Depression

I was diagnosed stage 3 last April had 7 chemos, hysterectomy debunking & ileostomy and in Nov all clear, but since then had a few minor health issues not cancer related and I have been so depressed. During treatment I was so positive but now I can’t stop crying, I have my 3mth review early March but terrified it won’t be good. This morning read an article in The Mail about OC and that set me off again, has anyone else experienced feeling so depressed when I should be happy?

[Katmal-UK]

Hi, in a word yes..... You'd think given I am supposedly doing so well I'd be happy and people around me can't understand when I feel low but it's always there isn't it. In fact I have been very low for a few weeks now and considering going to drs. I'm in work because if I didn't come in I know I'd sit home and cry. We have an awful lot to think about and I think unless you are going through/been through what we have you just don't understand. I do know when I have felt like this before counselling helped. Maybe worth you considering? From one sad lady to another sending you a hug xx Kathy xx

[Kryssy in reply to Katmal-UK]

Hi Kathy. I'm sorry you are so sad. Flipping weather doesn't help either. You are a lovely girl and I hope you will find something positive inside you very soon and start to feel happy again. With love xxx

[Katmal-UK in reply to Kryssy]

Hi Kryssy. Thanks. I had a dental appointment yesterday with a new apparently caring dentist (I have a phobia) and it was the worst dental appointment I think I have ever had. Suffice to say I just felt I want everything to end. I have a scan in 2 weeks so stress levels are rising and yesterday was the icing on the cake. I'll bounce back, always seem to but at the moment am in a dark place. My colleague who shares the office said do you want a hug, I said if you do I just might not stop crying. The anniversary of my Mum's passing is looming in 2 weeks so that's another down time. I want to run away but cant lol. Maybe it is the time of the year with nothing to look forward to as well which isn't helping. xx Love Kathy xx

[Neona in reply to Katmal-UK]

Yes I know that feeling of wanting to run away but there is nowhere to run to.

[Katmal-UK in reply to Neona]

Unfortunately not......

[LittleSan in reply to Katmal-UK]

Ooh Kathy sending you a big hug. It's been a long winter. Good luck with the scan. I've got mine on Monday and bricking it! Hope spring brings a better mood for you. Xx

[Katmal-UK in reply to LittleSan]

Good luck for Monday! xx

[Kryssy]

Hi Scotty. Been there, done that, got the T shirt, almost took my own life before Christmas. Having chemo and being in the system was so comforting in a weird way and once it stops we face things almost alone. I was dreading my check in January but it was good news. My tumours have shrunk and some have disappeared. Blew me away. I have until April and my next check to work myself up into a state but what's the point? What will be will be. I say that I am LIVING with cancer and not dying from it (at the moment). Easy for me to say now but I got here by DIY therapy without antidepressants and talking, talking, talking. To hubby, friends and the Ovacome girls and admin.

Yes, there are sad times, especially when we lose a warrior but we are fortunate to have another day of life for today. I won't say, "Try not to worry", as that's pointless but do reach out to those that love you and offload your fears and talk it out. You are not being silly or overreacting, you are afraid and it is normal and everyone understands why. By letting it out you will start to feel a little better and your old happy and brave self will wake up and take over again - as mine did. I'll always be a nutcase, perhaps that helped too.

Be strong dear sister. We are all here to listen and talk. Don't forget though, you are living!

Big love Kryssy xx

[Lyndy]

This disease has all sorts of bizarre consequences Scotty22 please don’t beat yourself up for getting depressed. Oddly when we are doing well I think we have time and energy to engage with the reality of OC whereas if you are on treatment you live from appointment to appointment.

I hope that you can get yourself some support and help with this low mood....you deserve it you’ve been through a lot xx

[Sunfleury-UK]

Its a really common feeling and something I experienced.... I found this article by chance by Dr Peter Harvey and found it really helped to make sense of the paradox.... livingwell-cancer-support.o...

wishing you hope and strength Sx

[Nicky911 in reply to Sunfleury-UK]

Really good article - thanks for letting us know about it

[Sunfleury-UK in reply to Nicky911]

My pleasure Nicky... have shared it often and know so many (including me) have found it helpful. Wish it were more widely available but I will keep sharing it!! xx

[ShropshireJo]

Hi Scotty. I’ve been through similar times of depression after treatment has finished. I think we get caught up in a whirlwind of diagnosis, surgery and then chemo and it is all a bit of a shock. It’s only afterwards that we relax enough to be able to process it all emotionally and to grieve a little too for the pre diagnosis innocence. I found counselling helped and am not afraid to admit I need anti depressants (Prozac in my case) which do help me. It also takes our bodies quite a long time to get over the treatment. Please do seek help and support, it can make a real difference and the camaraderie is wonderful. It has made a big difference to me. Love Jo 🌸🌼🌹🌺🌻

[Caleda4]

Hi Scotty,As Krissy said the weather is enough to make you feel depressed,the sunshine does so make us feel somewhat better. It is very hard when you have an appointment coming up & I guess we can all relate to that what if's, I remember someone saying that their Consultant said please don't worry about the what if's,let us deal with the here & now which I suppose is very true in a way but nevertheless hard.

Depression is horrible my mother suffered for years so I can relate to that as some days just seem so long & horrid. I have found getting out for a walk helps but realise this does not always help. Maybe a chat with your CNS may help you. I do hope that things improve for you soon & wish you well with your app.

