I've found nothing but posts from headstrong women sharing their own experiences and perspectives still rarely if not any posts from the partner's perspective/experience? This is not just for men but also for those who have relied heavily on the support of their partner's and how they dealt with it.
So story first, questions later...
My partner was taken to hospital on the 'eve' eve of Christmas 2018 with intense stomach pain. In January 2019 she was diagnosed with a Stage 1C Mucinous Cancer, she was referred for further biopsies and removal of the appendix in March and in April 2019 told that her remaining ovary "looked" healthy. We was told that she would be monitored every 3 months via ultrasound to check the health of her ovary and also be put forward to a specialist fertility doctor.
The next 3 months was stressful as we had the fertility doctor cancel on us twice and then came the check up. The doctor found a cyst on the remaining ovary and asked for us to come back in 3 weeks time. Unfortunately the Cyst grew larger which led to another operation as they tried to removed the Cyst to save the ovary the cyst ruptured. Unfortunately it turned out to be another Stage 1C Mucinous Cancer upgraded to a Stage 1B due to the Cyst rupturing.
November 2019 my partner had her operation which was for a full hysterectomy the operation was successful as they said it was a straightforward procedure and come December we moved into our very first home together. (Woooo) And just in time for Christmas!
*Bombshell* Christmas Eve my partner was told she would have to start 6 courses of Chemotherapy every 3 weeks in January.
So here we are in January first Chemotherapy down and i can say it is as much as a roller coaster of emotions as were all the hospital visits and operations the past year. The anti sickness tablets we not effective to begin with it's a battle for her to take her chemotherapy tablets, tears, tantrums the lot.
How have you helped your partner get through these operations/Chemotherapy session?
Have you have felt overwhelmed with balancing work and caring duties during/after operations?
Have you sort after counselling, who did you contact? Is there a network?
Please share your experiences...
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JDFlo
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Hi Firstly I am so sorry that your partner is going through this at such a very young age. I was diagnosed stage 3 in 2007. There aren't many gentlemen on this site though we have had some partners comment. I wonder if it would be worth contacting MacMillan or indeed contacting Anna on this site to see what support is 'out there' for partners. I wish you and your partner nothing but the very best now and for the future. By the way, if the antisickness prescribed doesn't work ask for something stronger. I tried 3 before I found the one that did the trick. Kathy xx
Most hospitals have a Macmillan Charity connection and they can be amazingly helpful, including helping with financial problems.
However, my partner and I received immense support from family and friends, including neighbours.
Take whatever help is offered.
People really do want to help.
And don’t be afraid to ask for help from your family.
Sometimes, family becomes afraid to intrude, so you might need to assure them that you would welcome their help.
But posting in this site will surprise you.
You can search old posts about mucinous cancer as well as the chemotherapy drugs she is taking to see how others coped.
For instance, I had a terrible time finding the right anti nausea regime, but in the end devised a routine of Omeprazole and the anti nausea med Ondansetron first thing in the morning, then food or any other medication an hour later, followed by the anti nausea med Cyclizine as and when I felt unwell.
This is a highly emotional time for your partner, losing her chance to have children and being suddenly thrust into an early menopause.
It’s heart breaking for both of you.
Please call in your family and MacMillan for support and possibly counselling. You both are far too young to face such a tragic situation alone.
When my daughter was diagnosed, there is a small charity local to us in Hampshire, called Victoria’s Promise, based in Hook, which not only gave her support but also supported her husband and 2 young daughters. You might find something on the internet that is similar and near to you and could support you and other members of of your family. It is definitely worth the investigation.
In addition to the support already mentioned there is a UK charity called Shine Cancer Support which is specifically for people with cancer in their 20s, 30s and 40s. I believe they are trying to create a network for partners (‘plus ones’ they refer to).
You could also take a look at that. It’s not specific to any type of cancer but seeks to provide a support network for the age group.
Hello. We are currently at the same stage as you and your partner. Second chemo session next Monday. However we are older at 50 and have had our children. I don't know of any groups for partners. I will ask my husband if I can share his social media contact details with you. Then you will be able to private message him. X
I'd echo Katmal-UK's suggestion of phoning the Ovacome Suppport manager, Anna, (or Julia) on their freephone line 0800 008 7054 as they have a wealth of contacts and knowledge which may help. Ovacome has a special 'Younger Womens Group' and partners are not excluded.
