Stress City 2: Well, papers need signing etc, but... - PMRGCAuk

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Stress City 2

HeronNS
HeronNS
β€’46 Replies

Well, papers need signing etc, but we have bought our new home. The list of things which need to be done within the next couple of months is daunting. Heat pump installation (to make it livable), all new flooring. New kitchen, including removing a wall. Upgraded bathrooms. There are two full bathrooms, which I think is silly, and we may only redo one for now, but do it properly, then tackle the second after we've recovered from all this upheaval and expense. So, needless to say, I can't sleep. Woke up this morning and thought about the dogwood tree we planted last year and how pretty it was this spring, and cried, thinking I will not look out of my kitchen window next spring and watch it blooming. The silliest thing, really, but I think I'm grieving not celebrating.

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Congrats! πŸΎπŸŽ‰πŸŽˆ What happened to bite size pieces? Enjoy every small step and remember to breathe!

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to Sandy1947

Have I bitten off more than I can chew? At least this will keep me occupied for a bit!

Thier will be other views and other memoirs to be made in the new Home

think of all the excitement of doing it up .

Choosing Bathroom suites and fittings .

But don't do what I did took a book home to choose Taps only choose bathroom mixer Β£1000 had lights that changed colours didn't even know thay done taps that expensive.

Only one thing that I regret about Bathroom /Wet Room is I never had lighting around bottom of shower ,

So make sure you get it right .

You don't need to do it all at once do you .

After 13 years I still have Kitchen to do but with PMR its going to have to wait .

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to Rose54

Woke up before 5 am today and couldn't get back to sleep. Chose flooring, eco-friendly Marmoleum slate design, will consult with family on colour. And looked at getting blinds instead of the hassle of making new curtains for multiple rooms with huge windows. My kids all have good eye for colour and design, guess who they get that from, so they'll help me make right choices. Hubby will love what we do when it''s finished, but will be thinking pocketbook the whole damn time.... What I say is, we've been saving this money for our old age, when does he think we'll be old enough to use it? When we're non compos mentis in a nursing home?

And I woke up with no morning stiffness, just the usual creaky shoulders which I think are weak from PMR/pred, hopefully will gradually recover. Which reminds me, there's a little dose of pred I forgot to take....

Rose54
Rose54
in reply to HeronNS

Sounds exciting

We are still doing hallway

searched high and low but unable to find wallpaper we like

Waiting for builder to tile porch then bond walls .

Lucky for me he does a bit then lets me have a rest before doing a bit more

I aim to be finished next year

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to Rose54

One of the things we had once upon a time, but since replaced (been here long enough for several iterations of walls and curtains) was Laura Ashley wallpaper. I did find last time that there is so much choice and never just the right thing. And then I saw it, something I would never have thought of but the colour was absolutely perfect. if you can imagine wallpaper with I guess the best way to describe the colour is pastel teal, but not solid, sort of painterly shading but with a subtle pattern of prehistoric-style cattle, and indecipherable words, hard to describe. My daughter was a bit shocked, but said to me after it was up, only in hallway and front porch, that is worked really well. Of course it is now dated and I know son will remove it, and if I were going to be living here I'd be starting to work on a renewal myself.

It is stressful and mixed emotions are just wild! But LIFE!! (try my relaxation at night the last track. sometimes I am so bored by my own voice I fall straight to sleep and the lunatic in my head is knocked out!! ) sounds daunting but if ANYONE will do it and come through with flying colors YOU will!!! Your dogwood will give someone else great pleasure!! and JUST take the advice you'd be giving all of us in the same situation!

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to yogabonnie

Things are always darkest in the hour before dawn. I know my son will be more than happy for us to help look after the garden and it will make his dad happy to do so. At least until the young man has found a partner in life, and household maintenance!

PMRpro
PMRproAmbassador

Take lots of pictures of your view from the kitchen window - and remember, it isn't going away altogether, you can go back and see it.

We have two small bathrooms, one ensuite with a walk-in shower (mine, although OH uses the shower) and one with a bath and shower over it. opening off the hall. OH uses the bathroom so he doesn't disturb me when he comes to bed hours after me. I know people who think separate bathrooms is an essential for marital harmony!

Remind your husband that shrouds don't have pockets. You can't take it with you!

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to PMRpro

Shrouds don't have pockets. Love it! At least with an open balcony we can grow a few salad ingredients. And although I like the results of gardening I usually feel it is a bit like outdoor housework. I think one thing hubby had in mind was being able to leave "something" for the children, but they are all well and truly self sufficient now and all of them would agree we should look after ourselves and not have a care for their future. The world is theirs now, I happily hand the torch on. And I guess we'll leave them "real estate" not money!

