Golden Years - At 60?: Don't know about you but... - PMRGCAuk

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Golden Years - At 60?

Don't know about you but, with my 60th b'day on the horizon, I personally feel a bit aggrieved that my 'golden years' have come a bit sooner than I had anticipated thanks to PMR, persistent UTI's, prematurely broken bones, deathly fatigue etc

I read this poem at the end of my Mum's ulogy to demonstrate the attitude and sense of humour that she maintained even at the age of 92! I try to take a leaf out of her book. She shared it with me when she was in her seventies and I can picture her now crying with laughter. Happy memories. Hope it makes you chuckle.

Wishing you a happy bank holiday weekend

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Hi,

As another one in their seventies - it’s not all bad!

You don’t have the angst of a teenager,

the worries of a young family/mortgage,

the trials of working for some horrible boss (well most of us don’t) -

People expect you to be forgetful - and even if you’re not - it’s comes in handy sometimes!

You know what clothes and make up suits you, and you wear it to please you primarily!

You are more inclined to, and get away with, speaking your mind (although some of us always have !) - you are likely to be thought of as a batty old woman and ignored!

You can still have new joints (although medical not recreational!)

Just enjoy what’s left- get on and SKI (spend the kids inheritance) and let somebody else do the worrying!😳

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That's what I call a 'balsy' attitude DL :) my Mum would have got on with you like a house on fire! You rock! (Maybe the medicinal joint helps LOL) x

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I'm with you DL!!

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Me too. SKI ing going well!

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Rock On DL!

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I certainly still have all the worries. I worry about my kids still. I worry about money. I worry about my health. I have anxiety issues. I hate getting old.

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I’m very sorry to hear that.

Please don’t think I don’t worry sometimes, of course I do - I am a mother, and grandmother - but I am fortunate in that I am not “a worrier” as you obviously are.

I know what I say won’t make any difference to how you are, but to be honest - there is no point in worrying excessively about things - if you can do something about a problem then do, if you can’t do anything, then get somebody else to sort it out! If no one can sort it, then it can’t be sorted!

Worrying about is not going to make it better, or you, it will just make you feel ill. But I realise that you probably can’t help it.

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I never used to be. I was always very strong then something bad happened in the family which has left me with this worry. This has got so much worse over the years to the extent that I sometimes feel I will have a heart attack with it. I hate this feeling.

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Have you spoken to doctor about how you feel.?

My late husband, after he’d had heart surgery (previously been healthy outdoors guy), felt like you do. He had a few sessions of CBT - which he did admit did help him - he was very sceptical before, but sometimes you just need to talk to someone outside your family or friends.

You’ve sought medical help for your PMR, there’s no difference in seeking help for your anxiety. Please do.

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I am 70 this year. I am in

Spain and it would be hard to talk to a Spanish doctor about this.

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Ok. Didn’t know you lived in Spain.

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Hi Glynis, if you can't find an English speaking Dr, a psychologist could help with cognitive behavioural therapy. I have been using it for years combined with meds. It's important for your physical health as well as mental health. Here's a website for English speaking therapists in Spain. I don't know where you are but there may be one nearby. Even if you rang one to find out if they work with or get referrals from English speaking drs. There's probably a website for drs too. Worth checking.

internationaltherapistdirec...

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Thank you but nothing anywhere near me in Cadiz. It is a very Spanish area.

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I believe there are also online options - way outside my field I fear but maybe someone can help with how to find them. They are even about to roll out using Skype in the NHS.

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It's worth having a read of this. It's more grounded that some you find on the internet. Do you know a Spanish speaker that you trust enough to go with you?

nhs.uk/conditions/stress-an...

And here are the details of a surgery/clinic that provide interpreters in Cadiz.

eshaspain.org/directory/lis...

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A friend of mine said when she retired she would sell the house and permanently cruise the world. She said there is always a doctor on board, you get three nice meals a day, entertainment in the evening, a lot of sunshine and are always visiting new places! Not a bad idea actually!

