The curative qualitys of humour

Do you remember last year at Easter I went over to The British Lung Foundation in UNLOCK and stole a bunch of jokes from Aberdeenman's post. Welll I was just in the neighbour hood and what should I find but a post from him . SOOOO , I took the jokes and ran.

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence. "Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don’t see why not," replies the doctor. "That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."

Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, "I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this..." "Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault."

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients' bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you get better." One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get better, too."

with apologies to Aberdeenman

5 Replies

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  • Thanks ! Excellent therapy :-)

  • How about that one :

    What's green, has wheels, and breathes fire ?

    Grass. I lied about the wheels and fire.

  • Hilarious! It's past midnight and I'm LOL-ing it up over here!

  • Ha, ha...my name is Stephen (most call me Steve). As a man that has experienced infidelity, the 6th one struck me where it hurts. :( Here's a favorite:

    THE DEAF MAFIA BOOKKEEPER

    It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper could not hear

    things that he might have to testify to in court.

    The Mafia Godfather found out that his deaf bookkeeper

    had embezzled ten million bucks from "the family".

    When the Godfather confronted the bookkeeper about

    the missing $10 million, he brought along the "family lawyer",

    who was fluent in sign language.

    The Godfather told his lawyer, "Ask him where's the 10 million bucks."

    The lawyer, using sign language, asked the bookkeeper, "where's the money?"

    The bookkeeper signed back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

    The lawyer told the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

    The Godfather pulled a pistol, put it to the bookkeeper's temple and said,

    "Ask him again!"

    The lawyer signed to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"

    The bookkeeper signed back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase,

    buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"

    The Godfather asked, "What'd he say?"

    "He said you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

  • Don't stop laughing yet.

    A prudish man checking in to the motel asks the clerk, "Is there porn in the rooms?"

    The clerk replies, "Yes sir, we have porn in every room."

    The prudish man tells the clerk, "I want mine disabled."

    The clerk replies, "We only have the regular kind. You sick bastard!"

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