My ever so ever loving husband had the bravery to ask me this morning “you know the Pred you are taking? Does it cause you to have a short temper?!!!
I was silent for a little while and just stared at the jerk who had migrated into my normally understanding and with it husband!!
Do I kill him now and try just passing it off as an accident? Nope can’t do that as 6 year old grandson is here and he will tell my policeman son in law (his dad) the truth. Can I get hold of some indiscernible poison and try getting rid of him slowly? Effective but too bloody slow for my liking.
I decided to burst into tears. Not intentionally but it happened and I couldn’t believe he hadn’t listened to every god damn thing I have about pmr for the last 4 weeks. Granted I have gone on about it but you would have thought he had the intelligence to know what was an important ramble and which wasn’t!!!
He is still alive but this is a reprieve and can be taken back at any stage. I haven’t decided on a suitable punishment yet but all ideas will be considered.
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Yellowbluebell
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My husband often asks "is that you or the prednisone speaking?" I have to give him his due--in retrospect. With us, there are two kinds of not listening: illness-related and old-age and a-lifetime-spent-together related. You made me smile. I hope you can laugh through the tears. 😄😏😊
I agree it might be due to the fact we have been together for 33 years and sometimes tune out and also I have gone on about pmr for weeks! Bless him though because as I stayed quiet for a while he moved up the settee and had our grandson sit on his knee!! I obviously scared him!!
I love him but sometime think an alien took over his body during the night. I was never good at dealing with idiots before pmr god help them now. There are a few judges I have had to deal with during my legal career that I would love to meet again and tell them what I really think of them with the Pred on board!! I would spend a lot of time in the cells.
Yellow they deserve it, some of them. Judges can be a strange breed. I know two socially and they can be rather alarming in their views. So you yelling might do some good xxx
I actuallly got pulled from a case because my boss knew I didn’t get on with the judge and she said she couldn’t afford to have me in the cells for as long as it would take for me to apologise. I wouldn’t have so she prob did right thing! Must admit though I do miss the fight now and again!!
Me too after 41.years...they change over the years....as I know we do, add pred, sometimes very hard, but even though I am more direct and blunt now....short of patience, I just give him one of my looks and he is out of the way fast.......don't know what he thinks I'm going to do, but it works......not easy sometimes!......better in the summer though...escape to my summerhouse!......oh dear, can't do that now!😕
Obviously not long enough!! 33 years and counting but often feels like 50 like earlier today. He’s really good normally but obviously he lost his mind momentarily
When I'm in the middle of having a rant my husband always asks"and how many pred are you on now?" Or "what's the matter with you"😲It just winds me up even more!😠
Oh that would really make me rant. To be honest he’s really lucky I didn’t send him to share with the rabbit, but it wouldnt be fair on the poor bunny!!
This is exactly what my oh says. Or ' are you reducing again?' I wouldn't mind but he has not read anything about PMR has just picked up bits from visits with me to the Rhuemy and views my membership with this forum with great suspicion.
I have the perfect punishment for him. A month of living with me. Worse than a year on Alcatraz I reckon.
Seriously I am sorry sweetheart. It’s very hard to feel we have not been heard or understood. Increases the feeling of being alone with the illness. Hope you sort it out with him xxxxx
Have you been to Alcatraz? It is on a beautiful island in San Francisco Bay with a breathtaking view. A bit rundown, but it was actually for sale at one point and I had friends who thought of buying it and making an artists' compound. Does that sound like you?
After an exchange with my daughter, here to care for me post op supposedly, had deteriorated into them both saying I should be “ nicer to dad”..... my husband of 50 years, 2 months and 16 days. With tears sprouting I said “ you should be in my shoes for a day”. If I could, I would have stormed out of the room and slammed a door.......but I could not reach my crutches without help.........b....y body!You have to laugh. Empathy only lasts so long......pain outlasts it. This too shall pass.
Mine always gang up on me whilst dad ( Saint like) chops the veg. For one of his delicious creations. He knows where my buttons are and as the youngest of three he has perfected the art of getting others into trouble.
My daughter has just left for 350 mile drive home in the car we have sold to her.......still waiting the money!......a 2 yr old Kia SUV automatic with all the bells and whistles.....a luxury for her after her clapped out VW. Just me and him now! I’ve asked him to stop shouting at me! I got the response ME! Better if we use different rooms today. I slept in lounge last night after he moaned at wriggling at 1am.