PMRpro
PMRproAmbassador
in reply to HeronNS

The more you leave the more the death taxes in most countries! Ours are always telling us to spend more!

Is your new flat one of the ones on the sloping bit of the pyramid? You can have trees on it - people seem to manage it here whatever the winter.

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to PMRpro

We are in that inside corner. The balcony looks right down on a rooftop garden below, which as residents we'll have access to, although we don't do the gardening, at least I don't think so. Only third floor, so will be able to maintain fitness by using stairs coming and going (two flights). I'm sure I get at least 1000 steps a day in the house just going up and downstairs. We looked at 3- bedroom unit higher up, on the front slope, but hated the way they'd done it up inside, it was over half a million dollars and not that nice. And another two bedroom, but it was much too small and dark although beautifully done up and we both liked it. This particular one is nearly as large as the three bedroom and although it needs work we'll be able to get it as we like it. It's the journey between here and there which is scary. And the waiting while we get all the legal and financial ducks in a row before we can get in there and start ripping out old carpet for example!

And, so far, no death taxes!

PMRpro
PMRproAmbassador
in reply to HeronNS

When my mother moved into a condominium there was a patch in front of the building facing the road with the usual evergreen stuff. She asked permission to look after it as her flat had no balcony - so silly as her view was south over the River Tay - and that satisfied her desire to have her hands in soil without being tied to it. She planted flowers as well - it made it much more pleasing to come home to.

Suet3942
Suet3942
in reply to HeronNS

Think my OH will sow pockets on his! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

PMRpro
PMRproAmbassador
in reply to Suet3942

Hope he isn't being cremated then...

I believe moving is on the list of top10 stressors. Of course you are grieving your lovely home that you've put so much of yourself into. But new adventures await and getting it done top to bottom means you won't have to continually be working on something. But with pmr I find I get overwhelmed very easily and I think that's where you are ❀️

A more supportive hubby would be helpful.

Rugger
Rugger
in reply to HeronNS

There again, if he lets you and the children make most of the decisions, it saves you and him arguing over colour schemes and bath taps!

Encourage the 'children' to have a word with him about putting his hand in his pocket and not putting you under so much stress re finances!

I have a cousin - a single male - who didn't spend much money all his working life - just accumulated it. Now, at 70 he's going on holidays all over the world and said that phrase "There are no pockets in shrouds"! Good for him - at last!

Once you are in, I hope things settle down for you both and you'll be able to visit your son to see how the garden is doing.

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to Rugger

It was funny this morning. I showed him the slate look flooring (Marmoleum, eco-friendly choice) and what was his response? We might like it but what would a future buyer think? God help me. We haven't even started and he's already thinking about resale value - which I hope will be the kids' problem, not ours! With a twenty five year warranty and easy cleaning it's a lot better choice than the pale yellowish wall to wall carpet we have to remove.

PMRpro
PMRproAmbassador
in reply to HeronNS

Any future buyer will almost certainly do what you are doing. Anyone who goes to a lot of effort thinking of selling their property in x years time and not using it themselves now is in cloud cuckoo land. Does he want to go out on the street and do a market research survey and then choose what a majority approved of?

I hope you told him that's the kids' problem! At least it sounds as if he liked the flooring, so just go ahead and order it. How old will he be when the warranty expires? ;-)

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to Rugger

Nearly 101!

Rugger
Rugger
in reply to HeronNS

I rest my case! :-D

Hope you can see the stars from your balcony. If not I read that some night vision glasses help. Good luck.

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to scats

I will see sunsets, but the main view is across water to the larger part of the city opposite, so lots of light pollution. Have managed to catch sight of Mars the last little while though, and expect that bright objects will be visible. Not like being in the country though. Last year my daughter took us to a dark sky site and we had a great view of the Milky Way and I saw the Andromeda galaxy. But even that wasn't as spectacular as the dark night skies of my childhood.

sunset over water is a good substitute

It’s huge what you are doing, you need to grieve. The boy you planted in this world will be there though.❀️

If that particular tree and not a replacement is what you want, why not negotiate it's release back into your new garden?. I am sure that a replacement would be more than acceptable to the new owners.

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to Ta1ch1

I'm sure the buyer, my son, will give me visiting rights. 🌳

Ta1ch1
Ta1ch1
in reply to HeronNS

Keeping it in the family then. :)

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to Ta1ch1

This is partly why I'm under so much pressure because the lad has to get a mortgage, which we need him to do so we can afford our place, but he obviously can't move in until our new place is ready, which means at least a couple of months where he'll be paying mortgage and rent.

You'll still see your dogwood next year, isn't your son buying your place?

