My husband has a severe motivation problem. I can now no longer get him to exercise and he has started refusing to get out of bed. He won’t shower and now he won’t change his clothes before bed meaning he will wear the same clothes for days on end. Even his undies. Ewwwwww!
Yesterday he wouldn’t even eat for most of the day. I only managed to get him to drink a glass and a half of water all day, but he did get up for dinner.
How can I get him moving? We did have a very good program of light exercises, qigong, finger exercises walking before the holiday season but severe anxiety leading to suicidal thoughts has meant a trip to the emergency mental health people so now he is on sertraline and mirtazapine which I think induce apathy.
Given I can’t even get him out of bed to shower or walk, and no amount of reasoning, cajoling, threatening is working I’m stuck. What can I do?
I am not sure if leaving him be to sleep it off until he decides to do something is the best. I have found in the past the more he sleeps the worse he gets. He is like a bear in hibernation.
I have tried reasoning with him. He knows exercise makes him feel better but he just says he can’t be bothered to do anything. It is not that any of his symptoms prevent him from doing anything. In fact he says the neuropathy in his hands is slightly better. He has no lack of physical ability except he is tired.
Today I tried a bit of threatening. If he doesn’t get up, change his clothes , have a shower I will have to employ a nurse to take over his hygiene care. This will cost $200 an hour. In the past the thought of spending money is enough to spring him into action as he doesn’t like spending. Today he doesn’t care. I said if I can’t look after you here you will have to go into a care facility which will cost $1000 per week. As he is only 58 he doesn’t get the pension or any government benefit so we would have to use up our savings to pay. He doesn’t care. This is a new level of apathy.
My 14 year old heard the conversation and is in tears. Am I being mean, insensitive. I don’t think he can carry on sleeping all day and never changing his clothes, or can he? Should I just leave him be and get on with everything- now I have to do everything he used to do as well as my normal tasks, plus look after my 14,16, 17 year old kids who still need attention, which he has been sucking up for the past months since diagnosis. I think they are feeling neglected.