Oh, happy days. Good to have ‘friends’ to share with. Valerie
My answer would have been , " Yes, and you are about to see how short you total arse!"
Or, to the grandson,
" Call the Constable , I am about to kill your Grandfather!"
( and may I say even before illness my husband's occasional unbelievable but apparently well intentioned insensitivity would receive this comment with Father substituted in the above.)
My husband has not got used to the over the shoulder look ( it is over the shoulder because they always ask stupid questions at a distance when your back is turned) .
So he even answers it now with my other too often required comment,
" I know , I'm trying , I'm very, very trying."
I have thought of maybe 1001 ways to kill my husband ( and the odd friend or family member ) and get away with it over the 20 years we have been together. Most of which I couldn't manage now with the stiffness and pain ( perhaps I could find an accomplice?).
The only thing that stopped his premature demise was the thought that he meant well , he was stupid and insensitive beyond belief in the way he meant well , but at least he was trying...... Very, Very , Trying!!!!!
Loved your post . Would you like to borrow that Apple Bobbing Barrel ?
Ohhhhh yessss I does indeedy .but so do many other things and I will not have you dear husband in my case of 46 years blame the pred for you having annoyed me . I think it has made me more honest although less tolerant . Maybe this is the real me .I should have had it years ago (snort) I would have been able to say what I thought and ground my teeth less hahaha oh well better late than never .
Ha! Must just be a feminine experience all this rage! Me! I'm just wonderful! I don't upset
We all know women who can be just as insensitive and infuriating as well , it's just we don't have to live with them!
I have one friend whose exercise regime has consisted of lifting pints forcthexlast 20 years ( and she's not a milk lady!!) , who consistently tells me ( a previous exercise junkie) it will go away if I stretch more , and another who asked why I took the pills if it made me feel so sad and I should give them up to get my cheekbones back! Women are not immune to being a total dullard either!
The men folk get short tempered too , even without the Pred, I hide under stuff with my kids when my husband attempts to make cheese on toast or put up a shelf , how the sparks and expletives fly!!
I would probably be up for murdern if my friends had said exercise more or don’t take tablets. I could bury them with my husband in the veg garden. I have forgiven him but he’s on probation!!
Blimey! All have our stuff Bleary! Great to hear women can be insensitive & infuriating!
I Thought it just me picking up the vibes!!! Thank You!
Ooooooo, I'm just seeing this.... They (sorry guys!!!!!) can be such Neanderthals sometimes. I don't understand the "not listening" thing... When my OH asks me stupid question (like that), I usually ask him how he functions at work??? How does he sit in meeting, or have one to one conversations with someone and then minutes later ask them a stupid question about something that they just told him!!!!!!
He says it does not happen at work... "Ohhhh, so it's just ME you don't listen to?"
Oh my god that is my husband all over!! I know he doesn’t listen when he gives wrong answers to things I have said, like yes when I didn’t ask a question or hmmm when I want an answer. He does it all the time.
I think they deliberately switch off........but I often say "I will say this only once" and when you ask me about it later you can go and whistle!...I will be switched off!...
I suggest he reads the previous posts,and yes the Pred can affect us in many strange ways and being anxious and feeling rather angry at everything ,for example the ongoing Brexit negotiations ,and in your case ‘him’,are just two of them .Good Luck,mine never listened to me either,bless him as he is no longer here.
I’ve told the story here before, so I won’t bore you again but there was an explosive episode with my daughter a while back that she refers to as my “Roid Rage”.
YES, YES, AND YES!!! Thank goodness I live alone. When I speak through clenched teeth, get out of my way!!
Thanks to prednisone I have a very short tolerance level and have let fly a few times. I'm quite amazed at myself since I was the complete opposite. I quite surprise myself sometimes and let rip … but I also found it feels pretty good not to beat about the bush and just get it out there. Perhaps its nature's way of allowing us to unload stress immediately since stress could bring in a relapse.
He isn’t normally and is quite good at ignoring me when he wants but his comment was just asked at the wrong time!! I have forgiven him but put him on probation just in case!! The only other punishment I could think of was him joining the rabbit in the hutch but that seemed a bit unfair.... on the rabbitx
No, she said asking stupid questions... My husband is far from stupid and I'd be in the front row to say it. But he is intensely unpractical - and really does come out with some VERY Dumbo questions/statements at times. Like YBB's OH he picks some inadvisable times too
Like I said earlier I have never suffered fools gladly and when in court have had some slight run ins with idiot judges and other barristers so I cannot blam my total short temper on just the pred to be fair. I have always been slightly firery !!
