melt down

[Cazy1010]

It’s not been a good week , it’s 5 months since I lost my husband and this week I need him so much. I’m just think when I start chemo ( I know it’s not a walk in the park) how poorly will I be can I do normal things go out , drive , and see my grandkids , it’s all negative thoughts I know , recover from surgery is going good more than what I thought xx

[Jacquiemoo]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. It can not be easy for you for sure. I couldn't imagine how hard it is. Chemo for me has not been bad. I had a bad reaction so my Dr prescribed pre-meds before chemo which make me tired. Hopefully you won't need them. I pray it will go well for you and not a problem visiting your grandchildren. Stay strong for them and you. It's not easy but we all have to push onward and not lose faith. Will be praying for you to have peace and strength..

[Lyndy]

Hey Cazy1010, it’s horrible that you are having to face all this while you are also grieving but you are stronger than you think.

Chemo can have nasty effects but in general your chemo nurses will set you up to be ahead of the game. They will head off sickness and other bad reactions with pre and post meds (watch out for constipation!)

Your friends here can help with handy tips and suggestions.

Buy in some ready meals for when you don’t want to go out but you will find that it’s perfectly possible to get to the shops.

I would suggest getting in touch with friends and neighbours and maybe one of those helping hands organisations locally to say ‘look guys I may need help over the next few months.. if I ask you for something, can you respond?’

Tell the chemo unit you might need transport. And put them in the picture about your husbands death because they have a duty of care for your mental health.

You are going to get through this ❤️

[Cazy1010 in reply to Lyndy]

thank you , I know I’m going to get through this , I nursed my husband for years and had to fight for everything for him and kept a full time job down , and still went dancing !!!! I faced the time when he passed with my daughter on the day he died , always have been the strongest I’ve and will he again , just a mega melt down today , Thant you for you kind words xx

[Stills]

sending comforting g vibes to you

[wendydee]

I know it must be so tough, having to go through all this without the support of your late husband.

I have no direct experience of chemo but our support group members react in different ways. One thing I can say, anecdotally, is that it’s easier on your system than it was a few years ago. Most discomfort and nausea seems to be controllable with medication. It seems to be cyclical, there are usually a couple of days when the tiredness kicks in during each cycle of chemo. However, there are also days when our members are able to go about with their normal lives. I think everyone reacts slightly differently. It also depends on the individual’s combination of medication. One of our members had no side effects at all apart from a day in each three week cycle when she felt very tired.

It may not be as bad as you fear. Let’s hope so

Wendy xx

[0462County]

Hello

Sorry to hear you are struggling emotionally. I can not begin to understand how much you are missing your husband. Sending you all my love and hugs.

I had chemo once every 3 weeks for 6 sessions. Week 1s were yucky weeks for me. As someone has already said get in ready meals when you do not feel like cooking. Weeks 2 and 3 were good weeks for me so that I could carry on as normal.

Beth xx

[Katmal-UK]

I feel for you so much, to lose your husband then get a diagnosis and having to go through chemo but you have come this far, you are stronger than you think. I found chemo cumulative in that the first wasn’t too bad, then the next slightly worse and so on. What I can tell you is that once the bad days pass you will be able to go out and drive and see your grandchildren but be mindful if they aren’t well with say a cold because your immune system will be compromised and you need to put yourself first in order to get through chemo so that life can return to normal. It all seem daunting but time will pass quicker than you realise. Sending you a big hug.Kathy xx

[Sashay2020]

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. How much more can one person endure?But somehow we do. Sending you good wishes for inner peace and strength. May you continue to enjoy your family and friends.

Best wishes from New Orleans, Louisiana.

Sashay

[Riverflo]

I'm so sorry, sounds like you have too much on your plate at the moment. Life seems to throw us more than we can cope with sometimes.

On my first day at uni, they said "How do you eat an elephant? " Answer " In small pieces". Sounds silly but it comes into my mind when things get overwhelming.

You made it through surgery, you're making it through recovery and you'll make it through chemo. One day at a time.

Just off to my onc appointment on "Watch and wait" . Here's hoping for good news.

