Fed up and down

Hiya ladies,

I feel really down at the moment so thought I would use this blog to clear my head. Last week I had really bad back pain and a stitch like pain in the side. After a fretful weekend I went to my gp who took a urine sample. After a couple of hours she rang and told me I had a urinary tract infection and prescribed me antibiotics. This morning she has rang again and changed my antibiotics saying that the pathology report has come and the bacteria present needs stronger antibiotics. I have started this new course now but still feel bloated and have pains in the lower back. I am convinced that it has come back and just the thought of it makes me want to despair. I feel that I can't live like this going from someone who hardly went to the gp to now worrying about every twinge or ache. I know many of you have discussed reoccurrence in your questions and blogs but what sort of life is this. Rationally I know if it comes back there is nothing I can do but go with the flow of treatment but today I feel that although at present I have beaten it it haunts me every second of the day. Sorry for my ranting I just feel so alone and so fed up x parvin

9 Replies

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  • My heart does goes out to you... I am going through chemo at the moment and try not to think about what happens when all the treatment is over.. even if I am 'cured' there will always be that possibility of it coming back, I do know that, but try not to think about it. One thing I would say to you is, dont worry about going to the doctors for any aches and pains, you have good reason to want to put your mind at rest, and any doctor worth their sort will understand that.

    The one amazing thing about this site is, there are those ahead of us showing us how they coped and those behind reminding us how far we have come... and you dont have to pretend or say what you think should be said on here.. With family and friends is difficult to explain how you feel, but on here you can say exactly how you really feel and know that someone has or is going through the same thing. We support each other and give each other hope, so rant if you need to rant and remember you are not alone...

    Sorry I cant offer any tactics on coping, but there are plenty of people on this site who will be able to tell you how they cope.. as for me, its still just one day at a time.

    Wishing you better soon... jules xxx

  • Please dont feel like you are alone in this, we are all here for you as jules says,you rant and rave and get it all out of your system you will feel better for it.You will cope with this you are stronger than you think you are you will see.

    We all go into "Panic Mode" when we have aches and pains its only natural,there is light at the end of the tunnel so "Hang on in there" as for life its what you make it, enjoy each day to the full as we all should be doing.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Kefi x

  • Hi there - this may not be your thing, but does your hospital have a MacMillan's center and if so, do they offer complementary therapy, i.e gentle massage? Mine does, it's only funded for a year but they are keen for cancer sufferers to take advantage and I have done so. It's what I want: perhaps to chat with an extremely kind and gentle therapist, who lets me say how I feel and have a sniffle, then she does a gentle foot rub and some reiki - whether or not you believe in this, I find it soothing and calming. When you feel better after the antibios kick in perhaps something like this may help you de-stress a bit? I'd probably wait until your infection clears, although a head and shoulder rub may be ok. As they are trained to work on cancer patients (i.e nothing too strong or lymphatic) I don't worry about it doing harm, I just sit back and accept something pleasant in this horrible time. I do hope you feel better soon, sending you good thoughts.

  • As you say, Parvin, we all go into panic mode when something new hits us. Although I'm nearly 9 years clear, I still went into a tailspin last summer when I had a urine test and soreness a bit like cystitis with a little bit of thrush-like feeling thrown in for good measure. I had blood tests, antibiotics,a uroscopy (or whatever that tube/camera thingy is called!) a CAT scan and they could find nothing. I then went to a lovely menopause specialist who diagnosed it as dryness that was irritating all that area and gave me a course of low-dose oestrogen pessaries. I know that's not suitable for everyone, but my point is, even those of us who are seeming all bright and chirpy go through it sometimes. It's not always a recurrence. Just go with the flow. Rant and rave some more if you need to. I agree about the relaxation therapies. My local gynae cancer support group has a monthly meeting with alternative therapies on offer for free. It's so lovely even to get a hand massage.

    I hope that you are feeling a bit better soon

    Love Wendy xx

  • Hi Parvin. I know exactly how you feel. I, too, had similar symptoms a month ago and it was a nasty water infection. The antibiotics kicked in after a couple of days and I felt a whole lot better, although I continue to have niggling symptoms. The worry never goes away. My dr recommended checking my CA125 level so am waiting for results of this. I am due back for my 3-month check-up in Sept and having a CT scan ahead of this at end of August. It is coming up to 2 years since my op in 2009 so my stress levels are high!

    Wendy - your info on the menopause symptoms, especially relating to dryness, is really interesting and might explain some of my symptoms so I'll check with my dr - thank you. Once again this site has proved so helpful - you just don't get all this information from your 'specialists'!

    Parvin - I'm sure your problem will clear up soon. Take care.

    Love Colette xxxx

  • I am sure we must all know how you feel and that we have all felt down at some time.

    First any infection makes you feel low, without the added wory of wondering if the cancer has returned.

    I had my surgery a year next week followed by chemo. I had just lost my husband so must admit I was like a sleep walker and just on a conveyor belt of treatment. Then I read a few weeks ago about the Ante-cancer book. It was like a big wake up call for me. Instead of just letting everything happen to me and feeling helpless I suddenly realised that I CAN help myself. Whether following simple diet and life changes actually does help who knows but I feel so much better just trying. It has made me feel more positive and whether the diet helps prevent cancer or not I have found it enjoyable and know it is helping my general health.

    I have decided to try and enjoy life as much as possible and not waste precious time worrying. Not always easy I know but I am sure when your infection is under control you will feel much more like your old self.

    Keep your chin up.

    Tulsa

  • Parvin, remember that antibiotics in themselves can make you feel really down.........and then it's so easy to slip into a place where you focus on the terrors we all feel about reoccurence. If you are not feeling well with any sort of infection then it affects your mental state too.

    I agree about the alternative therapies. I go for some reflexology and also have my Husband just give me just a back rub sometimes which soothes me.

    The sun is shining. If you can, try a gentle walk and maybe pick some blackberries listen to the birds, people watch.....anything to clear your head a bit and put you back in touch with the outside. I hope you feel better soon and a bit stronger.

    Eleni x

  • wow ladies i am so over whelmed! your responses and advice have been great. its great to know that i am not the only one who has experienced this. i have started taking a new set of antibiotics and feel better today.this site is so valuable as it allows us to share with others who understand and we dont need to worry partners or family. my husband was surprised that i was actually thinking about a reoccurence. its hard to keep appreciating life when all this hangs over you but i understand how lucky i am .i am sorry for feeling so sorry for my self and thank you ladies for being so supportive. parvinxx

  • At least you are realistic about a recurrence. It never occured to me, and my onc never gave me the impression that it might reoccur, so I was devasted when I went for a 3 month check (after 12 months) and he said it had come back. That was Jan 2009 (original opp July 2007), and I'm still fighting hard, and trying to keep positive, on my 5th line of treatment. I think you're body lets you know what is happening, but pains in the lower back could just be the water infection, that's wher you would feel kidney problems....

    I hope that everything goes ok for you. Just keep positive - it helps fight anything.

    love n hugs

    viv

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