[Beckyjh]

I completely understand how you are feeling. I am at the beginning of my second recurrence which has only happened 8 months after my last chemo. Really struggling to pull myself out of a pit of despair this time. Even when we’re well it’s always there and reading articles or reading so much sad news on here lately makes you obsess about your own mortality. (It does me anyway). I have been crying for a whole week now and just can’t stop. I’ve always been able to put my positive head on but honestly if one more person tells me how strong I am and how I’ll get through this again I might actually punch them!! I don’t think this time of year helps - everyone seems to be a bit down at the moment. Remember there are always people here to talk to, or Macmillan - maybe I should be taking my own advice! I hope you feel better soon but remember you are not on your own.

Becky xx

[Hidden in reply to Beckyjh]

OMG I feel I could have written this post, thank you for making me feel normal xx

[Hidden]

Thank you everyone you have made me feel less alone just reading them. I am going to go and try and find my mojo as I’ve definitely lost it somewhere & face my review head on. You are all amazing love you xx

[Edwintweet]

Hi

Actually it's my Wife that has the ileostomy, and you talk of depression, she has it most every day. It's been 2 years now , and she was hoping that by now it would have been reversed.

The problem was, she had an anal vaginal fistula which had to be sealed before that could happen. She has had surgery and as far as we know it has been done but we have heard nothing . Edwin

[Hidden in reply to Edwintweet]

Edwin I feel for you as I do for my husband Mark, I do think it is so much harder for our partners, thank you for being there xx

[Caroles1]

Hi love,

After my op and during my chemo I was happy and positive, but when I was told I was NED, nearly 3 years ago I had about 2 years of depression.I felt like I had been set adrift to cope on my own,apart from my checks, which I have to say I still get myself up the wall about,

I went on some support courses, which did help and was told about councelling,but didn’t take it up.

I just decided to get a grip as best I can and get on with life. I must admit I look back and think what the hell was that all about and did that really happen?

I keep busy and try to have a positive outlook, it does really upset me when others are struggling and all the tremendous amount of loss we have had on here. I must admit I don’t always come on here because I feel helpless and sorry for what others are going through.

If I were you I would look into getting help, there is no shame in it and in hindsight is something I should have done.

Be kind to yourself,immerse yourself in interests or things that make you feel good,

I wish you well,

Carole xxx

[Andrea63]

Hi - I was diagnosed in December 16 and was NED in June 17. I had managed to stay very positive during treatment but like you it was when everything stopped that it hit me. I went back to work quite early to do something normal but that just highlighted that I wasn’t the person I’d been in November 16.

It is very early days but it does get better and you will learn to adjust to your new normal. Make sure you plan in some nice things to do and with spring coming try and get out and enjoy the sunshine.

I’ve also been to Penny Brohn which I found really helpful and I do come back to the plans I set there and make sure I’m on track and looking after myself. They run a residential Living Well course in Bristol but also run non residentials at local cancer support centres.

In spite of all the support I feel like I have had to keep trying to keep my head above water. I then had 3 bereavements in quick succession at the end of December and in January I decided to start a course of anti depressants. This wasn’t a decision I took lightly, I have suffered from depression in the past and managed it with counselling but I decided that now was the right time for me to get some extra help. I’m not recommending you go down this route especially as it such early days but just saying that there are options out there. Things will get better and you’ll become more confident as you feel stronger and put some distance between yourself and treatment.

Take care

Andrea xx

[Perthgirl]

No words but cyber hugs and cheery thoughts coming your way. Wish we could sit on a couch together and cry it all out x x

[lorraine71-Australia]

Hi Scotty, Chine up my love we all understand why your feeling depressed, you have been through a lot, surgery then chemo my oncologist said arfter surgery that I will feel like he run over me with a bus then reversed back over me.

Now you have your 3mth review

coming up it's only normal for your emotions to be all over the place

I hope your review has you smiling 😀😍 take care Lorraine xx

[LittleSan]

Hi Scott, no sage words but heaps of understanding. Seek medical advice as life is definitely for living and it's so much harder when you're living in such a heavy fog. Big hug to you. Xxx

[ZenaJ]

Do you think we put everything down to cancer now? I have depressed people around me all the time and they've never had cancer. Every little thing I have wrong with me I think it's another cancer. I didn't do that before. Everything I watch on TV has cancer in it somewhere. We're surrounded by it so it will never leave us. I feel guilty because I've survived nearly five years where others haven't.

I think it's time we started being kind to ourselves. Things, horrible things are happening to people everyday and there's nothing we can do about it. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here but you're right, we should be happy but so should lots of people who aren't. Be kind to yourself. If you're feeling depressed at the moment it will pass. We can't be happy all the time. We're trying to be strong for everyone around us. It's almost as if we're in a play, acting a part. We can't quite be ourselves any more.

As time passes you will feel better, I know you will. I'm so sorry for what I'm saying because I'm not even sure what it is I'm trying to say. I've never been good with words. I do send you my very best of good wishes and hope you feel better soon. We are all here for you. Let is rip.

Zena xxx

[ZenaJ]

Sorry, just wanted to add. Why shouldn't we be depressed sometimes. We've been through Hell. Sorry I'm not cheerful today. xx

[rosieb7]

Hello Scotty,

I know how you feel, I have been struggling to feel positive since I finished chemo for my first recurrence. I just can’t stop worrying about it recurring, how long I have got etc., etc. I decided two weeks ago to go to the Doctors. They have put me on steraline anti-depressants. I had been trying for so long to take control but I needed help. I knew I had to go as I just did not want to get out of bed and could stay there all day. I am also on a waiting list for counselling. I like you would cry a lot. This time of year does not help either. It’s normal to feel depressed you have been through a lot. You are not alone. Thinking of you and sending love, Rosie x