ( only time will tell!) Perfect for the role of villain but , along with his soldiers , should not be trusted with any weaponry more dangerous than a blunt , rubber sword.
The Star: Each and every one of them . Big role or supporting part , dizzy chicken or aubergine . There's nothing that resounds in the memories of Christmas , no matter what religion or Culture you may lead , whether Actor to Audience , more than the Magic of the School Nativity.
Now , you are hopefully relaxed enough to reach your decision on attending the Big Show , Concert , Pantomime or Infamous Nativity.
Aunty Bees advice is this.
TIPS FOR NOT GOING GUILT FREE
If you are only 50/50 now , or feel run down , Don't Go. There's nothing that brings on a Christmas Chest Infection or UTI quicker than sitting in a draughty room or hall on a purgatorial bony chair. This is especially true if you have more than one show to go to. Better to go to none , than have one child left out as you caught your Death attending the events of another one.
This choice can not only be Guilt and Stress Free but actually begin a lovely new Christmas Tradition. Just tell them as soon as possible with cheer that you won't be able to attend but you really hope that they will come to see you and put on a show just for You instead. You can get them to talk your through the photos that their parents will take of their big debut , hear the songs and actually help remind them that it was Fun too. Plus , many, many schools tape DVDs of the Show to raise extra funds , so you can buy one of those to give some support and enjoy with the Children or Grandchildren cuddled up together on the sofa instead. Perfect Compromise for All.
TIPS FOR A VOTE TO GO
Here's some tips I have used over the years to make going to these performances PMR, GCA and Chronic Pain Friendly.
Get someone to reserve your seats because if your Health issues.
Reserved seats you can arrive just before the start and not have the agony of a half hour wait for things to get going.
Get them near the back and with an end of row seat. It may not be the best view , but allows you room to move in your seat and get up and go out without being seen if you need to.
Take a cushion and a small blanket and keep your coat on unless it's piping hot. Don't be embarrassed , in half an hour on those Chairs of Satan every Healthy Person in the place will wish they did the same.
Take a bottle of water , polos , these sipped and sucked throughout reduce nausea, palpitations and dizziness , and a small flask with a hot drink to hold off those infections or numb hands if you feel even a bit shivery . No body will see , you are sat on the end.
Take sunglasses if you suffer headaches and migraines . I wear mine all the time at shows when the lights get too bright and flashy.
Most importantly , do not hang around at the end to eat hard mince pies and drink bad mulled wine with people you have never met . Say a quick goodbye to your little star and get out of the Carpark without a queue to your comfy home.
So , now like any serious vote , it's up to you , not your Children , Grandchildren or anybody else whom wants to give an opinion. The only opinion that counts is Yours and the PMR or GCA of course.
Hope this helps you give the support you can to all the little ones on the road to Stardom , and , as I didn't want to put up a photo without asking permission of my poor children and their chums , so I have included a less festive photo of Merry Folk that I have named "When Nativity goes Bad!"
Hugs , and please Don't Break a Leg Folks , Aunty Bee De Mille ( Get it !!) 😎😋😁😘
PS Please tell us all which part you played , your funniest audience moment or have a guess at what role you think was played by Aunty Bee! ( Keep it clean children are present!😋😂😂😂)
