Who Wants This?

[jupiterjane]

This,

this cannot

Be My Life

This is not

My Life,

This cannot be

All that’s left

of My Life!

What the hell

happened?!

How could disease

Destroy the energy,

Light and optimism

Of My Life?

Here I am

Floating to

The top of

the surface

My fear,

Swirling around me

My failures

All connected

To the added

Responsibilities

That fill up

My new Life’s

“To Do” list.

Surrounded ,

Surrounding,

Drowning and

Overwhelmed

My brain

suffocating

Short circuiting,

Jumbled messages,

Erratic movements,

Forgetting tasks.

New and old,

I forgot,

I forgot,

I forgot.

But the excuse

Is old and

The list of

Things to do

Lay untouched

On the table

You can’t

Understand.

My life has

Changed forever,

I’ll never be

“Me” again

and those tasks

That lay untouched

Just don’t seem

To matter

This,

This just cannot

be My Life!

Tremors, shakes

Weird thought in

My head,

hospital stays,

experimental drugs,

And the walking,

Unbalanced and

Off course

Bringing those

Questioning stares.

Who signs up

For this Life?

Who deserve

This Life?

Who wants

This, this stupid Life.

This,

This is not My Life!

I don’t want it!

This cannot be My Life!

Damn!

Jupiterjane

[chrismw]

I agree. damn.

[Court]

I agree. This is not the life we asked for or expected. You cope brilliantly, and are an example to all of us. But when all is said and done it certainly is no fun. Hey, I made a rhyme!!

Sue

[MichaelOM]

JJ ... Well said. I feel the same way right now and more and more often. What're we supposed to do now? ... M

[jupiterjane in reply to MichaelOM]

I don't know Michael. All I know is that I am surrounded by confusion. I have loved ones who want to pretend I am not ill, others who think I will one day be "all better" and yet others who just don't talk about it at all! I have a new Neurologist and a whole team of therapists and nurses who want to help me in any way they can, any way but giving me pain meds and muscle relaxers. I hate breaking in new doctors and I am tired, oh so very tired, of fighting for quality in my life and not worrying so much about the quantity.

Damn!, I'm babbling...

[MichaelOM]

Babble on, babe. Babble on.

[Joealt]

It takes courage to speak out the way you do. Every day is a repeat of the previous. I wish that we all could wake up from this crazy dream. Be well my friends.

[newmancm]

I love how you said that. Everyday for almost 2 years I have thought exactly that. I had just gone back to school and invested in an MBA, and then I got the PD diagnosis. So, now I make student loan payments for knowledge I have already forgotten. I can't even walk every day let alone keep it together enough to work. Since my symptoms wax and wane, some people claim I am faking it. I would gladly trade them my "fake PD" any day. I'm exhausted. But I did find a athlete drink mix, Inner Power by Life Extension, that alleviates my perpetual body pain. So, there's that. But I am quite pissed-off about the state of my life now. It's like I've been scammed and lost everything in the deal. I have little choice now but to move the bar for myself. I won't be anything I aiming for before PD. I'l just have to be something else. ....... Thinking.

[jobby]

PD is the cards of life we have been delt. Not much of a game this life but stay possative one day the hand may change !!