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Hi DL, great to see you getting on with life since your excursion to NZ. Polly and I are off to Sri Lanka in July, not good timing but fingers crossed! Cheers John

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Hi, and you as well! Hope you and Polly have a great (and safe) time. DL.

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I’m thankful for the medical, recreational and orthopaedic joints! Thanks for your wise words DL.

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Love your attitude. Life is only what you make of it. When you awake in the morning it will be your choice what kind of day you are going to have no one else’s. I have a 47 year old daughter who is challenged and has Parkinson’s. She is right now doing her exercises with her Dad. As I sit at the dinner table and listen to her knife banging the table from her constant tremor I say to myself what is putting up with pain from PMR. Her speech is now deteriorating and I do not worry what will be next as I have no control on it. I just plan on making the best of every day. My Mother was from Leeds and came to Canada as a war bride and she said there is no sense in worrying about things that have not happened yet. As she was passing she lay in her bed and said she had had a good run and the only thing she wished was whoever was coming to get her would they hurry up and get there. English women are taught to be strong and I always have admired that in my Mom. So remember yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery so just enjoy today! I will be 72 in a few weeks.

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So agree with you and your mom.

Sorry to hear about your daughter, my sister in law had Parkinson’s- but much later in life, I know my brother found things very difficult. Unfortunately, he died first, so she ended up in care.

As you say ...tomorrow’s a mystery...sometimes better we don’t know! So enjoy today.

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Now there's a dilema!

I love the poem and it made me laugh, and I agree with all DL says, but I also identify with you. I gave up much of my time to look after my parents at about your age, thinking there will be time later they need me now. Now 10 years later I have been rewarded with PMR and I'm still waiting to do many of the things I expected to do in retirement, and I know I will never see my fifties again however much better I feel.

There are days when DL's positive attitude is difficult to attain.

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PS. I printed it out for my husband because he complains about most of those things every day! It even made him laugh. Thanks!

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I can imagine him finding the poem funny. If.you want to do more exciting things I can always organise a parachute jump or something similar instead of coffee and fabric.shopping!!

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I'm glad OH had a giggle. My mum always said laughter was the best tonic. :) :) :)

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Would you have done things differently if you had had a crystal ball? Even with hindsight and knowing that my stressful lifestyle was probably at the root of my falling foul of PMR, I wouldn't have changed the choices I made. Guess I'm lucky in the respect that I have no regrets.

I used to have a plague in my office when I was a Headteacher with the serenity prayer; 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference'. I learnt to apply this at work. I am also trying to apply it to life with PMR. It does help me maintain a more positive perspective especially when I feel as if I am sinking.

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You know, I saw that poem not long ago and wondered why it was so familier. It probably was a headteachers office now you say!

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That poem helps me sort out life and frees me from worry. Thanks for posting it. A favorite...

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I sometimes feel exactly as you have described Scats. At 57, having had PMR around 1.5 years, I can’t help but estimate it will be around at least till I’m 60. Will never get the 50s back the way I envisioned them after taking early retirement at age 55. In fact, I only had 2 weeks of official retirement before PMR struck. I still miss all the activities I cannot do with OH, and am reminded now that the warm weather is here again. Off he goes golfing, playing tennis, and last week a trip to NYC.

I try my best to not let my health situation get me down as this attitude rubs off on my interactions with others. The other day I said I felt sorry for him having to live out his retirement as a healthy active fit person partaking in activities with others, travelling with others, less sex, constantly gauging how I’m doing and doing way more around the house. We used to be a team.

He looked at me and said “I feel sorry for US, not me”

But we persevere because like DL mentioned, if you can’t control/change things, accepting that is key. I have grown to accept my situation, however it doesn’t stop me from feeling sad about it at times.

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It's always a balance isn't it? I had a lot of pain for two months and was living at 20% of life.. Got treatment for hip inpingement. Pain gone.. now at 80%, which I haven't seen for years. I was thankful when I was at 50%.. But 20% was a poor quality of life. I'm enjoying it while it lasts. At 7 and feel almost normal.

