I completely stopped all chemotherapy treatment as of 4 weeks ago. Cancer and cancer treatment and staying alive and ahead of the cancer has been taking up my headspace for almost 2 1/2 years now, I thought it would be wise to meet with a counselor to get some feedback on where to focus next.
Surprisingly, as much peace as stopping the chemo has given me, it has been a rollercoaster of what to do next. And then... right in the middle of THAT mess- with stopping chemo and establishing my next steps for how to manage the rest of my life which could be as little as 6 months (but with the right attitude and nutrition- who knows? Could be years!)
My therapist asked me to think about my short term and long term goals were. It was a good question. What goals next? I decided my primary goal was to enjoy the next few months with my family and to do that , I needed to be as pain free as possible and to have some energy. So I have adjusted my pain management plan with my palliative care doctor. I am very thankful I did. She was very attentive to my wishes- As pain free as possible while still not being so drugged, I could not participate in life.
And I have a nutrition guide. She sent out lab tests to explore what I am deficient in. (quite a lot actually- and surprisingly, most of these tests are not part of the pre-chemo labs) Just a couple weeks on some of the vitamins- just basic daily vitamins- and I felt better. I have obviously, between the stomach nausea and the lack of eating, and surgeries etc, been depleted of my bodies basic nutrition needs,
AND THEN...I caught COVID. One of my caretakers somehow contracted it in spite of her best efforts and long story short- I took the test and just 15 hours after I found out I was positive, I landed in hospital with several symptoms and some pretty intense pneumonia!!!
So I was in hospital for 10 days and throwing up, sweating out all my electrolytes, and eating almost nothing reversed all my hard work. No complaints here though! Back with my goals. So far, just a few. Manage pain, increase energy levels, hang out with family as much as possible.
I'd be interested in someone else experience with setting goals for yourself in the midst of a really uncertain time frame? I am actually feeling very at peace since speaking with the counselor and taking time out to pray and process. It didn't come easy- I cried buckets several days in a row.
feeling abandoned 