Like everyone else, my heartfelt sadness for you both at such a young age and hoping for such a different future, but don't lose hope as some younger women, with the right treatment and support, do go on to enjoy being a Mum. Warmest wishes, Lesley
My life long partner was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer back in 2016 and she’s now on her fourth line of chemo depending on how you count them.
Here we are in 2020 and ‘chemo life’ as we know it is now the new ‘normal’. Treatment days are a regular highlight as are the days we see the consultant, or when bloods are taken, or lines are flushed or scans are taken. We don’t actually live in the hospital but we might as well!! But to be here at all is amazing.
As for ‘support’, my wife receives excellent support from all the medical team and those at Ovacome whilst I do what I do along with the rest of the family and close friends. We’re by her side and there when she needs us. But, and it’s a BIG but, as for support for the carer or nearest and dearests there’s a big, big gap.
I too found nothing and found reading some of the posts here difficult at times but heart-warming at others. I attended an Ovacome event and mentioned the lack of a male orientated support group and felt that this forum was not the best place to propose a new group specifically designated but maybe this is the spark to ignite such a group.
I found solace in writing a diary which I used to do in the past at times of stress as I find it releases all those thoughts however inappropriate. Once written the thoughts are still there but bracketed off from daily life.
I wouldn’t say I’ve been overwhelmed by balancing work and caring duties as I’m in the process of retiring and can do much as I please being my own boss. In fact the sanctuary of work is sometimes worth its weight in gold.
I have not sought counselling as talking to friends seems to be enough at the moment but sometimes I wonder if they ask out of politeness rather than out of interest and when I get into explaining the ins and outs of chemo I see their eyes glaze over!
I have felt it would be great if my local GP could call and ask how I felt once in a while but I fully appreciate how stretched they are looking after the sick let alone the carers.
I do feel that a specific forum for carers is a great idea but also feel that we shouldn’t be too shy to post here with our experiences and perspectives of life with cancer.
This type of news is devastating at any age but 31 is incredibly early. I had a full hysterectomy at age 48, have 3 children, but the menapausal symptoms were hard to deal with. My daughter and son kept a close eye on me and knew when i needed a talking to. Tge bottom line is beating the cancer, everything else is gravy, as they say in the USA, where i am.good luck and dont hesitate to ask us questions as you'll get a lot of very helpful info from us ladies
I was diagnosed when I was the same age as your partner in 2009. My husband was supportive as well as family members, but I also shut home and many others out while dealing with all the losses. As far as I know he never reached out to other caregivers. I commend you for seeking support, as I feel it is very important for caregivers to get.
As far as young adult cancer resources, in the US, where I am stupidcancer.org is the community I found helpful for support. Not sure if there are young adult cancer support groups in UK, but the issues you and you partner are going through is often best understood by others of the same age.
I wish you and your partner strength and guidance as you navigate the physical and emotional sides of cancer.
Please reach out to me if you have any questions that I may offer to you and your partner.
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to respond, the support and advice given is exceptional I really didn't expect this many responses and has made me quite emotional.
Our Friends, Families and Bosses have been unbelievably supportive and which has been a great help in many ways but i also feel that having that independent advice from a professional or support worker who doesn't know you or your partner may offer that added bit of enlightenment. We both have family members whom have had Cancer and who have tried to give us their own experiences and we have both had to support them at young ages to beat cancer!
The Macmillan nurses have been outstanding with there support and I can't fault their help and knowledge i know there job is to mainly focus on the patient and I have had the odd how are you? question but nothing followed up on when replying that im tired, not slept well or the travel to and from the hospital has made us need to detour etc. (Travel is an 1hr from our home to the cancer unit)
Anyway i will try to fill you in once i have tried to touched base with a counsellor. My partner is feeling much better including drinking and eating a lot more. She is due to return to work tomorrow so i'm hoping it is not too much for her!
All of your kind words these have been relayed to my partner I can't thank you all enough for sharing your own stories and experiences i wish you all great health moving forward!
I can identify with you as I am a partner of stage 1C mucinous cancer survivor. It would be 4 years cancer free now for her when it was diagnosed at age 32. Hold on tight - thankfully they caught it early and chances of recovery are much higher.
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So upset...