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I must admit I was feeling low yesterday when I wrote that reply. I am usually quite happy pottering around the garden, but I am also very aware that we are both at a stage now where things we had planned are no longer going to be possible. When we were young we had the energy but not the money to do things. Now we have the money and the time but not the stamina. Such, as they say, is life. I am lucky that there are still small things that give me pleasure.

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No longer possible ...yet scats. Don't map out your whole future based on as you feel now. 🌻

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Let's hope you're right. Here's to a new future!

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🥂

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Strangely, it has been less the PMR that has dragged me down but the two serious add-ons that appeared, one 6 years ago and once just recently, In both cases the PMR hit hard because it flared, but it was something else that was worse because I had to learn to live with it, I'd already conquered the PMR

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Actually it's not just the PMR with me either, it's a combination of things .that can leave you feeling not in control

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Welcome to the 60's decade. I hope the 50's decade wasn't too rough. I read somewhere... if you survive the 50's you are on your way. I forget where.

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Let me know where when you remember. ...... :) :) :)

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My intention as i got older was to make my children's life hell. I was going to insist on sitting in the shopping trolley even though I am far to big to fit, run my hand against all the wine bottles on the shelf in the supermarket and make them fall, lay on the floor out in public having a screaming tantrum and basically all the other annoying things they did in their younger years. (Maybe not the underage tattoo my youngest got herself). So as old age has come early with pmr I am off to annoy my daughters.

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Bet you won't be able to do it!!😂😂

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It sounds good in my head but whether I can actually do it is another matter. Mind you its going to take a couple of people just to lever me imto the trolley!! The laying on the floor having a tantrum is probably a more realistic challenge!!

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You might never get up again ...

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Oh sod it I forgot about having to get back up again!! Will have to just waddle through sainsburys knocking bottles of wine over!! But even that has its downside as the girls would have no hesitation in telling the staff I had to pay for all breakage!!

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Not to mention the waste of good wine!

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Hmmm could I not just sit on a shelf and guzzle wine? The girls would still be embarrassed!! Especially if it was eldests OH that came in to arrest me!! I might just have to make do with trolley riding in the car park at night as long as I can get in one. Me, my trolley and wine, now what more could I wish for?

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Tell you what! Just show the girls this post (with all it's answers) - that'll learn em!😂 Just be careful they don't call the men in white coats!🙃🙃

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If the men in white coats came I might voluntarily go with them just for a rest from the family!! They already think i am mad.

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You remind me of the programme 'Off Their Rockers!' Have you ever seen it? My Mum introduced me to it and from then on we would watch it together laughing hysterically from start to finish. If you haven't seen it you can watch some of the classic pranks on UTUBE. Have to say I prefer the UK version.

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Will check it out!!

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My no.1 done got himself an underage tattoo. The conversation- " What's that on your shoulder?" "A tattoo" "I can see it's a tattoo, but what is it?" " A worm?" "A worm? Why did you get a worm?" "Cos I didn't have enough money for snake."

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Brilliant!

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Oh bless!! My youngests was on her stomach and stayed hidden until her friends mentioned it in front of her dad!! Apparently the boyfriend designed it!! Best bit is shes now decided 10 years later that she doesnt like it and is having it removed!! Oh and the boyfriend was blown out about 3 months later!!

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Oh dear, hope the removal isn't painful! Worst is my son went on to have a can can dancer on his calf.....and as his calf "matured" do did shr. The last time I saw her she looked like a blousey old trout....no anti feminism intended, it come from a Paddie Roberts song.....and is it blousie/ blousy/ or blousey? Predictive text says blousy.....

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The youngests was a flowery design that went across her tummy. As she is still only 7 stone at 25 it hasnt changed much but it is very obvious when she wears a bikini. She had her first treatment last week and although it was painful it only lasted a few seconds. She has a couple of other ones that are less in your face!! Not sure what the correct spelling of blousy!!

