"Coming back to where you started is not the same... - PMRGCAuk

PMRGCAuk

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"Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” ~ Terry Pratchett

89 Replies

Today I reduced my Prednisolone intake to 60 mg. Woooo Hoooo!

It seems I should be further along, because I started with 60 mg, back on November 13, 2017; but the reality is I've been moving only in circles and find myself back at square one.

The journey has been gruelling and at times intolerable. And I'm not ashamed to say it has broken me more than a few times... but I've learned a few lessons, met some brave, strong, amazing people along the way, and I've discovered a creative side of me I never knew I had!

All in all... Terry was right; I may be back to where I started, but I have travelled far and wide!

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89 Replies
Zofitmogelijk profile image
Zofitmogelijk

Good morning, if that is what it is where you live, you are such a beautiful pearl in the chain of forum followers!

in reply toZofitmogelijk

What an absolutely beautiful thing to say... thank you. Thank you so very much.

Rugger profile image
Rugger

....and what a journey! Well done, Melissa, for getting this far. We're with you all the way.

Yesterday I managed to get to RHS Harlow Carr to see snowdrops and other spring flowers - so uplifting!

x

in reply toRugger

YEEAAH!!!!! Snowdrops!!!!! I managed a walk into town (1.3 miles), a leisurely lunch and took the bus back! Hahahahahahaha!

Rimmy profile image
Rimmy in reply to

Yes always 'lunch' that's MY incentive ...

Hindags profile image
Hindags in reply to

My yard, here in California, is decorated with a bumper crop of volunteer snow drops right now. The plum tree has begun to bloom and the camelias are celebrating the rains of last year. I walk around the back yard and talk to all the plants.

When I feel a bit drained, this is what restores me.

This poem was the core of my mother's philosophy. A glass half full person.

Jenny Kisssed Me: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenny....

in reply toHindags

Lovely poem!!!!

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane in reply toHindags

What a lovely picture you paint of your back yard. I like the poem. My daughter is a Jenny and a joy.

fren profile image
fren in reply toRugger

How lovely to see the snowdrops. We don't see them in our little patch, straight into daffodills before the Christmas lights are down at the end of January. Here at the moment it is mimosa trees and camelias that compliment the daffodils, peach blossom and magnolias on the way.

I don't manage to walk far before the fatigue sets in but there is something about Spring flowers that makes the effort of reaching them so worthwhile.

in reply tofren

Daffodils, mimosa trees, peach blossoms and magnolias... sounds heavenly!

fren profile image
fren in reply to

Oh dear not today, cold, damp and cloudy outside my window.

in reply tofren

Same here in Brighton, UK. There was sun... but it is hiding now. Ahhh well, time for a nap!

Rugger profile image
Rugger

That's encouraging. Good to hear you didn't stay in bed in that silk negligee!

I can't remember when I last walked 1.3 miles - New Year's resolution to walk more MUST be put into action soon - so easy to blame the weather!

in reply toRugger

That silk negligee is calling though...

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR

Round and round we go! It’s like a monopoly board, some squares we win, some squares we don’t. Some squares we get sent to prison :o

You have completed a full circuit, WELL DONE! You can now pass Go and collect £200 and proceed directly to.......... (enter own choice of destination, but remember, only one destination, either the silk negligee shop or the snowdrops. Not both. PMR/GCA won’t allow both ;) )

in reply toSoraya_PMR

OH DRAT! Decisions, decisions, decisions.... soooo difficult!

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane

Hi Melissa, I have been reading T.S. Eliot’s Four Quartets and finding a deeper understanding of the poems than I ever have before.

“We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time

If you or anyone else feels like some balm for the soul, I can highly recommend these poems. Easily found by googling. The above is from Little Gidding, my favourite. 🦋

in reply toSheffieldJane

“We shall not cease from exploration." ...written by a PMR/GCA patient, me thinks!

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane

Whilst reading the above poems, this thread has developed a poetry of its own. Spring flowers make the heart sing!