All the best to you,

Martine xxx

[Fluffyjumper]

Hi Cazy1010

Sorry to hear that you’re having a wobble. You have been through so much this last year. You’ve got through major surgery, which is a big step, and are recovering well. That demonstrates how strong you are. You can get through the next step, chemo. It’s natural to feel very anxious about any new treatment programme. Stay strong. Sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts.

[Saintgermain]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Husband and also having to deal with an OC diagnosis very hard emotionally . I'm in the states all pre meds were put in the IV bag prior to chemo. I didn't have any side effects I took steroids for 3 days after a bit hyper then the 4th day napped a bit more I was completely functional grocery shopped, socialized I did have to delay one treatment as my blood pressure was a bit low but it runs low anyway. As chemo lowers your immune system and kids tend to bring stuff home you may want to wear a mask around your Grandchildren while your in treatment just a thought.

[Leniko]

oh, how sad that you recently lost your husband. It’s just being human to feel great grief. You will have many tears. Try to focus on your children and grands. Chemo is not much fun, but keep telling yourself it’s time limited. Try to do some joyful things for you…..sit in the Sun, listen to inspiring music (I like Bocelli). Hang in there and thanks for reaching out. 🙏

[Pianoplayer731021]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. It had to be difficult to get your cancer diagnosis. Try and just take one day at a time and not look at the big “ picture.” Sending a warm hug and wishing you well, Donna 🙏🌺

[LesleyGB]

Hi, I can't say how sorry I am to hear that you have lost your husband - awful enough in "normal" times but horrendous now. I am sure your friends, family and neighbours will support you as much as they can: people like to help. You may find chemo easier than you think - we all hear the horror stories, and imagine spending most of our time vomiting into a bucket, but I honestly had no problems - bit tired, and achy and lost all of my hair, but no sickness, nausea or anything like that. I was diagnosed just before lockdown so couldn't go out socialising, but continued to work at home, went for distanced walks, and generally lived life as normal but in a much smaller space. I was like this both lines - carbo/ taxol then carbo/caelyx, which I had when I was back working in the office. The only nasty side effect was five days of constipation after my first chemo (three years ago yesterday!) - but I realised it was one of the anti-sickness drugs (Ondansetron - pale yellow and an odd shape) I had been given to take before the chemo and stopped it. The nurses are lovely and can advise you if you do have any side effects, plus there is a 24 hour helpline.

Spoil yourself, get angry and upset when you need to, and ask for help and advice if you need it. You know you will get through it - try to stay positive, but when you feel like having a good cry, have one. It is very relaxing! Keep in touch and let us know how you get on. xx

[Mickie1409]

I’m so sorry for your loss and going through this on top of that must be so hard . You were kind enough to reply to me when I was having a bad day I can’t pretend to know what you are going through as I don’t yet have a diagnosis but I just wanted you too know how much I appreciate your advice and also to send lots of healing hugs xxxx

[SopSinger]

I can't add much to the kind words already written here - but don't expect the worst. Chemo is very manageable (I worked part time throughout my chemo treatment). There's no reason to "put up" with nausea or vomiting - it can always be controlled, even if it takes a couple of tries to find the right anti-sickness med for you. You will learn to cope with the other side effects - everyone reacts a little differently. Let yourself grieve for your husband in your own way and your own time, but don't hesitate to speak to your GP and maybe even ask for some counselling if you need a bit of extra support. You've got this!

[NewtonEmma1900]

Hi Cazy, Its only natural to be worried about beginning chemo and we have all been there! Yes, some people have adverse reactions and probably most of us suffered from fatigue. I was stressed about losing my hair, but in the end I loved wearing my soft turbans. I live alone (divorce not bereavement) and because I was told not to drive after paclitaxol I relied on friends and family to ferry me to and from hospital - everyone was so supportive. Take a book or iPad/phone to keep you amused on the day ( frequently I chatted to the others on treatment). Wear something cozy/comfortable as it can be a long day - particularly the first day - my hospital provided lunch, it’s not exciting but tolerable so if you prefer take your own lunch but make sure you can manage it with a canula in one hand. Make sure that you are well hydrated, take the meds as instructed, I missed one and regretted it. Try to go out for short walks each day and gradually you should build up your strength; remembering it’s not very long since surgery. Good luck, we are all rooting for each other. Katy

[Jannibags]

❤️💪 You can do this, you're styonger than you realise! But we're all here for you anyway😘