Oh yes! Roger googled it. Found it was called Roid Rage. He told me what was going on when I slung the car keys at him from a distance and smashed up the electronic thingy. Luckily he is an ace engineer so he was able to fix it.
I’m actually quite grateful I have no OH at home! Until November last year I had the most understanding, long-suffering mother (ex-nurse) who never complained or grumbled at me when I snapped at her or barely spoke to her, and never asked stupid questions. She totally “got it”. I once reduced my dose as I was horrified at the way I’d snapped at her. When she found out, she insisted that I increased it again. She had terminal cancer and I once got stuck on her bed like an upturned beetle and she got out of bed and hauled me up.
I’m now in the position of so many of you. Faced with people who just don’t get it and are infuriating! In the meantime I think I’ll avoid an OH!
They do have their good points as well, mine just lost his marbles for a short time. He is usually quite understanding but I doubt he will ask too many silly questions again!!
Oh my Goodness! Everyone seems so cross with their other halves. That's no way to bake a cake - or do anything else really.
Hopefully you are all just letting off steam.
You have left me wondering whether my lady thinks these things about me. I hope not - I believe not. Hopefully she thinks of me in the same way that I think of her. I hope so - I believe so.
Don’t worry arthur463 we all love our partners, we were just talking how we feel about things and how a quite innocent question can become really upsetting when we think our OHs don’t understand how we are feeling. A lot of people on pred seem to suffer from a bit of a short fuse but that doesn’t mean to say everyone does and maybe you are one of those people who has not had this side effect.
We also use our little rants about life in general to cheer ourselves up or better still to cheer someone else up. If we didn’t laugh we would spend our time sobbing continuously and my other half definitely couldn’t handle that.
I am new to pmr but I know I wouldn’t have handled this disease like I am doing without the laughs I have had from the forum.Debby
Poor Arthur! You don’t know women very well! Those who REALY don’t get on with their OH don’t post on here. We’re a funny lot and, like Debby says “we all love our partners really”.
I hate to say this because the others will find it “yuck”, but I can’t fault my husband (I won’t go into details)!
I have a soft spot in my heart for intimate partners of people with PMR/GCA. They witness us at our worst seeing things others don’t. Their lives are turned upside down as they struggle to adjust the the “new normal” which often includes their partner not resembling the person they know and love.
My OH and I celebrated one year together on Saturday, have been partnered 8 years, and my PMR diagnosis is the biggest challenge we’ve faced together. Each of us has been insensitive at times, but we vowed early on to take space when need be....that has helped. He does all of the heavy lifting in our relationship (literally and figuratively), and has embraced the role of caretaker (not nearly as much fun as partner in crime and passion). We experience loss, as do they. Patience is exercised by both parties (sometimes more one than the other)
Agreed, humour is key. My husband makes me laugh everyday, sometimes every hour. With “pred head” I can’t always find the words I want to communicate a thought and he’s quick to play “fill in the blank” providing inappropriate answers, hilarious!
My husband had a stroke 8 years ago. He is well now and retired and now had to deal with my health issues. Over the course of the last 8 years I would joke with his sister that I wasn’t sure if he was confused because his brain was broken or because he was a man...now I figure it is his turn to deal with it. Thankfully he has some lingering short term memory issues ☺️ I could not imagine getting through this without him!
I gave up work in 2010 as a barrister to care for my husband after he broke his back as a fireman and had to have major neurological surgery. I don’t regret it and whilst he isn’t ever going to be mega fit again we had returned to some normality. He was a bit dumb to ask the question that started this whole discussion off but it wasn’t meant to be nasty he just didn’t put his brain in gear first!!
I totally understand, sometimes it takes their brains a little longer to engage. All the while they have not meant to say anything to make any one feel bad...gotta give mine an “A” for effort. I think this entire PMR/GCA has freakeked him out a bit.
I only started this journey with pmr a month ago so neither of us has totally got what it means to our lives yet!! I have no doubt it intends to throw a load more crap our way but we are strong and will survive as long as we laugh. My OH knew I had posted on the forum about him and was more than happy if it made us all laugh.
Yes, yes, and double yes! Short temper and depression! My daughter had to take it for a rheumatoid condition before she started on a biologic and it was horrible. Now, the doctor put “no prednisone” on her chart.
I took it for 18 months for PMR, but I did fine on it. It helped me a lot!
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