Seeing older pictures ......

[frankdobermann]

What do people do to keep their spirits up? Every time I see an older picture of myself within the last 10 years I see a totally different person in that picture, one who was very athletic looking and oozed confidence and humour now due to several surgeries in the last year I look totally different to even 18 months ago, I now due to Lyrica am huge, tired looking with a horrible complexion and look nothing like I used to! . When I now get out as I have been more or less house bound for 18 months people don't even recognise me, one person I have been friends with for a very long time, sat across from a table and asked and you are?, I don't let things get me down too much in fact since I have lost my job I am less stressed- but it's when I see a picture, or people don't even recognise me it makes me feel like the old me is dead and I won't ever be able to do the things I used to love- that disturbs me. Now I'm not depressed or need to see my doctor etc I'm just curious how people cope with life changes they do not like, for me as I said it saddens me to see the old me, I feel like that was someone else but I think the real challenge for me is getting to grips that some people don't recognise me at all. So how does everyone cope? (Besides removing all your old pictures lol )

[Hidden]

I know it can be frustrating not to feel like the person you were we are all unique and that makes a good a person as anyone be kind yourself and keep sharing you will find many a person experiecing the same thing sending hugs loads of luck on your journey we are here to help so please do share your experiences: )

[frankdobermann in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind message slacklesley, I think it's not just a case of feeling it's also the fact of not looking anything like you once did, I was sad that I wasn't recognised by a long term friend when I was out and I found it hard that this person didn't even recognise me after what is relatively a short time. I know I've changed but I didn't think I was unrecognisable! But that's life always throwing challenges at you!

[teadrinker]

I was going to be flippant & say I don't look at old photos! But that's not helpful.

Actually I was looking at some old photos recently & everyone had aged. As time goes by we do look different. I met a couple of people yesterday I'd not seen in years & they'd aged & looked very different & they are very fit & well.

So don't be so hard on yourself - everyone looks older - & those who don't have probably had some work done!

Sometimes looking at photos of happier times can be good & sometimes it can highlight how tough the present is.

As for me, I am grappling with my teenaged kids reminding me how Middle Aged I am. In my head I am still about 23 but with the added bonus of life experience & wisdom. That keeps me going.

[frankdobermann in reply to teadrinker]

Yes I do agree we change with age, it's when you totally change in 18 months to the point no one recognises you at all !! As in last year I was xs and very fit now I'm large and going up! And all this is due to illness and the medication hence no one recognises me!

[Hidden]

That must be very difficult for you. I haven't had this as I haven't changed that much but when I look at my younger and thinner self I am envious for a few moments then remember that I was unhappy then and I am not so much now. I would much rather be happy than look good on the outside, but then I would much rather have both!

[jaybrody]

Yes, I do totally agree with you, I am now obsessed with taking photos of myself. I can see it in my eyes , my weight that pain has eroded the person I have become. A picture speak a thousand words and somehow cannot hide the pain and deterioration as my mind would like me believe. Somehow it feels like my body has taken hostage of me through the pain. It is what it is ,and just embrace it

[teadrinker in reply to jaybrody]

You have put it very well when you talk about pain taking you hostage. When mine was out of control it felt as though it was eating me up.

Thanks to current good pain management support I am no longer in that state. I don't know how much longer the NHS will fund this treatment which is a worry. However, I've learnt how to cope when I get an unexpected flare up. It's no longer the master of me & will not win. As you say, it is what it is, but I am more than my pain.

[frankdobermann]

Thanks Lilacil and jaybrody for your views on it it helps reading others views, and jay your right on with the comment pain has taken hostage of your body! That is very true my friend I'm a hostage! I'm never depressed maybe a little low at times because not only was I a lot thinner but I used to love running and mountain biking and now sadly I know I will never do my past obsessions at all. The only good thing is I'm still me inside !

[Hermes123]

Hermes123. I am 79. years old and suffered with pain since 1969. yes when man first walk on the moon, back in that time operations were few if not none existent, I spent three months laying on a board in the living room with a trapped sciatic nerve, it was another 13. years before I was offered my first operation and was told the risk were very high it might not work, I spent three months in hospital of which six weeks were phyiso every day. Since then I worked in a very physical job until I retired at sixty five years old, I had numerous operation and had more than my fair share of pain, in fact I cannot remember a day with out pain. Whilst at work the pressure was that I could over ride the thought of pain, but when the day ended is when I knew all about it. when I first retired OK at first after a while depression kicked in, my Doctor told me get out of the house, join a club circulate best advice I was given, the pain has not gone away but most of the time I can manage. Hope this helps to see your old self again.

[frankdobermann]

Thank you Hermes 123 for your advice yes I have been thinking of joining a club as at 49 I'm too young to want to fully retire but too damaged to be able to work, so I'm in a conundrum,I'm just lucky that I can walk now as it was very scary that I couldn't walk at all. But thank you your advice is well taken, I do need other companionship and something to do that won't hurt me as bad as my long term job did!, I too was and still get trapped with my sciatic nerve, after the op and after several epidurals plus coping with severe damage to both shoulders, has made my life tough. I knew when I started at my old job that there was risks that that it may damage me as like you it was extremely physical and very heavy work in fact our works nurse said it was like working at a gym and doing heavy weights all day! But the money was good and I was an already fit 21yr old who was full of himself and thought it will never happen to me but I knew men left very early due to body damage extreme wear and tear etc.... but I never thought it would happen to me so fast! But it did☹️ and also like you I worked with my fair share of pain but had to stop as I have damaged discs, spondylitis, nerve damage to hands, grade 3 and 4 arthritis in my shoulders, a pec that just snapped! And the list goes on hence why I don't feel myself...... but thanks I think I will get started finding a club as I already was thinking about it as I do need to feel me again! Best wishes Frank D.

[Hermes123]

Frank, I have a few suggestions for you, do you have a man shed located near you? we have one recently started up on a local industrial estate, it started about six months ago and is proving very successful, just had its first open day recently. they get into all sorts of things, recently published a children book.

Bouls a good outdoor game for the summer time.

The university of the third age, sounds frighting but it is not, its like minded people that share a passion together meet up have a chat a cup of tea and most all discuss their passion, there are a whole raft of subjects, Google up your local area and you could be surprised. Good luck Hermes123.

[frankdobermann in reply to Hermes123]

Thank you very much for your suggestion, a friend of mine who is 82 who is fit etc told me he goes to something similar once a week and asked me when he comes back off holiday did I want to come? Well I told him why not he said it's for over 50,s but being nearly there they wouldn't mind ! So next week I'm going!!!!!!!!