Hi lovely ladies, got the date for my CT scan after my Ca125 was raised from 18 to 95 on my 3 month check post chemo which ended in Jan. It’s next Friday 4th May and then a weeks wait until the results! I’ve had a really black day today, can’t seem to get negative thoughts to sod off!!
So me and my best friend are going to go away for the weekend and she always makes me laugh so I’m hoping that will be the best therapy!
Any suggestions on how to stop the black clouds and anxiety would be gratefully received xxx
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BeeWild
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I’ve given an old teddy my cancer to hold on to and I’m gonna leave him in the dining room and shut the door on it for this weekend I hope x I want a cancer free fun weekend with my bestie xx
Completely understand how you feel. Got my 3 monthly post chemo scan on Monday and results on Wednesday. Last week has gotten worse as the days toll on. Today I felt as if I know it's all doom and gloom coming my way. Hubby says that no amount of worrying will change the outcome, so why worry. It's a nice sentiment but difficult to live by when we are in the thick of it. So, how to stop the black clouds? I haven't got the answer. I am fine during the day, when the sun is shining, but once it's dark and it's time for sleep then the gremlins come. I have a few glasses of wine and a sleeping pill and hope that the night passes quickly. Mostly it doesn't and I lay awake getting more and more anxious. There's no solution but to just get through it the best way we can and hope that what we think is going to happen, doesn't.
I know I keep trying to rationalise and clam myself and yep the night times are the worse x
Had a moment in the supermarket today when I felt like bursting into tears or screaming , I didn’t as I needed to get the shopping done but it was a close call!
I just hate this constant anxiety and I need to find a way to stop this beast from stealing all our sunshine xx
I truly hope all goes well with your scan and results xx keep in touch and let us know, you ladies are fantastic support x
I think there was something in the air today (or the stars). I had a mini meltdown in the car. Just let the tears flow. Felt good. Then I went for a walk. Now I'm wondering what the fuss was about. Heh.
You can't change anything, its a number... put it on a back burner and enjoy your weekend...
I would kill for a CA of 95. I've never got lower than 200+ and now after 3 months it is back in the high thousands.
On heavy Rotterdam regime, and feeling worse at the mo.... but somehow I am able to carry on without heavy stress and worry. I am not sure how - , I suspect we all have a base personality that is able ( or not) to deal with what feels like life threatening events ....
I know everyone is different and hope you are able to rationalise this blip, stay in touch and maybe we can meet up at C's. I missed treatment last Wed, due to low blood results and heavy cold/ catarrhy cough so hopefully back on track for next Tuesday/Wednesday
Good luck with the scan and try not to fret about what you don't know yet
Enjoy your weekend..and laugh away, the best stress buster there is....
Oh Janet. I'm so sorry that I haven't been active on the forum this last few months and didn't realise that you were in a pickle again after ringing that bell. I need a slap. Sending all my love to you. I've got to start listening to my own mantra more which is, I'm living with cancer rather than dying from it. So hard to live happily though sometimes when the dark clouds of fear gather. Kryssy xxxx
Thank you Janet before this beast I was a fairly chilled out person I feel like I don’t know myself anymore!
It would be great to meet up at C’s if you feel well enough just let me know when your there and we can organise x sorry you’re having a rough time of it! I’m not sure what Rotterdam Regime is? but hope it’s doing its job for you xx
Take care and look after you x
I know exactly how you feel BeeWild! Scan last week, results on the 2nd - expecting the need for more treatment, but trying to focus "on the moment", it works for me (most of the time).
I did burst into tears at the optometrists when she said I had a posterior subcapsular cataract (apparently commonly associated with the chemo steroids) and did I want to go on the 12 month waiting list for a free op!!!
Have a fab weekend with your pal - worry about next week when it arrives.
Prosecco is the first choice followed by lots of dancing in the rain wearing high heels. You then eat copious amounts of food and collapse into an alcohol induced sleep
Next day legs ache, head aches you cry with laughter at your antics and can’t remember what you were worried about to start with
I visualise myself being told my CA-125 has increased to “n” and the cancer has grown by “n” mm and then having mentally faced the worst and what this might mean, I just hope for the best!
Works for me.
Enjoy your weekend away. Laughter is definitely a powerful medicine.
You poor dear! I always get anxious coming up to my scan and then until I see the doctor. I think it’s something we all go through. For your CA count I wouldn’t get to worried about it yet. There are a lot of different reasons for the count to go up not necessarily meaning cancer is on the grow again! It’s hard not to fret though! Be kind to yourself it’s a good thing to go away. Hope you have a wonderful time. For me I find listening to guided meditations on YouTube helps to release some of the anxiety.
I know exactly how you feel I am back next week for scan and have to wait a week for results and its worse waiting in the waiting room the day of results. positive thoughts xx
I think we all get anxious waiting for scan results, although I find some times can be worse than others. I had my latest scan 2 weeks ago, & was extra anxious waiting for results this time, assuming there had been some tumour growth, & expecting to be offered more chemo, which I really wasn't wanting. But when I saw one of the oncologists this week, she said that although there had been some growth, she didn't want to give me chemo, & prescribed a hormone tablet. She also sorted out something else that had been bothering me. I felt much happier afterwards. I hope things work out for you much better than you fear they might. Di
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