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I thought you were saying she was 7 at first. Then I read again.phew!

Had I been young now I may have been tempted, my inner punk might have taken control. But all I think now is if I had had one in my youth, the skin changes for weight and age would render it unrecognisable!

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Oh God yes!! Can you imagine us all with stretched out tattoos laying on our towels by the side of a pool!! People walking past trying to work out what the tattoo was!!

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“Blousey old trout”. Oh the descriptions and terms used are SO funny (says this Canadian). Now THAT made me giggle!

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Pleased you like it - use it carefully!!!! And out of hearing distance.....

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😂😂😂

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Warning

This is worth watching.

A smile is worth a thousand medications friends

There is eventually a light at the end of that PMR tunnel.

Hugs 🤗

YuliK

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Love this poem

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Lovely - thank you

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Thanks for that Yulik. I mentioned it earlier but don't have your tech skills. I seem to remember it inspired a group called the Red Hat Brigade or something similar.

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I love that poem and had a purple party for my 50th.

Now I am also about to be 60 and most of my 50’s have been spent in pain and restrictions on my life- 7 plus years of PMR and 4 plus years of serious OA in 3 joints. I am hoping for freedom in my 60’s!

At least one parent has died now and the other has dementia but has live in care so I don’t have to do much. My son is getting married in June and my daughter married last year. I am really hoping to be well when grandchildren arrive in a few years’ time.

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Even if you are still limited by pmr you can do what I decided to do when the disease hit. I chose to spend whatever good time I had with my precious 7 year old grandson and sod the rest of the family/world/housework. Daughters are.grown up, husband doesnt need too much attention, if no one writes in the dust then I am happy with doing no housework and i dont care what anyone outside of my family and close friends think. Do whatever makes you happy.

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stolen from 'when harry met sally' ...'yes..oh yes.. yes yes yeesssss' - like your style aka attitude xox

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Hi Suzy. At Christmas I had an accident that really threw my life upside down. Especially in respect of my interactions with my, then two month old, first grandchild. I was in despair and felt cheated that I couldn't hold him, feed him, change him etc. If you click on my icon you can read my post of desperation. I was much supported at the time from this community.

Time has healed my injury to a sufficient degree that now he is older I am able to do those things with a little jiggery, pokery and adaptation. Where there is a will there is a way.

My inability in some aspects has made me focus on other aspects. My Grandson already enjoys books and stories, we 'talk' alot and he smiles and starts to dance (wriggle) everytime I sing to him. The icing on the cake is that when Nanny arrives he beams and holds out his arms to me. So think positive Suzy. I am sure that, whatever your circumstances when grandchildren come along, you too will find the way that suits you.

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Yes, the only way is to keep going and make the most of what is rather than what may be or may not be.

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I was going to ask how your shoulder is, but it's good to read that it's on the mend sufficiently to allow you enjoy your bundle of love!

PMR arrived when I was 68 and has crept into my 70s - let's hope it leaves us both with time to spend in the decades that are left to us. Both my parents lived into their 90s!

PS I loved the 'plague' on your office wall.....! (Please don't edit it!) I have it on a card above my computer, as I write this.

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Hi Rugger. I knew I spelt it wrong but had an absolute block. Still have. Couldn't google for spelling either since to Google it you need to spell it ha ha. Please put me out of my misery!

Thank you for your concern re shoulder. I can't repetitively keep picking our Lenny up, so it wouldn't be safe for me to be sole minder at present, but I am getting there thanks to hydrotherapy. I can now extend and raise arm forwards and upwards to about 45 degrees. This has made a significant positive difference to my independence. My consultant reckons maximum will be 90 degrees post surgery, so I am half way there.

My physiotherapist has agreed to another five sessions of hydrotherapy since it made such a positive difference. These will start after my extended weekend break to Vienna this coming b'day weekend. OH has also booked a Strauss concert. Will be taking my V pillow, which has been an absolute Godsend. X

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Just spin the 'g' round to a 'q' = Plaque! Blame it on pred head!

