Friends: Just sat here contemplating after... - Pain Concern

Pain Concern
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Just sat here contemplating after another night of no sleep thanks to my wonderful back 🤔, and I realised that all through this Covid out break not one of my friends have contacted me to see how I’m doing not even my best friend. Before anyone says we’ll have you contacted them..... many no, for the simple fact it’s always me asking how others are and not the other way round. Iv messages my best friend here n there but I have to send 2 or 3 to get a reply whereas we used to basically live in each other’s pockets we were more like sisters and have been through so much together. It’s like since I moved away from my home town ( 45 mins drive) no one can be bothered anymore which is quite sad and is in fact a real reflection of the friends I chose to keep, the ones who wanted someone to go out with every night! Since my healths deteriorated drastically and since I moved over a year and a half ago I literally hear from no one and it’s quite sad. Especially as iv been unable to make any friends around here as I’m not able to get out and do things like I used to. I say hi to the neighbours now and then and other than my partner that is the extent of my social interaction 🥴.

Wow went off on a tangent there lol.

It’s just so strange how when things happen in life you realise who was really your friend, and who just needed a drinking buddy 🤔

30 Replies

Wow! Just had to reply because I've been awake the entire night in pain thinking exactly the same thing.

It's like you've read my mind!

Lanadc88 in reply to happytulip

Great minds think alike. I hope your pain eases soon

happytulip in reply to Lanadc88

You too!

Lanadc88 in reply to happytulip

Thank you. Iv just treated myself to a McDonald’s breakfast haha first one in months and I’m going to totally ignore the fact that the delivery cost just as much as the food 🙈😂. Oh well it will make me feel better for all of 5 minutes lol... it’s the simple things in life 🙈

Hi, I too suffer from back and neck issues and have had the very same thoughts many times.

I was forced into early ill health retirement from nhs a couple of years ago and it's a difficult enough situation losing everything attached to that, never mind also losing friends, ex-colleages and the interaction with people too.

Other than 1 or 2 friends whom keep in touch from time to time and even that's not very often, I don't hear from anyone else either. When you need someone just to be there even to talk to by text, I often feel I'm just occasionally "fitted in" briefly. I'm aware that they have a very busy life but often feel I'm a bit of an inconvenience.

I always in the past tried to be there for people especially if they had been going through a difficult time in their life but it appears that goes only 1 way with the vast majority of people. It seems that out of sight really means out of is pretty sorry situation and when your back is against the wall it shows the true extent of friendship.

Anyway....sorry went on a bit of a rant there but your comments hit a nerve and I can truly empathise with sleepless nights due to pain and unfortunately your mind can run away with your thoughts even more so during the darkness and quiet of the night.

Take care and I hope you sleep better tonight...

Lanadc88 in reply to LesE62

You said it perfectly there. It’s a sorry world we live in when there seems to be only a small minority who will truly be there for their loved ones through thick and thin and not give up on them when they’re no longer able to fulfill the partying/ socialising and don’t forget the babysitting duties that many come to expect. Sometimes it’s easier to stay clear of people lol but then the world can become a very lonely place x

Hiya Lana,sorry to hear your story.Its a pretty dark time for lots out there.It might be that you've moved and now you're out of sight,out of mind.I bet there are so many hurting like you are,with health probs and other issues.Maybe you could communicate more with people on sites like this who would have a greater understanding of what you're going through.At least in the short term.It could be that the distance between you and them just makes the convos very strange because you don't see each other as regular as before and therefore you've just gradually just become more like strangers.Not sure it helps you Lana but it's not nice when you're going through a difficult time and during covid too to just feel so down.I hope you persevere with your mates because any kind of positivity from them will improve your wellbeing no end.Stick with it Lana.

Lanadc88 in reply to Jjflash

Thank you so much

No problem Lana.Dont know if you've tried meditation/yoga/a strong back brace.Its strange,I've had a really bad back for about 8 years now and the only time I'm in manageable pain is when I'm in bed.If you try to keep your back moving whenever you can,it will ease that horrible situ when you're back freezes up and you get that painful jarring going from your back to your legs.Not sure if you've tried physio at one through online sites,anything to refrain from throwing painkillers down you.Stay in touch Lana,don't know about you but I feel a weird feeling when reading other comments,knowing that there are so many struggling out there with their quality of life.good luck with everything Lana.

Lanadc88 in reply to Jjflash

I have kyphosis and my chiropractor has told me to avoid bracing like the plague lol. The movement is also an issue though as my spine is actually moving too much when I move so the muscles are trying to work over time to stop the movement so it’s a bit of a catch 22 where movements concerned it’s a case of doing what I can when I can when it’s like this, not staying still for considerable lengths of time but also not moving too much in order to pee it off even more lol.