HeronNS profile image
HeronNS in reply toSheffieldJane

Although written by the same man who wrote "April is the cruelest month...."

in reply toHeronNS

WOW! I have not been expose to poetry... but WOW!

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots with spring rain.

HeronNS profile image
HeronNS in reply to

Compare with Chaucer: "When April with his showers sweet,

The drought of March hath pierced to the root,

And bathed every vine in such liqueur

Of which virtue engendered is the flower...."

HeronNS profile image
HeronNS in reply toHeronNS

poetryfoundation.org/poems/...

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toHeronNS

Which I find find far fairer...

in reply toHeronNS

Hahahahahaha. It figures... I think I prefer the T.S one! Oddly, I can relate to not looking forward to Spring. I get comfortable, self-contained and lackadaisical in the winter... and end up liking the dark, quiet, loneliness. Sometimes I'm just not ready for the longer, lighter days, with all their expectations and activity!

I actually think I suffer from SAD!!!

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply to

I did in the UK - but not here. It isn't light as long in the summer but the winter is far better, especially when it has snowed...

in reply toPMRpro

Where is "here?"

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply to

Half way up a mountain in northern Italy :-)

in reply toPMRpro

Ahhhhhhhhh, lovely!!!!! Amiamo l'Italia ... tutto!

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply to

Ich auch - here is German-speaking...

in reply toPMRpro

Ahhhhhh... Yeah, no can do.

HeronNS profile image
HeronNS in reply toPMRpro

We tend not to think of the UK as being a northern country, perhaps because of the Gulf Stream. I remember when I was on a Baltic cruise a fellow passenger remarked to us that as we were from Nova Scotia we must be used to being so far north. It was then that I understood that we aren't, but the Arctic Current changes everything for us! I believe Halifax is at roughly the same latitude as Nice....

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toHeronNS

In Dundee as students we queued for the cinema at midnight, reading the paper without artificial light, and when we came out at 3.30am it was light again. When we returned to Scotland from Germany I couldn't get the girls to go to bed - we'd had rolldown blinds on their bedrooms and it was pitch dark. Not so in Scotland...

in reply to

I do prefer the shorter days most of the time. It makes me feel like I am not missing much in the winter when my body refuses to be eased except by rest. O don't like the heat so summer can be a nightmare. There were two days last week that were perfect; Sunny and cold with low humidity. Yum.

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply to

T.S.Eliot had suffered a ‘mental breakdown’ and came to Margate to recuperate. I live a few miles from Margate, so it is no wonder to me that the poem is maudlin!

Hidden I think that your take on not looking forward to spring may well have been his meaning, possibly a metaphor for his reemergence from illness?

Personally I’ll take the diversity of April, tempting us with spring flowers, then gusting and gales, rain and sleet. Promising of good times, but warning us that nothing should be taken for granted.

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toSoraya_PMR

Is that a comment on Margate or TSE and his mental breakdown?

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply toPMRpro

Oh....Margate!

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toSoraya_PMR

Never been there - Ramsgate yes. Quite liked it many years ago when the hovercraft set forth from there...

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply toPMRpro

The hoverport is being consumed by nature. Only dog walkers there now, and blackberry pickers.

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toSoraya_PMR

At least it isn't migrants like Calais

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply toSoraya_PMR

Although 1920’s Margate was probably/undoubtedly a far nicer place than today offers. It was quite ‘the place’ for a holiday. And The Royal Seabathing Hospital (now defunct) was a TB hospital. Quite something to work on wards when the sea was crashing at the windows! (It was orthopaedic by then, not TB)

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toSoraya_PMR

Bit like Scabs (Scarborough) which was the northern "Place". Never realised that seabathing was the poor man's Davos and TB sanitorium...

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply toPMRpro

I don’t think Margate could offer such clear pure air as Davos...but it probably made up for it by gusting strongly!

