Back in 2014ish, after four and a half years of terrible symptoms, I was finally diagnosed with PA. Once my B12 levels were brought back up and stablized, I started to feel better. Then I was disgnosed with breast cancer in 2018. I did chemo, surgery, radiation, and 4 years of hormone blockers for that. Then in late 2018, my daughter was nearly killed in an accident and I suffered from PTSD and anxiety following that incident. At the same time, I lost my father and my job, my other daughter suffered from PTSD and anxiety also from the trauma, my marriage suffered, and needless to say, I became depressed.
I notice that if I forget to do my B12 injections on time, my depression and anxiety get much worse. Then it becomes a cycle where I forget, my depression deepens, my memory gets worse so I keep forgetting and round and round. Does this kind of thing happen to anyone else?
I'm just wondering if I'm imaging this cycle or if it's real? Thanks.
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LynnBee0613
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Dear LynnBee,What an enormous amount of trauma you have had.I send you a comforting hug.I was treated for years with various amounts of anti depressants until one observant GP realised my B12 was low.I know when the low spirits crawl back that I have forgotten my B12.I think a regular regime of SI is important to safeguard against this happening.I know it’s easy to forget and feel it’s not needed when feeling ok but try and keep to a sufficient routine.I will do the same.Every good wish Ann
You're doing the right things, and sharing your experiences.
Do you use a calendar to remind yourself of injections? It might be worth considering. At least if you miss one, it'll be obvious and you can then 'catch up'.
Good idea - I use one calendar for everything. It is on the wall in the living-room, so anyone can check it and remind me if I forget to look. I also copy reminders into my diary so that I have it to hand when out of the house.
LynnBee0613 : Low moods and unexpected mood swings can make ordinary life difficult for those with B12 deficiency/PA. And for others around them. That is without any additional stress and anxiety that occurs due to severe trauma or illness.
It might be useful to get a better idea of what is happening to you. I made a chart to use daily : listing and monitoring some of my key symptoms (most frequent, most severe, most visible, most life-changing) and when they happen in relation to my injections. In the beginning, my injections were frequent, my symptoms many - and a pattern did not emerge. BUT as I got better, very gradually, I could see that some of my symptoms started dwindling away as slowly as they had crept up on me originally. This really helped me - later, I could look back to a year ago, two years ago, and see how far I'd actually come. Sometimes you need that confirmation.
I know that when I am low, it is B12 deficiency and not me. I always knew that - which is why I refused antidepressants three times. Sometimes it is harder to disentangle. I should imagine for you, that's a really difficult task.
Try charting your progress. Start before any progress is made - it can take a while - and you may see a need for more frequent injections as a pattern reveals itself. You might not. But this is a good way of you focussing on you for a few minutes each day, and concentrating on what you need to stay well.
Not many medical professionals are familiar with what it can take to make a difference - but I happened to be seeing a senior ENT consultant about B12, angular cheilitis, burning tongue and saliva duct strictures- and he knew.
He told me that I was doing the right thing by self injecting every other day - that I must be persistent and continue with the injections at that frequency. That it would work, but that it would take a very long time.
He didn't need to do any blood tests. What's more, he praised my GP for her detailed report and meant it. He quoted from it and had it to hand. He agreed that saliva duct strictures would compromise B12 extracted from food sources.
Then he referred me on - but he'd given me enough confirmation that I was on the right track just at a time when I was doubting whether this could help me. I can't thank him enough for that.
Sometimes the right person appears at exactly the right time! It's happened to me medically a couple of times, and the feeling of reassurance when you get the right information or advice is just incredible.
It seems to happen just when you need it most, doesn't it ?
Not always from the expected source, which is why I have always turned up for any and every appointment, no matter how unlikely a route. You just never know.
Yes to daily injections, if that's what you need. All that ruminating and dealing with stress uses up vitamin B12. When the body is in stress mode it can't heal. So breathe and give yourself a break.
Depression can be anger turned inwards and anxiety is much about control. The brain also likes to put things in an 'oubliette' when it is overwhelmed, just to add to the confusion.
It sounds like you haven't had a chance to grieve for each thing separately. It's important to be able to feel your feelings and express those feelings. So write them out, paint them out, garden them out, smash something, go for a walk, and talk. Maybe to a paid councillor, as it sounds like the other half is overwhelmed with it too.
The classic grieving cycle is to go numb, get angry with what you can't control, turn that inwards and be depressed ( with a death, doing a 'wish it were me instead'), and finally come to some acceptance, understanding that this can't be changed and it will have changed you.
With PTSD, it's important, when the rumination takes over, to not try and stop it. This is the body and brain remembering and coming to terms with what happened, and healing. Do see it through, feel it, cry, and get to the point where you were safe. After a while, when the memories pop up, you can skip to the point where you survived it all and are safe.
Try, eventually, to take the hideous negative and turn it into a positive.
Sometimes it's just about comfort eating and rereading a favourite book/ watching favourite telly. Hazelnut chocolate and 'Pride and Prejudice' yet again for me.
Wishing you all the best for a cosy Christmas. Find a good carol service to go to and sing your heart out. On the day, I recommend starter for breakfast, main course for lunch, and pudding & cheese & fruit & mince pies for dinner. Do something silly that your Dad would have laughed at. Here's to a totally uneventful 2025! Xx 🎄🎄🎄
My favorite part of any response so far, "Here's to a totally uneventful 2025!" Yes please but also already not happening. I have to move, my husband is going to be out of work, and I am so tired. Thanks for all the cheers onward.
Thanks for all the cheerleading! I'm sorry it took me so long to come back and respond. The holidays have been so busy and I'm so sad. I think I might need to leave my husband to get this all behind finally but then again that will just make things more difficult again.
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