How do I combat such hopeless feelings!

Not sure how many of you read my post of last Wednesday but basically I have had my first recurrence confirmed 6 months into remission. I have now gone from being a positive, bright and hopeful individual (even following first diagnosis) to a jibbering wreck who can't seem to stop the tears and anxietities completely overwhelming me. Any advice on how to deal with this would be appreciated.

8 Replies

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  • Hi Mary,

    Find a counsellor (Macmillan if available), and talk about your fears and shock. You are going through a post traumatic shock that you need help with, and that help will enable you to cope, and get well again. You cannot do this with friends or family members as you cannot be honest with them and will try to protect them from your fears, and vice versa.

    Very best wishes,

    Isadora.

  • Hello Mary,

    All this is a normal reaction to the shock that you have had, its a good thing to let it all go and cry as much as you want to, you just get rid of all your fears and frustration thats inside you. They say that the first recurrence is a big shock, but you will come to terms with it and cope again.

    They have more treatment for you and this will get you into another remission, so you just hang on in there like the rest of us ok.

    Hope you start to have good days from today, chin up, and you keep smiling.

    Thinking of you, Take care.x x

  • havent really got any advice but just wanted to send my hearfelt love to you.. and to say you will be in my thoughts.. im sure that the team will get you through this tough time..

    lots and lots of love

    suzanne..

    xxxx

  • Hi Mary,

    I get these feelings too and find that getting out with my husband and going for walks helps me - I fear it will come back quickly (I am still having 1st line chemo) and every ache or pain is a new tumour and every twinge is it going to my lymph nodes. With Autumn around the corner, it is a lovely time of year and I think it stops focusing so much on the 'nasties' as my husband calls it. When I get depressed my husband says, "shall we go for a walk?" and even if its just around the block on our estate it helps me. Watching my favourite comedies makes me laugh - Blackadder goes Fourth and Only Fools and Horses - constantly on one of the Virginmedia channels - good for when you are alone and down. My Mother-in-law has a dog, and being around the dog helps too, she comes over and wants you to fuss her and that just somehow makes me feel normal again. Looking forward to odd weekend away or trip (we are going to Weymouth soon this month and Scotland next month) also help me.

    As the song says...These are a few of my favourite things (i.e. tactics)!

    Love Lizzie

    X

  • I so wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, but there are no words.. just understanding..... to have the joy from being in remission to then have the shock of knowing its come back so soon is devastating for you and so unfair. Dont feel bad for feeling like you do, these are normal feelings and only to be expected. It does not mean you are any less the person you were before! You are still that same person, just give yourself time.

    Isadora is right, talking to a counselor can help you come to terms with your feelings. Friends and family can be great for some people, but not if you feel you have to protect them from getting hurt, you have enough on your plate without that worry.

    Dont forget, you got into remission once and you can do it again, you will do it again... have faith and be strong and do all the things you love to do and try to remember the things you did last time to remain positive..

    Big hug!!

    Jules xx

  • Hi Mary!

    I do know how you feel! I had almost a year of remission, went back on carboplatin, still positive then developed an allergy and was transferred onto cisplatin. As a result I seem to have been on chemo forever. My consultant stopped the cisplatin after 4 cycles because it made me feel dreadful, sick and exhausted. I am trying hard to maintain a positive approach but it isn't easy. I have marvellous friends and 2 great children but they do not live near me. I spend a lot of the time on the edge of panic and cry at the slightest thing (even cried in the latest Harry Potter!) I find yoga breathing helps! It certainly helped me to endure the MRI scan last week. Like you every twinge is a tumour! When feeling particularly bad I think of my friend Barbara who has Parkinsons and is housebound. Currently in respite care having broken both of her femurs in succession, unable to go to the loo without help and her future is further deterioration. Then I feel lucky! I belong to Dignity in Dying and its sister organisation, Compassion in dying both of which provide much support and a range of amazing people many of whom have much worse conditions than I do and thus I feel even luckier! Death after all is the only certainty in life as some people manage to avoid taxes!

  • hi mary, i know exactly how you feel i try every day to be positive but it is so hard. All i can say is get some help I did but it didnt really help me because they couldnt say what i wanted to hear, "you are cured" I keep hoping for a new drug that could get rid of this horrible disease. Try and take each day as it comes and enjoy it, that is what i am trying to do do, but easier said and done. This site is brilliant for such loving support. Good Luck to you love nikkixxx

  • Hi Mary

    You will be bright, positive and hopeful again. That doesn't take anything away from the low you are in at the moment but it is a comfort to know that, after further treatment, you will happy and enjoying life to the full. Like many who have replied I have been through what you are going through and what surprises me is how quickly my mood and outlook can change for the better. But don't hesitate in using all the help available - Counselling, anti -depressants,holiday - whatever it takes to get back to being the person you normally are. A change of scene is what helps me. Away from anyone who knows I have cancer so that I can feel normal.

    Lots of love

    Sarah

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