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toSoraya_PMR

Nah - it'll have been the freezing water!

in reply toSoraya_PMR

Great... the first poet I connect with, is one who had a mental illness! Hahahahahaha

in reply to

I know of 3 poems I like. Here's one by Stevie Smith

poetryfoundation.org/poems/...

in reply to

One of the most inspiring evenings of my life was a one woman reading/singing/poetry evening with Maya angelou. One of my sheros😎

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane in reply to

That must of been amazing Poopadoop. I’m jealous!

in reply toSheffieldJane

She was magnificent.

in reply to

Sad.

in reply to

m.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/s...

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane in reply to

Her poems are so inspirational. Good choices.

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply to

Don’t take it to heart Hidden one in four of us has mental health problems ;) and that includes poets (their ratio may be higher? Poetry being a way to express their angst?)

My favourites are First World War poets, and they had EVERY reason to be mentally distressed. Several of them sojourned at Craiglockhart.

in reply toSoraya_PMR

The artist from ww1 who painted in the church was very moving. My brain has totally hidden his name. It may let his name come out to play eventually but I won't count on It!

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane in reply to

Wilfred Owen? Sassoon? Did them for A level, all I remember is a kind of essence.

in reply toSheffieldJane

I remember the bits and bobs from them. Artist still eluding me.

in reply toSheffieldJane

Stanley Spencer and his paintings at sandham memorial chapel.

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane in reply to

I love it when a name comes back to me. Real Nominal Amnesia these days, posh words for forgetting names.

in reply toSheffieldJane

I cheated with dr google. 😂

Rimmy profile image
Rimmy in reply to

Actually you have Melissa - you obviously know and often quote song lyrics - many of which contain some of the 'best' poetry of our generation ...

in reply toRimmy

Agree wholeheartedly. Almost wrote that myself🎵🎶♩

in reply toRimmy

Oh my goodness, that is true Rimmy! And I'm the "Lyric Queen!" If my husband inadvertently hums a tune, I break into song! I then get an "ear worm" and can't stop singing until he puts a different song in there! There ya go... I LOVE poetry I just didn't realise it! THANKS

in reply to

The brains ability to hold onto song lyrics until death is one of life's great joys for me. It's even been shown that people with quite advanced dementia can access song memories. My dog loves my singing, because it usually ends with a biscuit. I am not above bribing her to sing and dance with me.

in reply to

I too LOVE that I can remember lyrics from 50+ years ago! ...but cant remember what I had for breakfast! : )

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply to

MIL had Alz+VascD. She had many ‘I’m not doing’ it moments. 2 minutes of familiar music would see her dancing to the bathroom for a wash, completely forgetting she wasn’t going to do this! She’d sing the lyrics right through, but couldn’t remember who I was! Amazing to see, and a technique I used often to avoid arguments.

Hindags profile image
Hindags in reply to

Last week I was having one of my waves. It hit me in the library as I was picking up a book for our next meeting. I walked by the CD section and saw a bunch of old CDs of operettas and musicals. One was of Desert Song and New Moon. I popped it into the player in my car on the way home. Mom loved this music and would often sing it. Crying bittersweet tears all the way home. It was just what I needed.

in reply toHindags

Ohhhhhh, I love/hate when that happens. Those bittersweet tears, that make you cry, laugh, smile and at the same time break your heart. Good on you for embracing it!

Rimmy profile image
Rimmy in reply toHindags

I loved the Desert Song when i was a kid !!

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane

Goodness! I go away for a few hours and return to discover that I’ve missed a seminar! Fascinating.

Soraya_PMR profile image
Soraya_PMR in reply toSheffieldJane

Your fault! You started the poetry! ;)

Great thread though, I love the tangential nature some of these discussions take. But we’re VERY vaguely still on track re PMR/GCA.....I think????

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane

Me too Soraya, we are just giving the soul some attention. 🌻

GOOD_GRIEF profile image
GOOD_GRIEF

Take it easy this week. No sheet changing, floor scrubbing or trucking groceries 1.3 miles back home from the market.