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to ChrisMcT

I will, but as things are now, one of the features we love about our humble house is as you stand at the kitchen sink washing the dishes you look right out into the garden. In the condo I'll be looking at a tiled backsplash. Not that one spends all day at the kitchen sink, but you do spend time there every day and it's interesting how much pleasure you can get from having a nice view while doing a dull chore.

PMRpro
PMRproAmbassador
in reply to HeronNS

Get a good picture of your tree, have it printed as a poster and put it at the back of the sink behind a clear glass plate. I have a glass plate at the back of my hob - instead of tiles. No grout to go gungy and so easy to clean...

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to PMRpro

When we redid our kitchen years ago I painted a panel of eight tiles to go above the stove. I actually did two different designs. The one I used looks like an Islamic style mosaic. But I also did a picture of bird of paradise flowers, never used. If it fits in the space above the sink in the new place then It could go there. And in the future if we get tired of it we (or future owners) could always scrape the picture off as it's only been baked on in the oven.

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to PMRpro

Oh, and I discovered the benefits of grout sealer. A bit tedious to apply, but well worth the trouble. After years, no grunge in the bathroom (caulking another matter) nor the kitchen.

ChrisMcT
ChrisMcT
in reply to HeronNS

That's the one chore my husband is assigned to, but it's amazing how much he can stuff into the dishwasher. I keep showing him how much nicer the worktops look when polished up with granite cleaner, he agrees but never uses it.

I am 100% with Rugger on this one! Having a pain in the neck grumbling husband is WAY better than one who wants to make the decisions "with" you ... you decide it all! blinds are definitely the way to go rather than curtains I think!! And it all sounds LOVELY and I am so envious as I plow through this WAY too big for us.. but kids visit from abroad..house!!!! Too much STUFF. Oh to be moving into a smaller new place!! Your kids sound terrific. (And husband sounds familiar.)

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to yogabonnie

Oh it's true. I like input and suggestions, but then I like to spend some time just letting my brain work on the information gathered and in this case there isn't really time to do that, nor does my husband have time to take on board what I think should be done.

PMRpro
PMRproAmbassador
in reply to yogabonnie

We decided on small - on the grounds that that and paying for a hotel room or appartment if we had too many visitors or they weren't happy playing sardines was cheaper than big and too much to look after. It has worked fine so far - because the kids aren't able to come a lot and they stay with us. Cooking is basic - and we eat out so they get their Germanic favourites. I don't do Wienerschnitzel - the village restaurants do it so much better!

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to yogabonnie

We have a small house. It was too small when the kids were all teenagers. I think functional living space in condo is similar to the house, but no basement to clutter up. So we aren't downsizing space. I think we're downsizing clutter!

Well the new excitement has begun although it may not seem like that at the moment. So good that your son is buying your house and you'll be able to visit as much as you want. Don't forget the bite sized steps and trying not to plan it all at once. We move in just over a week. I've moved many times before but this time it is different. I tried always , I think, to be super organised but I am trying to take my own advice of one day at a time and making everything as easy as I can by enlisting family and packing service- not my usual style!!!

Many congratulations!

Two bathrooms - bliss!

Sounds like great fun! Just buy a new tree! But I appreciate it must be difficult leaving your home... we plan to in a few years and have been here since we got married 41 years ago; I’m sure I will be one of those silly women who goes round saying goodbye to rooms and hugging walls! Memories....

Enjoy!

Fran πŸ˜‰

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to Fran57

Isn't two bathrooms twice the work to keep clean? A powder room would have been adequate. However in communication with another resident who recently renovated her place, her husband has Parkinson's so they've now got a roll-in shower in one of the bathrooms, and grab bars everywhere. Hadn't thought about things like that, so maybe it would be wise to make one of the bathrooms fully accessible while we're at it. My head is spinning. However it is quite fun looking at new lighting on line, and getting ideas for window coverings, and that kind of thing. Have chosen the flooring, not the colour yet as we need to get samples. Marmoleum, a new (to me) version which looks like stone.

Strangely enough, and happily, despite the hot weather which for a while seemed to be making my osteoarthritis act up, I've been relatively well the last few days, and seem to have successfully landed at 1.5 mg pred. Fingers crossed this is good, as it's taken over a year to get back here since last year's flare.

Know just how you feel. We are moving today and I managed from 7 until 1pm when I found myself walking round in circles. My lovely daughter, who is helping us move told me I had to go off to her house and have sine lunch and a rest. Feel guilty but it’s necessary so I can carry on for the rest of the day. Take care of yourself.

HeronNS
HeronNS
in reply to Gaycreasey

I hope you will be very happy and comfortable once all the work is finished!

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