I used to be a good speller, but have to have a dictionary at my side these days.

Have a great time in Vienna. x

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Thank you. I can sleep easier in my bed tonight!

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I develop dyslexia with a PMR flare!!!!!!! Not when reading, just when writing ...

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I have typing dyslexia! If I am hand writing the brain has time to process instructions and the brain to hand cocoordination works in synchronisation. When typing at speed the typing is quicker than the brain. I usually get the letters in a word right but in a mixed order. Wierd!

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I have 10 words minimum everyday that I type several times until it looks right. Not hard words either. Just common and garden words like allowed....or aloud or alowed. It was allowed but that took me a few minutes.

Enjoy hols.

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and 'yessss' from me too xx

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"Getting old is not for sissies" - Bette Davis

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I love the SKI part !!

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Me too.OH and I have decided to sell up and rent so that we can SKI. We can help the kids sooner rather than later too. You only live once.

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We help both by being their landlords - neither are in a position to buy even if we gave them money. We did try with the help to buy gubmint scheme but they were turned down. It stank to high heaven but what could you do? Their rent is part of our income. Win, win. And WE have full control - unlike these dreadful equity release schemes where no-one has anything at the end either.

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There is also a scheme for the over 60s near us 'Home Wise' to buy a lease for life. This means buying a property say £100,000 below market value. So for example we buy a property for £250.000 and it's value is £350,000. You can move properties within the scheme. However the drawback is that they take 50 % of what you paid in when you pull out of the scheme. So it would cost you £125,000 or it would come off the kids inheritance! Be blowed if the fruits of my years of hard work goes into the pockets of others outside the family. I would much rather spend it enjoying myself while I can.

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The real SKI flat we live in - actually bought to make skiing holidays easier - has increased in value since we bought it 15 years ago, unlike anything we own in the UK probably, and Brexit and the effect on the exchange rate has increased the effect considerably. Our living costs are far lower than in the UK - IRO 400 euros or so per YEAR for all heating and utilities I believe. Barely need heating - let the neighbours heat their spaces and share with us ;) All necessary facilities within 10 mins walk (5 on a good day), excellent disabled accessible public transport to the hospital same distance. Weather usually better than the UK (this May excepted), food and wine also top notch. What more could you want?

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Love the poem

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I embarrassed my granddaughter. Curry’s was playing a catchy tune and I started to jig up and down. Stop it Nanny she said you are embarrassing me. She is only 11. I told her she could have a miserable Nanny if she liked. She didn’t say anything else but she did move away

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I used to do the same with my children. The more embarrassed they became the more I did it. Does that make me a terrible mother? Come to think of it they were very similar in age to your grandchild at the time. Eleven year olds are sooooo serious!

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Just noticed your username. Very apt methinks. I can just picture you doing the twist and shout down the aisles when shopping. :) :) :)

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I used to all the embarrassing stuff with my two closest neices. Sort of like the mad aunty. It was so much fun. My fave thing about getting older is my shy temperament has had sharp corners rubbed off. I am shy myself but if I could embarrass them I loved it.

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I make many people laugh. Never give up.

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Marilyn, don’t worry. If you are only just coming up to 60, and as we have all learnt, the average time for PMR is 5.9 years, you have a good chance of being shot of it long long before the following Big O. You’ve had a rotten time this last year, which must make it seem worse, but you are also the strong woman who masterminded a concert not long after diagnosis, if I remember correctly?

I’m 72 now, and last month did a short run at 2 local theatres, in which I was on stage for the whole two and a half hours, and at one point had to fall to my knees (that was bad enough, but it was the getting back up that nearly finished me. The Director had to sort a workaround for that!).

I’d spent since February desperately trying to get my remaining brain cell to learn all those flaming lines!

That was April. May has been spent exhausted, painfully aching and mainly falling asleep. Lord knows when I’ll feel back to how I was in March, pre performance. BUT, it was the most challenging role I’ve ever had, I’ll never have another opportunity like that, and I don’t regret a moment. AngiejNZ would understand and I reckon you will too. Golden Years come in all shapes and sizes.