I chose the chiropractor over physio it may cost a bit but it is definitely worth it.

Thank you, it is nice to know we’re not alone with our struggles but at the same time it’s sad too see so many of us struggling.

I guess it’s places like this that make everything a little more bareable.

Oh and as for the painkillers I already having a blooming great cocktail of those going on 😕

Jjflash in reply to Lanadc88

Hi Lana,just popping in to see how you're doing.I like that you've had a lotta support.I hope the caring messages have cheered you up a bit.Hope you got some decent zzzsss as well.

Lanadc88 in reply to Jjflash

That’s so kind of you. The support is amazing. I had a great sleep last night but it’s now 5.30am the night/morning after and yet again no sleep :( going to phone doctors Monday as I can’t go on like this it’s exhausting. I hope your well as can be and thank you x

Hello Lanadc. I know what you mean. It seems that even family can't be bothered, as it is easier for them to think that everything's fine and you're just a whinger who doesn't know how to take care of yourself. They don't contact you because, well, you have less and less to say except talking about your health issues. They don't want to hear that. The thing is, if you can't do anything because you're in pain all the time, with the depression that goes with it, you're not 'fun' for a lot of people. They don't realise that by just giving you a smile, saying 'Hi' or giving you a quick call, your day would be so much better and the fog would lift. I have to admit as well that I can't be bothered anymore to have to listen to misplaced advice coming from people who don't have a clue and think, yes again, that you are just a bit anxious and don't know how to take care of yourself. The likes who, when you tell them you are in a lot of pain (as in chronic daily pain), reply by saying you should take some paracetamol and lay down for a couple of minutes. What a joke!!

We're all stronger than that on these forums and we have to keep on remembering to love ourselves, which is probably the most challenging when you're in pain all the time.

All the best to you and to all of us! ;)

Lanadc88 in reply to Chleo11

You really have hit the nail on the head here! So bloody true xx

Wow Lana that is so sad to read. I suffer from back issues and nerve related leg pain and numbness etc. I have had 4 ops, the last one just before covid which was a fusion. All seemed to go reasonable well but then the pain increased again and the physio did not want to carry on and contacted the surgeon, after rest etc it stayed the same and now another MRI to see what’s what in 2 weeks. I can so relate to not sleeping well because of the pain and just about every night I have to get up as the nerve pain drives me insane. So I just walk up and down a bit , look out of the window and go back to bed only to repeat it about umpteen times. I look like death woken up most days. And yes it certainly made me want to jump of a bridge many a time. People find it difficult to deal with an ongoing health issue. They prefer to talk about the new washing powder or the increase in grocery prices etc as that is so much easier than asking you time and time again how your back is. I just get in there first and tell them yes back is still sh@t but let’s not talk about it as there are nicer things to talk about. I have to say one friend who was my bestie for a long time is not in touch much now, I suppose I am a bit of a nuisance now as I was her walking and gym buddy but c’est la vie. Luckily my all time best friend comes round regularly (except now with covid) and my local circle of friends have been rather accommodating. I do put it down to the fact that I just don’t talk about my issues. There is this forum I can talk to some nice guys privately and my partner, don’t burden the kids too much either. I think it is what it is and going out and socialising in the evenings is definitely not on the menu at the moment and has not been for some time.

Just take things one at the time Lana and enjoy the little things and for all you know there might be a nice friend waiting in the shadows in your new town.

You can also come on here anytime you like x

Lanadc88 in reply to Emma2017

Thank you so much and I’m glad the ops have at least worked a little bit for you :). This place is great to have a chat with people who don’t tire of your health complaints and genuinely want to offer advice and support :)

I know that it's not the same but for people with pain it's hard to get out so I've made a lot of good friends online thru different social medias. There is a group that meets online every day. I've just recently discovered it and have only attended one meeting. If you want info on it PM me and I'll send you the Zoom meeting numbers.

Lanadc88 in reply to Amkoffee

That sounds really good. I’m not good with zoom and hate video chats lol

I feel that everyone has become a little more insular since this whole thing started. I have become quite bad at contacting friends as I find phone conversations difficult and Zoom and Skpe pretty disconcerting. I would keep contacting your friends. After all its not about who does the initial approach but the quality of the interaction.

Don't lose people who matter because you think they are not doing the right thing by you. Talk to them and find out how they are doing emotionally themselves.


