WARNING – ANGRY, SARCASTIC VENTING FOLLOWS!
Hello fellow B12 crack-wh*res. I went to my doctor today, armed with the names of two simple tests: MMA & Homocysteine.That was all I wanted, to be given two simple tests. Even one, MMA, would have made me very happy. I told my doctor I thought I might have something called Functional B12 Deficiency; was immediately wary when I saw ‘the expression’ on her face, the one that says ‘I’m jumping in right about NOW’ and then she jumped in. God forbid you actually get a chance to tell them what the problem is before they decide they know exactly what the problem is, and you’re not getting it. Now leave.
I couldn’t possibly have B12 deficiency because I get B12 injections once every 4 weeks, she announced, pointing at the computer and almost shouting AHA! In fact, her face said, if she had her way I wouldn’t be getting that much, because really they were just indulging me.
I had to interrupt her back - she loved that - by explaining what Functional Deficiency was and that me getting monthly injections wasn’t really relevant if the B12 couldn’t get where it was needed. When I got to the point of explaining how the B12 gets through the stomach wall okay and into the blood but can’t get from the blood to the cells she developed the other face: ‘Oh, this is a fairy story you made up from the interwebs’.
So then I had to explain why the tests, neither of which she’d ever heard of, were sound and could answer the question definitively; I didn’t just want them because I thought it was a good way of wasting her time and NHS money. She told me she’d have to consult The Biochemist (my doctors always bring up The Biochemist when they don’t know about tests, or don’t really want to give you them). I love that a biochemist who has never met me, knows nothing about my medical history or my symptoms gets to decide whether I get treatment or not.
After all that audacity I was punished by having my medications withheld. These medications are anti-convulsants, strong and essential for my (currently recurring; hence my desperation) neurological condition of Trigeminal Neuralgia. My doctor used the excuse that I had once (while overdosed on water due to cystitis) landed in hospital with low blood sodium. Yes, the drugs adversely affected my blood sodium but hospital was ONCE in 18 months and under extreme circumstances. She wasn’t interested; I had to be made to pay for daring to bring in my mad addiction for more B12, and subjecting her to the terrible humiliation of not knowing something.
The real irony of all this is I DON'T expect my doctor to know everything. She’s a human being, not a walking encyclopaedia. What I DO expect (oh how naive) is that she might listen and not behave as if I am a crazed loon off the street doing anything – ANYTHING I tell you! – to get more of that delicious B12.
I brought her a list of 37 symptoms, something I NEVER do (what’s the point?), but I am sick of all these problems never being mentioned because the docs don’t have the time to hear you out, or even read a page (I kept it to one page long). I’ve had tendonitis – incapacitating tendonitis – in both ankles for two years. Two YEARS, and I never bring it up, never seek treatment, never connect it to my TN or anything else because hey, it could be caused by anything. And what does she say on reading these symptoms? “These could be caused by anything. Or nothing. They may not even be connected.”
NO. You don’t SAY. That’s never occurred to me. Gosh, I am so glad you are here to keep me straight, infer I am neurotic, behave as if I am trying to extract unfair amounts of B12 from the NHS, probably by stealing it from babies, AND having the audacity to invent a condition, with fake tests, called Functional B12 Deficiency, which I definitely don’t have because I’m already getting B12 injections. Praise Jesus!
I absolutely might not have Functional B12 Deficiency. No-one is a bigger sceptic than me, but all I am asking for is the damn tests to find out. Why is that so terrible? Why does it have all this drama attached? If she was in my place, with a condition that caused severe electric shock pain to the face, that’s incurable, that is treated by horrible drugs, that is rare and no-one knows anything about, and then on top of this she develops a numb leg and face, crawling sensations on her scalp, tendonitis all over her body (high Homocysteine causes collagen problems so this possible connection isn’t as weird as it sounds), plus about 20 more maddening symptoms, would she not want the damn tests?
So at the end of this ridiculous debacle I am awaiting a phone call after The Biochemist decides my fate. And what do I do if he turns me down? God knows, because I don’t.
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