So, much as I love the poem, just think ahead, because I really hope your Golden Years will be in your mid 60s when PMR has either gone or reduced so much you will be back running concerts all over the place, and having a wonderful time with your grandchildren!

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I'M so pleased you were able to perform. What play/ musical? What part? And to learn your lines....... IMPRESSIVE! Congrats!

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Musical? Can’t sing a note in tune! I’ll leave all the musical stuff to you...

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Thank you so much for sharing this poem Marilyn! I really needed a giggle this morning.

It’s not the overall aging process that I struggle with (although I am only 57), rather the PMR that is complicating and feels like advancing the aging process prematurely. I can embrace the frequent trips to the bathroom, wrinkles, even a pending knee replacement. It’s the way PMR sometimes makes me feel like an “old lady” at my current age that is frustrating!

Agreed, humour is vital, and I’ve been missing my hubby’s wit this past week while he was enjoying a trip to NYC with is daughter, sister, BIL. I was invited but knew I’d never be able to keep up with the walking, and up 6 flights of stairs to the lift they stayed in. Yes, I feel bad for missing the trip, but strongly suggested my hubby go and at least be able to enjoy his retirement (even if I’m not). I am glad he has a golf and tennis partner too.....but still sad it’s not me.

Humour these days is most welcome and certainly needed. Your mom sounds like a fabulous woman.....my kind of lady! Keep smiling, laughing, and giggling. So good for the soul.

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Must have been a bit crowded in the lift ...

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In my early 70s, and having had PMR since 2002, I am having more fun now just pleasing myself and doing stuff with my husband (of fifty years). I am an artist and now am exploring new techniques and reviving old ones. I can get quite fatigued, so I rest and read. I guess what I am saying is that I need to lead this life I was given to the fullest, no matter that I have aches and pains. I want to be happy and do all I can do.

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yupyup , says it all. i'm looking 77 in the face, with RA which displaced PMR after abt 14 yrs, plus compression fracture of spine and now osteo of hands n wrists...... keep truckin'. xx

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That was fantastic just back from ridge the Ducati feel very old but very alive thank you and to you mum, Mad us both laugh here

Martin x

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Loved that poem, gave me a good laugh. So true when dealing with PMR. Happy Holiday to you & all of us PRM suffers.

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Well I have to admit , most of you young ladies seem to be handling PMR very well. and blimey, not one complaint regarding aches and pains ...👏👏👏👏you are a great bunch. Bless

YuliK. Aged 76

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It did. Thank you. I was diagnosed in my forties. Except it took a long time to get that diagnosis. They said I was too young. Prednisone prove them wrong. I'm praying for comfort for you and minimal pain. It just stinks.

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Fabulous poem and what a great age your Mum lived to! Like you I’m a bit fed up with this PMR (3 relapses over 3 years) and deathly fatigue and to top it all fractured a vertebra in my back falling downstairs last year so now have pains which not entirely sure if they are PMR or not! Had a nice healthy active lifestyle till this illness sought me out at the age of 65 but like you I’m going to adopt a “kiss my ass” attitude! Happy Holiday!

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My dad always said “Golden years, my a$$.... scrap metal is more like it”

True.. some older folks are lucky to have good health.. I remind myself how lucky I am for any good moment that comes my way.

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Love the poem, made me laugh. I had my 70th in March a few weeks after being diagnosed with GCA/Pmr. So glad it was not worse, although bad enough and still struggling to come to terms with it all. At least I am still alive and able to SKI.

Stay positive and enjoy the bank holiday.

Love to all xc

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Poem is a keeper...thanks for sharing, and hang in there!

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I enjoyed the poem but I,m rising 83 and even with PMR it isn’t that bad! Still glad to be alive, even if I do get exhausted and have to pace myself, not always successfully. But hang on in there Marilyn1959 - things may improve- I do hope so.

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