Wow i know that exact feeling breaks ya heart dosent it! I had no where to live 10 years ago and eventually i was given a bungalow as cant do stairs because of back, its 40 mins from where i grew up and ran a pub for years. I see 1 of my friends who i went to school with and the rest have just vanished into the ether! Friends who i shared my home with and helped with their kids along wth my own ive dropped everything over the years to be there for them and now im a couple of lines in a Christmas card! Heartbreaking but xxxx em i am not goin under i have my partner my dogs and my grown up fam i am still relevant and i am still laughin like a mad woman! I feel your loss and disappointment keep ya chin up smile and laugh as much as u can take care of yourselves🙃

Hi Lanadc88, I have suffered from both insomnia and Sleeping for days on end just taking my medication then back to sleep, I am on a heavy Cocktail of pain medication, Zomorph, Oramorph and Pregabalin. Taking my medication does cause some of the sleep problems. I don't see people for months on end apart from my Cleaner who happens to be my ex partner. I used to go from my flat (apartment) to my friends one a floor below mine, I am still the one who makes contact with others via email, texts or calling! My Friend is now in Hospital again because he has Cancer and Dementia, I am agoraphobic, but have been pushing myself to go and visit him as his family can't be bothered! I find it difficult to comprehend people sometimes! I seem to be able to visit my Friend without too much of a problem yet when I get home I sit down and next thing I know is its the next day! Your friends are probably worrying about you getting an infection from them, and may not be calling because of worrying that if they speak to you, they may say they will visit yet knowing they cant in case they pass any illness on to you! I don't know but hope its their way of keeping you safe?

Bless you hunny you sound very much down at the moment. Your not alone always try to remember that just puck up your phone and message anyone on here and im sure you will end up with lots of friends all in the same boat. I am always well was always in pain until I started studying herbs. Now I take self heal tea which is very extraordinary how it works most days when I wake up I felt like I had been to sleep in a tumble dryer. Now I have no aches and can actually really sleep thats to a little weed I found in my front garden study it. Self heal. Think you could be very much amazed. All the best lovely take care.

Thank you so much I’ll look into that :) xx

Anytime u feel low as I no you will be dropping me a message

Take care love things will get better

That’s so kind Lesley and the same to you. 😀 add me on messenger love lesleyann chapman maD blonde in green car x

Haha I’m not on Facebook or messenger hun :( x

Lanadc88 in reply to Lanadc88

Got insta though?

Do it lol its shit int it. Being poorly. I have chronic chronic disease had it 32 years 32 years of hell pain and literally crap. I live in West Yorkshire i was lucky I could feel myself getting worse so myself n hubby bought some buy to lets its z good job we did as hubby had 2 brain hemorrhage in October. I have a 15 year old boy lol who I had at 36 lol late developer I guess all my symptoms stopped then but he was born when I was 6 mths 1 day I was lucky aGain he weighed in at 6lb 3oz this chrons is horrid steroids steroids azithoropin and ever cancer drug going its a immune suppresent disease after 32 years of steroids my bones are basically f...... i was so sick of feeling poorly aching hurting i started looking into herbs 2 years ago experimented on myself until recently 1 mth to be exact I found self heal which is a common name p vulgaris is its real name I dried it out in my hydrator name tea with 5 flower stalks and 5 white clover tops lots of sugar lol and 4 hors later I was stretching my joint to see where the pains had gone i was gob smacked I have had every pill under the sun and a blinkin weed out of front garden as took all this pain away???????.....

I have diabetes too caused through steroids all the symptoms gone to that however I took the piss last week feeling so well I went yo the chippy bought the biggest chip butty I could find murdered it with salt and vinegar and eat the lot boy I was poorly lol it gave me a massive chrons flare up so I am just paying now with swollen glands problems swallowing so on so the herb gets rid of pain aches and all that but if you have a disease it still says and you still have to watch wor u are doing.

The neighbours must have thought i was mad picking weeds out of my front lawn lol with scissors as u only use the flower tops.


But try it love.

I do hope you are having a better day today I live near pontefract where pontefract cakes are made. I have fat finger syndrome so spelling will be crap. U take care. Lesley

Hi from Canada. Can you try melatonin pills ? What about CBD oil caplets from Holland and Barrett?

I’ve found that essential oils help tremendously. I add a few drops of lavender essential oil to an Epsom salt bath before bed. It’s relaxing.

Having an atomizer with essential oils misting in your bedroom might really help with sleep. You can also put a little oil on your temples. Lavender helps for sleep. Rose oil calms anxiety.

I use a sleeping pill every night called Zopiclone. I have two severely damaged nerves in my ischial sacral spine that makes sleep impossible. Would your doctor give you some if you were really sleep deprived? The brain changes for the worse when you don’t sleep. Good luck.

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