When you feel well, use that time to do something fun. What doesn't get done can wait, or can be delivered on request. (One hint - ditch the fittted matress sheet for a flat one. Much easier to handle.)

You'll not get better without giving your body and your mind a chance to adapt and recouperate.

Polish your spoons and gentle that gorilla. In the long run, Madam Project manager, it's far more productive in reaching your goals.

in reply toGOOD_GRIEF

Good_Grief, Always the loving, caring, but firm voice of reason and balance. Ever reminding me, to take care of ME! I'm like the disobedient, unruly puppy amongst all of you "Big Dawgs." I'm forever, raging against the confines of box, but succeeding only in peeing all over myself, before collapsing in the corner, exhausted. Thank you my friend...

PS ...but the damn sheets need changing TODAY! It's MONDAY!

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply to

And???????????????????????????????

Rugger profile image
Rugger in reply toPMRpro

Ours get changed at the weekend when it's a two-person job with the OH!

Monday was wash day when I was a child, but not now!

in reply toPMRpro

And... (?)

I'm polishing spoons instead?

I'm being a good Puppy?

I give.

Hindags profile image
Hindags

I don't remember if you have been offered Actemra yet. Is that something you would consider if it were offered? Are you a candidate? Has the National Health approved it for GCA in the UK?

in reply toHindags

Was that question for me Hindags? Dr Hughes, (who I saw for a 2nd opinion) thought it was too early for me to think about Steroid-Sparing options. He agreed with Dr Jordan's "revised" taper down plan and hopes to see me below 20 mg by summer. I have not looked into the sparing options with any real earnest, but if I continue to struggle with tapering down I will do the research. Kate posted two months ago that it was not... I assume that still stand.

healthunlocked.com/pmrgcauk...

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador in reply toHindags

No - no approval yet. And if it does come it will be for difficult cases - and you will have to prove that...

Hindags profile image
Hindags

Yes the questions were intended for you. I think I read that the sooner the better for start in Actemra for GCA. I would think with the problems you have had to date you could make a good case for being prescribed Actemra.....if it is available through NHS. Might be worth checking it out.

in reply toHindags

No worries, if and when the time comes, and I've determine that it would be beneficial for me... you'll hear me yelling, screaming and demanding the Actemra!

Zebedee44 profile image
Zebedee44

Hi mamici1, Just to get back on topic, it's only been a week since your beautiful grandson visited and you had a few flaring days after that so WELL DONE for achieving this taper to 60mg and still being in good form.

Personally I am really longing for the Spring which brings more magic to this part of Wales. It has been a long and very WET winter. But the snowdrops are EVERYWHERE, and we have had daffodils in flower since Christmas.

I chuckled when I saw Lucille Balls charismatic face, and I look forward to reading your posts. I think you have brought us all together in such an amazing way through your blog and your posts, thank you.

Hugs 🤗 from Chrissie

in reply toZebedee44

Ohhhh, wow, thank you, thank you so much. If my warped sense of dark, depressive humour has brought this already cohesive community closer together, than I am honoured. I am happy you enjoy reading my posts/blogs and thankful for all the support!

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane

Perhaps you have given people permission to be angry too Melissa after all being brave got a lot of us here in the first place.

in reply toSheffieldJane

Hmmmm? I like that thought SheffieldJane! If my unbridled, self righteous indignation has subconsciously given people permission to get in touch with their anger, I am pleased... as it's better out than in!

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane

Unless you happen to be on the receiving end that is.

This thread must be setting some sort of record for its length and number of contributors.

in reply toSheffieldJane

Sorry.

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane

For what? I was just thinking about my poor beleaguered husband and my anger.🙅🏻‍♂️

enan-illuc profile image
enan-illuc

Mamici1,

Try to be patient (easier said than done) you will improve. I started at 60mg got down to 40mg and had to go back up, I was devastated but it does get better. I am now on 10mg and will go to 9.5mg soon. My membership in this club started in May (I think) of 2016 and although it is difficult it does improve. Just be patient and keep that great sense of humor. You can and will do this.

Enan

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